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Hi @utgard! Welcome back to the forums and thank you for sharing your experience.

Apologies are never easy and it's not always clear cut as to when "the right time" to apologize is. I can see that you're giving it a lot of thought and this is coming from you wanting to be a better person. It takes a lot of courage and wisdom to learn from your flaws and strive to improve yourself. I'm also glad to see that you have the self-awareness to look after yourself first!

I just thought that these articles on having difficult conversations and tips on how to say sorry might be helpful for you. If you want to have a 1 on 1 conversation with someone who has had a similar experience, you can also try out PeerChat.