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You don't need to fill that hole in your heart, but feeding into the hole will make it grow more. For now, maybe you could try not reading your old messages for a bit, and see how you feel. It's okay and normal to have your feelings conflict with your thoughts. Perhaps with some time, you'll develop a greater appreciation of your own thoughts and the thoughts of those around you, and hopefully you find some benefits in trusting those thoughts. It seems like the fear stems from the unknown; not knowing what you'll do without your friend, and not knowing how the future will go. This is a perfectly common fear to have, but you can only ever live in the present, not the future, hence the suggestion of giving yourself time.