Why should I be happy if other people are suffering? Why should I go about my everyday life when people have it worse than me? They would do anything to have the unearned privilege I have. I can’t just continue on with society like usual cos everything in society unconsciously contributes to racism and ignorance about wars and injustices around the world. And as any activist will tell you, ignoring all this will make all the issues worse. Not doing anything, ignoring all this injustice and not doing the work to undo subconscious beliefs that contribute to this is why things are so bad in America, in the Middle East, in Sudan, Congo, EVERWHERE where people are denied basic human rights just cos they are not white or rich or follow a certain religion or have issues etc.
Yet…I feel overwhelmed by all of this and want to avoid looking at all of it altogether. (Specifically coverage of the Middle East war). But I can’t cos it makes me feel like I am not doing enough. Every single post about Palestine I see on instagram, they say don’t scroll away because of how dire their situation is. THEIR LIVES depend on privileged people like me actually DOING something. They are sick and tired of being ignored as much as I am sick and tired of seeing the war. And I can’t scroll away because that would convey I’m a terrible person who doesn’t care, regardless of my intentions.
My parents said they won’t let me donate/share those posts on my Insta story cos of risk of being scammed or having to share bank account details, no matter how much I tried to tell them their attitude is what is making the situation worse. One huge argument later and we agree to find volunteer work as a substitute to me looking and sharing Palestine related posts.
Since then I’ve been taking a week off instagram. Since then I’ve been diligently working through a ‘how to not be an ignorant racist’ book. There are times where I get really overwhelmed by the inevitable ‘sorry I can’t donate or share these posts pls don’t be mad I still care’ message I’ll have to put on my story once I return to instagram. And even though I feel really stressed when I work through that book, I feel SO GUILTY when I feel too tired and unmotivated to work through it. If I don’t want to do it, it means I’m a terrible person. And this stress and guilt is NOTHING compared to what white supremacy makes Black, BIPOC and POC people feel on a daily basis. It even says in the book ‘you don’t get to have a day off from this work because non whites can’t have a day off from society’s white supremacy.’ The people affected by the war, the people who face racism and prejudice, the people I probably don’t but should know about somewhere that’s being denied rights, THEIR feelings matter, not mine.
So when you say ‘just take a break from the news’, ‘stop being so political’ and ‘look after yourself’…I can’t. I can’t live, I don’t deserve to live if I can’t do anything about these issues.
But the worse thing about this all is that there’s a little voice in my head saying ‘I dont want to do this work/I want to ignore everything bad that’s happening/none of this applies to me/I should be grateful for what I have/I just want to scroll past all the ‘please don’t scroll past’ Palestine posts cos they make me feel sad/I want to accept there’s nothing I can do cos I can’t donate.’ That voice is bad and makes me blind to peoples suffering. Minority peoples’ wellbeing is more important than mine.
