Hi @Sunset_Crab 😊✨,
Thank you so much for sharing this and for disclosing your personal experiences around people pleasing. It sounds like it has been quite frustrating and tricky to navigate through, especially in your friendships. I totally do not think it is selfish to want others to get along, and appreciate your honesty. Of course, you would feel that way considering it feels a bit tiring and draining. My own personal experiences have made me feel guilty to impose boundaries between myself and friends, so I totally understand how heavy this feeling can be. The usual advice, as you mentioned, would be to impose boundaries, but I do find it can be very tricky to do this. I have found myself trying to change or cutting down small things 🌸
Such as; rather than being the middle man for all of your friends' arguments, I instead would try to find some instances, where you could say "I would prefer to stay out of this". Even though it's not a huge jump, you can slowly find moments where you can look after yourself. Perhaps eventually you may do this more frequently, and reach a point where you can balance putting yourself first & supporting your friends - to a level which feels authentic and in line with your values.
I would also ask myself, "if I was in my friend's situation, would I always expect them to do the same for me?" I find this helps a bit with perspective taking and to lessen the potentially inflated level of guilt I would put on myself 🌿
I hope this was helpful ~ it does also just highlight how much you value these friends and your big heart 💖 Most of all...
✨ You (equally to your friends/ others) deserve fair and respectful friendships with those who consider your time, worth, and compassion ✨
Take good care of yourself 😊
