Hey @TankRadical
I have felt so so many of things you are describing and I know lots of people who feel them too - you are not alone. Sometimes all of these external and internal pressures can feel like so much and it ends up being a bit of a spiral.
I think your drive and desire to constantly improve yourself shows someone who is incredibly driven, compassionate and sensitive to the people around them. That amazing trait will always be noticed by people around you - even if they don't say anything.
For myself personally - I have found this constant need to improve and be my best self to be one of my best qualities - but also something that can be really challenging for me. It has led me to be quite harsh on myself and to strive too hard for perfectionism and other unachieveable things - causing me to feel bad about myself.
A few things that have helped me:
1. Remembering that I can't have everything all at once. We have a whole lifetime to have incredible experiences and to achieve things. There is no point rushing to do them all at once - there are only so many hours in a day!!
2. The people who love you, don't need you to constantly prove yourself. Think about the people you care about - do you still love them as much when they make mistakes in life? - of course!!
As for what you have said about feeling self-absorbed. Remember that someone who is really self-absorbed would not be worrying about being self-absorbed. The fact that you worry about it really just shows the opposite - how thoughtful and self-aware you are.
Anyways, I think you're doing a great job. Just being a person is a lot!! Give yourself the credit you deserve. Don't hesitate to seek out support if you need. 💜
