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Hi @Cinnamon_Llama 

This sounds like a super difficult dilemma. I complete understand the fear of telling your family how you are feeling. I too suck at verbalising my struggles and get very emotional when trying to do so. 

Something I would really recommend (that I have used myself) is writing a letter to your dad. This way you can just hand it to him, leave, and let him read. That isn't to say that it isn't super nerve racking to hand it over because it is HAHA but its well worth it.

You know you want help so you should try your best to get it. You don't have to give your family all the information either. You can tell your dad I would really like to see someone to help me deal with some personal issues that i am not comfortable disclosing to you. If he really wants to know and you can give him a brief description do that, or just simply say I will tell you when / if I feel comfortable to do so.

I also completely understand wanting to use a psuedonym to the helpline people and I am sure that happens very frequently for them. if you told then now your real name I am sure they wouldn't be upset at all.

I wish you all the best on your mental health journey and great job seeking out the helplines and working on yourself. You are doing amazing!