Hi @utgard ! Thankyou for sharing with us, this sounds like a really rough situation 💜
The first thing I want to say is big congrats on coming to terms with your identity as an aromantic pansexual transman!! I think it's super common for young queer people to come out as one label and then come out again as something different later on. Over the past few years I've cycled through a couple different labels myself before recently just settling on queer as my label. We're all living and learning more about ourselves all the time and I think that's really beautiful.
I'm so sorry to hear that your parents have been making lots of negative comments about men, I can understand that this would be incredibly hurtful for you to hear, especially in your journey as a transman. I had a similar experience when I was younger before I came out of overhearing family members make negative comments about specific queer people, and I remember just how upset and betrayed this made me feel. It's really not ok for your parents to be making these comments, and I hope you know that your identity and experience as a transman is so valid and beautiful.
I think you've hit the nail on the head in the sentiment that before coming out as any type of queer, the most important consideration is of course safety. That said, I completely understand why you would really want to come out to your parents again, and have them validate and accept your new identity. Ultimately, coming out, as i'm sure you know, is completely up to you.
I'm wondering whether you're out as trans to many other people in your life at all? It could be really helpful for you to get a bit of extra support from other people who your know will respect your identity, and who might be able to assist you in chatting with your parents. If you decide that you do want to come out to your parents, one thing I would definitely recommend is to perhaps make a list, or write out beforehand, some things that you would like to say to your parents. Sometimes it's really easy in these difficult conversations to get across all the things we really want to say, and I find that doing this before always helps me to stay calm and to properly get across all that I want to say.
I'm sending lots of care and good vibes your way 💛
