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angriest_star
Frequent scribe

TW!! physical touch scares me.

i've thought my life was pretty good. i'm a pretty adaptable person, so its not like i'd actually notice if something was wrong. but i have. i have a severe hate for physical touch, and i recently realized the most likely reason. a couple of years back, a girl in my class started to obsess over me. she was super touchy and made me really uncomfortable. i know she was traumatized from past experiences and probably had abandonment issues. however the way she touched me was pretty sexual and crossed over many boundaries for me. she would follow me everywhere and always wanted to know everything about me. it creeped me out a lot. at the end of the year, i announced that i was moving to a different country. her response to this was

Spoiler
threatening to hurt herself.

this really panicked me and i tried to reassure her that it was ok and i would still message her. after i moved countries, i realized i did not have her contact. it both relieved me and panicked me. i checked with one of my old friends from that school and they said she was doing ok. it was fine. until i received another message from that friend telling me that she had moved to my country. she didnt move to my area, but it was enough to have me constantly looking over my shoulder for the next couple of months. its been some years now, and i'm doing better. i just hate when people touch me. recently, i was playing duck duck goose with some random people in my year. i reckon im a bit too old for duck duck goose but who cares. its fun. i warned everyone that i do not want to be touched. a kid in my class that was playing was it. when they got to me, they grabbed my head and called me an emo prick for not wanting to be touched. it pissed me off, but i didnt say anything. that kid has pretty bad personal hygiene, so i thoroughly washed the beanie i had been wearing then. what the kid did really didnt help with my aversion to touch, but it did make it clear that i should avoid them as much as possible. if you have any ideas on how to overcome my hate for touch then please share your knowledge. i'd like to get better and kick ass.

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