Hi @miso_soup
This sounds like it's very confusing for you. I think it was noble of you to go no contact in order to put your best interests, and his, first. It sounds like your very thoughtful and very caring regarding this situation. Kudos for the way you've handled it 💜
It could be feelings rooted in self-esteem or ego, as you suggested. I think many of us have been down that avenue before when an ex-partner decides to see someone else. It's certainly difficult to navigate when you know that you don't want to get back together with that partner. I think there's something about seeing an ex-partner with someone else that triggers something inside us. For me, in the past, it's the idea that someone is caring for them in the way that I used to be able to, and vice versa, someone is now receiving the attention I used to... I wonder if this resonates with you. I think it relates to a reply you made earlier in the comment section regarding why you think it is a self-esteem issue.
For me, distractions used to help a lot. I took up a lot of new hobbies as self-growth opportunities so that I would have something to be proud of (e.g., for me, artwork).
Please look after yourself and have an excellent day 💜
