but after losing one baby like 3 years ago I haven't been the same it's not because of the baby it's because of the way it happened it was a sa by my ex partner at the time I really don't know how to feel about this because all my life I have been sa by family and ex partners not all of my ex partners tho I don't know if I am ready for anything yes my partner has said there's no rush or anything they will not pressure me I don't know how to move on from everything
The last sa was in December last year yes I still get nightmares about and I still feel everything I still blame myself for it
I had a nightmare 3 nights ago if it happening again it was a bad one yes the police know but I don't really talk about it because I get scared and uncomfortable because it was a old man anyways
I have been a little up and down I have so much in my head I am sick of people judging me I already feel everything is my fault my MH isn't the best I feel shitty been crying I feel out of control
It's been months since my family has contacted me which I feel okay about I am all by myself
I have so many emotions running in me it's hard to explain
I am not distressed or anything I am just scared of things happing
yes I am safe , I called lifeline I am about to shower listen to music
Also yes the police know but I haven't been comfortable talking to them about anything yet
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