Hello, I’m feeling overwhelmed and it’s a feeling I’ve been having for a while now. I just really need to talk to someone and would appreciate any advice.
For some context I’m 21 years old, I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression at 12 years old, my childhood consisted of bullying and other factors I don’t feel comfortable sharing right now. My family aren’t very supportive in terms of mental health and they don’t really understand it. I don’t blame them but I’ve always yearned for at least someone to understand how I feel.
Anyway, I’m 21 (just turned) and I’ve never had a job due to my severe social anxiety and agoraphobia. It was really bad in high school where I refused to leave my room and refused to eat. In shopping malls I would have a panic attack and I’d cry because it was so overwhelming. Thankfully I’ve healed from that and learned how to cope with it!
however, throughout my whole journey of trying to figure out my own emotions during high school, I have never had a job due to my severe anxiety and it makes me feel extremely worthless and useless. So many people work so hard and I want to work just as hard.
as of right now, I finished my first year of university last year, I studied youth work and got my certificate. I’ve always wanted to work in a mental health field but I had to drop out this year because my anxiety got so bad. I had to travel 2 hours by train and walk through the city just to get to my classes and you can only imagine how stressful and scary it was for me.
It makes me extremely anxious when people ask me what I do for work when I’ve never worked before…I don’t want to come off as a snob or a person who doesn’t want to work.
it makes me feel extremely worthless because at this age I feel like I should have a job and I feel like I’m wasting my life.
for some more context, I’m supposed to get a blood transfusion because I have medical issues and I tend to feel dizzy quite easily so I have to get my medical stuff in order first and it’s taking a while. As well as driving…I’m getting my new glasses and contacts soon so after that I can finally take lessons which I’m excited and nervous about.
but I feel like a late bloomer. I feel like I should be doing more. I feel like I’m just making excuses. I’m doing the right steps but it’s taking me a while…
as of late I’ve been focusing a lot on my physical health. I’ve been working out, journaling, taking care of my diet and overall health. I’ve also been doing YouTube and have already created an amazing community. I’ve been baking and cooking and I’m happy that my meals make others happy. And in 2 weeks time I’ll be seeing an employment service for people with disabilities in hopes they’ll be able to help me find a suitable job.
I’ve been doing a lot to help my family despite not having a job. I’ll do whatever I can to help because I hate feeling worthless. I feel like my anxiety throughout high school had set me back and I’m trying my best to not blame myself but it’s really hard.
I’ve been doing things slowly. And I hope that’s okay and that it’s still progress.
I’m trying to survive but sometimes I feel like I don’t even deserve some things like food or gifts or anything because I don’t have a job; because I don’t work “hard enough”. So everyday I try and learn something new. Whether I read, listen to a podcast, exercise and continue to grow. But it’s hard.
