I've been doing a bit of reflecting lately about my mental health and I felt this could be useful to share for anybody who may be going through the same thing. Just a heads up, I will be talking about mental health struggles but I won't be going into details so please keep this in mind in case it may be triggering for you.
I have struggled with depression, anxiety and undiagnosed ADHD for most of my life, even as a little kid with no idea what mental health was! Essentially, I've felt not okay for a very long time. I am incredibly lucky to have a supportive family who understands my mental health issues and will do anything and everything to support me. As great as that it is, it can also be difficult because I've felt that I have no reason to be not okay.
I've had psychologists in the past and I am very fortunate to have a psychiatrist at the moment who has prescribed anti-depressants and ADHD medication to help with my day-to-day functioning. I'm also studying a Bachelor of Psychology at the moment. What I'm learning right now is a lot of self-acceptance: I am not okay, but that's okay. This sounds really cynical and pessimistic, but I've found that acknowledging this has helped me to understand myself and my mental health struggles in a healthier way than I have in the past.
I've learned to accept that my brain really struggles to make and hold onto all the happy chemicals. I've learned to accept that I'm naturally just a bit of a sadder person than most people. I've explained it to others in the past like this: we all have ups and downs in our emotions but there's a line running through the middle of these - that's the 'okay line'. I have my ups and downs and okay line, but it's all moved down a bit lower than most people's. I've drawn a bit of a visual below - hopefully it makes sense.
What I've learnt is my okay line is a bit more in the sadder/down region. My ups aren't quite as high and my down's are a bit lower. This is something that I'm learning to live with. I've spent a lot of time being angry and sad about this, both working hard and feeling hopeless about 'fixing myself' to get my ups, downs and okay line aligned with the blue. Accepting that this may never be possible has helped me to work towards strategies that are more helpful in living with my mental health issues, such as giving myself more time to rest than my peers may take and being kind to myself about this. Basically, I can direct my energy towards functioning with my mental health issues rather than against it by trying to 'fix' myself.
I think we can all get a bit too focused on trying to find solutions to fix the problems when this isn't always necessary/possible or the best way to approach the problem! I often feel there is such an emphasis on being 'okay' when the reality is we all have different places where our okay line is. I can feel that I am not okay because my okay line isn't quite as high as the norm, and although this does mean I struggle a bit more with feeling sad, I'm learning to accept that my okay looks different to other's okay and that's okay! (I've said okay so many times, I'm sorry 😆).
