Hello 🙂 this is my first post on here and I’m a little anxious to write all this as I haven't been able to express my emotions properly to anyone before.
I’ve been feeling really lonely, it’s a feeling I’ve dealt with before since a young age. I just turned 21 a few weeks ago and I’m still navigating through my life but at times I wonder if I’ll ever meet someone who makes me feel cared about, whether it be a crowd/group of friends or someone special.
writing all this makes me feel pathetic because at this age I feel like I should have at least someone I can turn to but I feel like I don’t have anyone to converse with, let alone people who understand how I feel.
my mum belittles my feelings a lot so I’ve given up on trying to talk to her about my feelings, I’ve tried to talk to my dad but he doesn’t acknowledge me, my sister is always out, my friends brush me off. As you can tell, I don’t have a very stable relationship with my family altogether. I’ve tried multiple times throughout my life to reach out to my family and friends but it’s been the same outcome and I’m tired of it.
I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety at the age of 12, my childhood consisted of bullying and I really had no protective figure growing up.
A few days ago something happened that made me feel abandoned by my mum and family. I don’t want to yap about it too much but it was the first time I felt like this and it made me convinced that they probably wouldn’t even bat an eye if I anything would happen to me.
with no one to talk to, I feel alone and with my mum taking her anger out on me (verbally), it makes me feel insecure. And I will admit I’m a sensitive person, I feel things maybe a little too deeply.
I know I’m a kind hearted person no matter what my mum or family says about me. But some days their words beat me down and I try so hard to keep it together and to keep going but feeling lonely and having no one to talk to makes it extremely difficult.
It makes me wonder if I’m ever going to be good enough, if I’ll ever feel cared about, if I’ll be able to feel safe.
When I try to attempt to talk to my friends and family about my feelings, I get belittled, ignored or they’ll “listen” but a second later they’ll go on their phone or watch tv. It makes me feel like a burden.
and I still feel like a burden even talking about all this despite this being a community where you can vent freely.
There’s a lot of overwhelming emotions in me right now. I’m battling with a lot of insecurities and thoughts.
I feel a little silly talking about all of this. It almost feels foreign to me despite speaking to countless of therapists and counsellors over the years. There’s still so much I want to talk about.
Thanks to whoever’s reading this. I hope your days going better than mine ❤️
