So, recently I got told not to talk privately to one of my friends because of the age and sex difference. Like we can still talk to each other but not message or talk privately anymore. And we use to message each other almost every day and ask each other how we were going. I got heaps of support and felt seen. But then I got told we couldn't keep the relationship as it was. We were just friends but my parents and a few other people were a bit worried about what could happen. And I'm 18 so I should be able to choose for myself, but anyway...
And I keep missing those conversations. But I also don't want to keep missing that for the rest of my life. I think I just don't want to have to say goodbye. And I want to move on but at the same time, I don't want to forget because of how good it felt to have someone see me like that. And moving on means forgetting, I think.
So I don't know what to do. Do I move on which will hurt when I do it? Or do I keep letting myself bring up these memories and hoping we will go back to what it was like before? Either will hurt but I don't know.
I guess I'm scared of forgetting because I never want to forget those memories. And I want to feel that again. I want to keep bringing memories but it hurts too. I don't know what I want anymore. I wish we could choose for ourselves.
