Hey @Green_Ghost 🙂
Thank you for coming online to talk about what's been going on for you. I know it can take a lot of effort to process when so much is going on and you feel like you're on autopilot, so I'm really glad you found the process to be cathartic ❤️
First of all, I did want to congratulate you for finishing your exams, even if it's a huge source of what is making you feel in crisis. The reality of ending a journey of learning to one of working is not always as easy as people make it out to be, and sometimes it can lead to a lot of uncertainty. I can see that you have a few areas that are stressing you out, like trying unsuccessfully so far to find a new job and what this means when you're desperate to leave a toxic workplace. It also sounds like while you are done with the process of learning through formal education, you might not feel quite ready for learning the new practicalities of a job from scratch, and in some ways your current work has made your mental health experiences at work difficult. It also seems like the volunteering opportunity you have might be a source of uncertainty, and could be a bit emotionally taxing to get the hang of let alone get started with. While there's a lot of things that feel out of your control, I was wondering if there has been anything that helps you stay grounded? This could be the routine of your day-to-day which gets you out of bed at the same time every morning, hobbies, meditation, getting out and doing some gentle exercise, or setting goals and limits around looking and applying for jobs. Sometimes it can help to feel a little bit more in control of what you do every day, and bring some routine into what can feel like a new world post-graduation.
I also can see that your relationship with your partner has had its ups and downs and the way you're feeling about other areas of your life has led you to feel disconnected from him and from reality in general. It sounds like you both are doing your best to work on this, all things considered. It could also help to speak to friends, family or coworkers about what you're going through, as some of them may be able to relate or at least be able to offer some help or understanding of what you need at this time. Have you found this has been helpful in the past?
Thank you also for confirming that you are ready to seek support during this time🙂 If you find it's helping to get your thoughts out, ReachOut Peerchat might be a helpful option to talk to a peer worker one-on-one- they either have on demand bookings in the late afternoon or sessions you can book into.
