Hey @Anonymous
I’m sorry to hear that things are as tough as they are right now. It takes a lot of energy and courage to keep yourself safe and continue when you’re exhausted. Are they any little things that make you feel better? For me, taking a shower or listening to depressing music seemed to work. Regardless, you are not alone.
I know you’ve probably heard it a bunch of times and most likely feels like a lie, but things will get better. It doesn’t make right now any better but it’s true. Sometimes it takes all your energy to just get to the next day. It’s okay if you don’t have the energy to be hopeful right now. You’re doing the best you can and that’s all you can really do. It’s more than enough.
I also spent a lot of time feeling like a burden. Something that help me change my perspective was realising that I was a burden and that it’s okay. People are willing to be inconvenienced by others because that’s the foundation of relationships. You might be a burden in some aspect but there are so many things you add to other people’s lives simply by being you and existing. It’s really hard to see it for yourself when you’re depressed. Asking someone else what they think is usually more reliable. I used to completely reject any positive perception of me and think they were just saying good things to make me feel better. But I’ve come to realise that they were being sincere. Depression lies a lot, and the perception of worthlessness was one of the most damaging.
It’s really great that you can recognise what you’re experiencing and communicate what you need. Is your GP helpful/have they been helpful in the past?
Have you done any safety planning in the past? It can be helpful to have something written out, mainly so you don’t have to think too much about what to do when you’re feeling really overwhelmed. I personally ignored my safety plan more than I should have (I made bad decisions) but there were times it provided a nice structure for things to try before needing to go to hospital.
Apologies for the long response. I hope that things improve for you soon!
