Hey @utgard
Your question and title isnt stupid at all, as you are trying to explain your situation and are trying to actively seek help. Which is already very brave.
While I wouldn't know too much about internal talking/thoughts, maybe try to document the said thoughts to keep a record on what was being said, and that when trying to seek help from a professional that you have some evidence to show what were the thoughts like?
The method of seeking courage is subjective, as it differs from person to person. But you have already started in making the first step in helping yourself, you just now have to plan out what you think you can do. Documenting your inner thoughts, talking to a friend about it, talk to the Reachout community etc. Doing step by step until you feel comfortable on telling your therapist about it.
Hope this works
