Hey @Elia
I wanted to say that I am really proud of you for coming on here and opening up to everyone here on ReachOut, and even so more proud of you for finding your authentic self and coming out as trans 💚
It hurts my heart to hear what has been happening. Coming out to the one's we love can be a scary thing to do, so I'm very proud of you for doing so. But it can be extremely upsetting when a parent for example, continues to misgender/deadname us despite us coming out and reminding them of our identity and asking them to respect this. I am quite surprised that your parents have continued to misgender/deadname you despite having a trans brother who they fully support; I am so incredibly sorry that they are not supportive of you.
It was definitely a great idea to have written a letter to them outlining everything, expressing how you feel and asking for your clothes back. I am so incredibly sorry that they have been taking your clothes away from you; having access to clothing that affirms our gender identity is so healing and important. Hopefully, after your conversation with your parents, perhaps they'll stop taking your clothes away from you, treat you with respect, and fully support you.
From personal experience, my coming out journey as a transmasc person wasn't easy, and I kept getting deadnamed and misgendered for a while by my parents; this has since changed and now I have a fully supportive family who paid for my name change and helped me get onto HRT etc.
For me, whenever i'd get deadnamed/misgendered, I'd correct them; or my older sister would correct them. Also, if they are being transphobic towards you, you can choose not to engage with them and leave the conversation. I recommend having a mediator or friend alongside you when talking to your parents about everything, it can really help. Also only have the discussion when you feel comfortable and have the energy to do so, it can be very emotionally and mentally exhausting. I guess my other piece of advice that I should've taken when I was in a similar position to you is to prioritise looking after myself and doing things I enjoy, especially things that affirmed my gender identity. Self-care is so important and it helps us cope during really difficult times.
As @Jazz_RO mentioned, there is QLife available for support, they're a fantastic resource! ReachOut does have it's own directory here for LGBTQIA+ Support Services that might be of interest to you, here is the link to it.
I hope what I have said has helped a little bit, and I really hope your parents change their mentality and stop deadnaming/misgendering you.
- Matcha_Toad 🐸🍵💚
