Well I gave dad a call at our usual weekly time and we mended a lot of the damage. We spoke for nearly three hours and a lot was covered. I won't be seeing him in person any time soon, not just because I am now back at university but also because we haven't really figured out how to make it work without arguments. I think I will continue calls with him because they usually go a lot better than in-person contacts.
We shared some things that we hadn't really discussed before like the fact that dad thinks he might have some kind of problem that makes him really mistrusting of people and that makes him do unkind things. He admitted that he thought I hated him and that this caused him to seriously question whether I wanted to spend time with him. Since he didn't trust me when I told him that I loved him and that I really did want to spend time with him, he would say horrible things to me and then once I started being emotional he would believe me a lot more since it is much harder to make things up while bawling.
I don't fully understand it but this explanation for his actions is kinda consistent with some of the hurtful aspects of his character and I am just a bit frustrated that it took us this long to have a discussion about it. Also I should say that when he says that he thinks I hate him, nothing could be further from the truth. Sure we have arguments like most children do with their parents but that doesn't mean I hate him, I just get really frustrated with how he treats me and what I have to put up with to maintain a relationship with him.
Despite having all this on the table, dad still thinks that I don't respect him enough and he is maintaining his position on not paying my rent. I am already on centrelink youth allowance and have some savings so I will be ok in the short-medium term but I was really relying on his promise to pay my rent this year. I hope that he will change his mind and stick to his promise but I don't really know if he will be able to. I have spoken to mum and she is very frustrated that dad has done this but has promised to help me out if the situation gets dire.
Thanks for your words of support, I really was questioning myself a lot after what happened between dad and I but after coming here I really feel like I have done what I can so thanks for being that external viewpoint.
