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Hi @Cup , I'm truly sorry to hear that you're facing such a tough and painful time right now. It takes a lot of strength to open up about your feelings and experiences, and I want you to know that there are people who care about you. It's completely normal and okay to be going through a mix of emotions after everything you've been through.
It's really positive that your partner is understanding and giving you the space you need. It's crucial to take things at your own pace and focus on your mental health and well-being during this healing process. Try not to feel pressured to make decisions about marriage or starting a family right away – it's okay to take the time you need.
I'm glad to hear you reached out to Lifeline and are taking care of yourself with things like showering and listening to music. I also wanted to suggest two other resources that might provide extra support. SANDS is an organisation that helps individuals dealing with the loss of a baby. They offer support through their helpline, live chat, email, and even on Facebook support groups. Additionally, I am unsure whether we have shared 1800RESPECT with you in the past, but they are a great support service for individuals sexual violence.
As you keep working through the challenges of your mental health, remember to keep taking care of yourself with moments of self-care and reaching out for support, just like you did with Lifeline and here on these forums. You're doing your best to manage these tough emotions, and you absolutely deserve to feel supported throughout the process.
Ps. Thank you and well done for remembering to add a TW to your post. I have just added a TW to your post title to make it clearer for others to see, and I've added a spoiler for parts of your post that may be triggering for others.