Hi @Frog444722
As a lesbian, I'm happy to share with you my own experiences which may resonate with yours.
I, like you, have never had a crush on a girl besides celebrity crushes, but I personally think that's the case due to my (very restrictive) definition of a crush as someone I want to pursue a specifically romantic relationship with, which takes a long time for me to feel, despite finding some people attractive. Think about how you define a crush. Is it wanting to kiss someone? Wanting to date them? Or simply feeling some butterflies around them? You evidently are physically or sexually attracted to women at the very least, seeing as you have celebrity crushes. However, there's no deadline by which you should have had a crush, so you're under no obligation to label yourself, or stick to the same label.
Sexuality is not something you have to prove to anyone. You suggest that this could be internalised homophobia or comphet; this is possibly the case. It could be true that you currently see any labels for your sexuality as inadequate, because labels and words are in themselves inadequate. When you label anything, such as your sexuality, it's not possible to label the future and how you'll enact your sexuality then, because the future hasn't happened and it's unpredictable. Labels are instead based on track records, how you choose to live in the present, and possibly what you project for the future. @Chloe-RO makes a good point about how your identification can change. Your feelings themselves might change, or you might be more sensitive to new feelings over time. Labels are not the be all and end all, so hypothetically if you choose to label yourself lesbian now, and then realise that you're bi, that is perfectly okay!
You could be experiencing comphet. Compulsory heterosexuality is a theoretical term that refers more to the socially enforced assumption of heterosexuality, but comphet in the way that it's more frequently used refers to how individual people might struggle to accept their queerness due to heterosexuality being seen as the norm. Seeing as you tell yourself the reasons why you "have to be straight," comphet could be the root of this behaviour. Consider the reasons why you think any person "has" to be a certain way. Sometimes there are basic ethical expectations placed upon people simply by virtue of being born a human, but being straight is not an ethical expectation, although it's still a societal norm.
You say that you feel the need for proof that you're gay. Think about how much "proof" will satisfy you. Do you have a certain level of proof that will make you really believe your gayness, or might you keep raising that standard if you hesitate to label yourself? Do you think you need less proof of being bi or straight? Your description suggests that you are leaning towards the lesbian label the most, and that is enough proof you might need to go with that label for now, which can always be changed if you begin to feel differently.
I'll conclude this by saying that this questioning is perfectly normal and I too hesitated a lot before labelling myself lesbian; my "lesbian awakening" was not so much a realisation that I'm a lesbian, but an admission of the feelings I had always felt. It's natural to feel like the confusion will never pass, but that's because you're in the midst of it. You don't have to get to an answer, or even see a label as an answer; your emotions can speak for themselves. Enjoy feeling them!
Edit: I just read your new reply to @Greenfern , and keeping that information in mind, I'm still wondering what it means for you to have a crush. Do you feel like you need physical attraction to have a crush? Perhaps you could look into the split attraction model, which separates romantic and sexual attraction.
