Hi,
I had a challenging end to my session with my psych yesterday. I became very overwhelmed right at the end and then next minute I left and was in tears.
Here is a play-by-play of what happened.
We talked about (Name), (Name), depression and repression. I mentioned how things had been worse over the past week, which I feel he thought was a result of me repressing my feelings. However, I had been feeling quite overwhelmed the past week and am starting to spiral. I wasn't sure if have made clear.
Right before he said, “I'll see you next week” (or something like that), I started to feel very overwhelmed, as if he was being dismissive to the extent of how intense things have been, making it all about repression. While I do understand this to a degree, it seems like he had made repression the forefront of my depression. I did understand that we were at the end of the session, but internally, I felt very distressed, realising I felt dismissed and like I was going to cry, so I left and then started crying.
I ran over to the library, where there were bathrooms, so I could cry. I even considered coming back over since I didn't speak up in the moment about how I felt, however, I didn't think it was appropriate, so I stayed there sobbing for a bit and eventually went home.
I also got news from my so-called friend today that he doesn't want to be friends, so that also really hurt. I did cry earlier, but I'm feeling a lot better now. I'm about to go to bed anyway as I have an exam at 9 am tomorrow morning, so I hope that goes okay. Seeing I haven't been able to study this afternoon, but oh well. I'll try my best and see what happens.
I'm safe, no SI and I'll call KHL if I need to.
