Hey @HazelHazelton it sounds like you're trying hard to manage these feelings by yourself. Sometimes in situations like this when you're not ready to talk to him or anyone else it can help to lean back on your self-care, which could include creativity, moving your body, or writing down your feelings to express yourself. I also saw that you don't think a helpline would be helpful, but I encourage you to connect with one if you feel like you need immediate support.
It sounds like your youth worker was a really great source of support for you in the past, and I wonder if it might be worth exploring that kind of support again as a young adult this year. In any case, the holiday period can be a time of loneliness and loss for many, so I hope you're able to be kind to yourself as you go through this ❤️
