Hi everyone,
I've been loving posting to this community so I thought I might open up another discussion, specifically relating to body image.
I know there are a few posts and resources surrounding this topic however, I also wanted to add the caveat that often people who have bad perceptions of their bodies, will impose unrealistic body image standards on others. For me, I find that I can judge people subconsciously more harshly than I wish I did (mainly in terms of romantic relationships, I feel I rarely do this for friendships), which makes me worry and doubt whether my beauty standards are realistic (or not) and whether I've passed over potential partners due to my desire for someone who looks 'conventionally attractive'. I feel like social media, other forms of media, pornography and other things perpetuate this issue, and can cause us to have a poor perception of looks, as well as overly sexualise others too. I feel like I (and many others) are wired to have 'looks' at the forefront of our minds, which I feel is destructive in a lot of contexts.
I feel like the link between judging others for looks and having poor body image issues is cyclical, like judging others can be a projection of your own insecurities (almost trying to put people down to make yourself feel better), whilst simultaneously looking down on others' bodies (and seeing others do the same) can make you feel worse about your own.
Basically, I feel like the main problem is overvaluing physical attractiveness with certain relationships (mainly romantic), as well as unrealistic beauty standards causing that bar for attractiveness to be too high (for yourself and others).
I'd also like to add that I've always had body image issues, but tbh they've only really sparked up in the last few years of my life, and heavily recently as I started dating apps and got very little traction (which caused me to feel very unattractive). Honestly, it causes a lot of confusion because idk if I look good or not, people have said I look good in the past but I do feel like I've put on a bit of weight etc. due to a big period of depression I had this year. So yeah idk if I have an unrealistic perception of my looks, or if I'm simply putting too much importance on them all together.
I also talked with/ my therapist today about this and she gave me an exercise where whenever I look at someone, I try to focus on their qualities that are not look-related. Obviously, a human being is a sum of many parts, so trying to ensure that I'm being fair and valuing other aspects of a person, such as them being kind, generous etc, could potentially help to rewire my brain and make me feel better about how I look. I've also looked at learning about my qualities and values as a person and attempting to 'mindfully eat' in accordance with these values, as well as minimising porn usage to help 'desexualise' my brain.
So yeah, just wondering what people do to try and improve the perception of their own bodies/looks, as well as how you rewire your brain to have a better perception of looks for others (mainly for the opposite sex). Also, how can you build on this and build overall confidence and self-esteem? Would love to hear everyone's perspectives and strategies for dealing with this.
Thanks and have a great night 🙌 🙏
