Hey @utgard
This is not a stupid title or issue at all!! Welcome again - we’re so glad you’re back and reaching out! That takes a lot of effort, and is often incredibly frustrating when you feel so distressed, but feel guilty for it or cannot explain it as well as you’d like.
It sounds like you might have many stressors and difficulties in your life - this is a very real experience for you, not delusional, even though the source of this experience feels internal. Often, when we feel like sharing our problems is burdensome to others, this compounds - resulting in so much mental distress over time. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.
This forum is designed to support, validate, and empower people - it’s a very safe space to share difficult personal experiences. I hear you feel torn about whether to seek help, but am glad that you recognise you deserve help - you do! It is scary, especially when you fear judgement or shame from others.
Sometimes, gaining courage to seek help requires lots of little and slightly uncomfortable steps, with a positive (generally) outcome after each step. For example, you have made the first step by making this post, yay you!! Potentially, the second step would be to write down your thoughts and struggles in a journal or diary, or talk to a trusted person in your social circle about it.
By sharing this with your therapist at a later session will allow them to help you as well as possible - that’s their job! Articles on finding courage to reach out here and here may be helpful for you.
Hope this helps!
