Hey @Spring_Elephant !
Welcome to ReachOut!! Thankyou for being so vulnerable and sharing this with us, you should feel really proud. It sounds like you're feeling lots of anxiety around the idea of having sex at the moment, which I think is actually an incredibly common experience. I think there's no many reasons why someone might feel a bit of fear and hesitation around having sex, but especially for the first time! Please know that you're absolutely not alone in this, and that there's nothing wrong with you because you're feeling pretty hesitant around the idea of sex at the moment. It seems like you're thinking a bit about whether this anxiety might be connected to either confidence or vulnerability, both of which are completely valid reasons to be feeling this way. Sex can be an incredibly vulnerable experience for some peope, but not so much for others, meaning that people often have incredibly unique experiences and feelings around sex.
I think that in high school there can be lots of talk about relationships and sex, which makes these things seem like much more of a big deal than they actually are! Sex is just another part of being human, and like anything else is something you can opt into or out of.
If you're interested in unpacking and trying to understand your feelings a little more, something that always really helps me is to write things out! It can be a list or a reflection, but sometimes actually putting your thoughts physically out into the world (kinda like you've done here!),
Please know that there is absolutely no rush or pressure to have sex! It's completely up to you, and you get to decide if and when that happens. Some people aren't interested in having sex at all and that's great too! There's no pressure either way.
Sending lots of good vibes your way, and hoping that some of this is helpful 💛.
