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TW - mentions of suicide

where do i start, while i agree with the quote "you haven't come this far to only come this far" it makes me dread the future. only one more year of school and hence my childhood, and it feels like i have done very little. i have taken so much for granted and i wish i could apologise to everyone from my primary schools for how immature i was when i was younger. i left primary school with regrets (mind you i switched in my last year) and i feel i will leave high school feeling regrettful.

i am going to stress so much and dread so much in year 12, bein denial that its all over. given the cost of living crisis i feel very pessimistic about the future and what lays ahead. i don't want to die i just want to be happy and i really don't want to be on the verge of having suicidal thoughts this year as its not a conversation i can have at home nor at school it just shows that the new year also leads to negative realisations. already losing interest in the things i loved doing at the end of last year like playing video games and going to arcades how am i going to thrive.