hey@Infinity
We have some mutual friends and it's hard to avoid hearing about his life completely. A lot of our friends have told me that he's been posting about his new relationship on social media. I've had to set a boundary with those friends and make it super clear that it's been really hard for me hearing about those things and that I'd prefer to not know.
In terms of why I think it's self-esteem related. From what I heard, it seems like he's putting in a lot of effort into this new relationship (taking her on dates to places I've always said I wanted to go and buying her surprise 'just because' gifts to celebrate her little wins). I felt that towards the end of my relationship with him, we probably both got a bit complacent, I was upset that he wasn't putting in as much effort as he was at the start. The comparison almost makes me feel like I'm not worthy of someone putting in effort to make me happy. Because I don't think we would've broken up if he continued to show up for me in the same way that he's showing up for her now. It's hard not to compare myself to her and nitpick every single trait I have that makes me 'unlovable', even though I understand objectively that him moving on quickly has nothing to do with me personally.
I am moving on but yeah in a way I am still interested in his life. I don't want to go back to that relationship but he was an important part of my life while we were together and changed me in many ways. I'm glad he's happy and I know they're probably a better fit. It was just so abrupt and such a shock because it happened within a week.
