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Hey @Marron_Mammoth 

It sounds like you have really been going through a difficult time sitting with some big questions and heavy emotions. It makes sense that you might be questioning your capacity to feel better when the support you are seeking isn't really helping you improve. I'm curious if you have ever been connected with a GP or Psychiatrist in the past and whether you found that helped answer some of the big questions you have? I can also see that the concern your parents have for you can feel like more pressure on you. Have you been able to be really open and honest about how you're feeling with them at all? 

Thanks for being so honest with us about you hurting yourself. The realisation that you know this won't help you in the long run is a huge acknowledgement and as Lemon_Dolphin said, I hope you do feel really proud about this realisation. I'm curious if you have any 'go to' strategies to help you manage these thoughts of self harm when they come up for you? We also have a few threads about that  here , here  and here . I'd love to hear what you think about some of these strategies and whether you might want to give any a try.