Hey @Appel
I was having a similar conversation with a friend of mine on this exact topic the other day. It is definitely a difficult topic to grapple with, so thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
To start, it is not selfish to want to have one close person, especially when you are surrounded by other close friendships / relationships. I find it can also be quite scary to put myself in situations where I could become closer friends with someone, and to work past that feeling that they do not enjoy my presence (even if it is just in my head). Recently, I have been setting personal goals to get to know new people and spend more time with my friends in one on one or in small groups to try and build that personal connection. It can feel a bit out of my comfort zone, but it is paying off so far! It has helped remind me that people do want to hang out with me, and allowed me to build deeper connections. Have you tried hanging out with your friends one on one more often, or sharing the little things that are interesting to you with them? They will probably find them interesting too, and it could be a good place to start.
Take care of yourself, hopefully hearing from other people is helpful ❤️
