Hi :)  So a bit of background info I have generalised anxiety disorder and specific phobia diagnoses and my GP thinks I may have some OCD and disrupted eating issues as well.    Firstly I have seen 3 psychologists that are paid and I have seen a therapist at a free service run by the government, however, I haven't really found any of them useful and I feel discouraged because I'm beginning to think therapy isn't actually helpful and a waste of time and money. My GP thinks that I need to go see an experienced clinical psychologist who specialised in CBT and anxiety related issues because I have more than one main problem and my case is complex but I can't afford that so I'm stuck with the free service atm.    I just wondered if anyone has actually found therapy helpful for serious mental illness and actually thinks its worth it?    I'm especially discouraged as I'm currently in uni studying to become a clinical psychologist, however because of these doubts and other things I have been reevaluating my career goals and am planning to apply for medical school and become a neurologist in the next few years, but I really care about mental health however because of my own experience with therapy I don't know if I want to be a psychologist anymore if its useless because I want to use my skills and time to significantly improve or help peoples quality of life and health.    What do you guys think?   Thanks.  ... View more

Hi    I have been doing dance classes for 6 weeks (1 class a week) Iv never taken a dance class others than the ones I’m taking at the moment. So I started doing contemporary for 3 weeks but I was very bad at that and it was too hard and during one class I felt so bad I started to cry and I felt horrible and useless and fat so after class I quit and dropped out of the class and I felt very suicidal all the way home and wanted to die and I felt that way for about a week (i also felt slightly suicidal the whole day even before dance but it got worse) So then my dance teacher said maybe it was just the style of dance that was wrong so I signed up for hip hop and have been doing that for 3 weeks but I’m really bad at this one also I feel fat and awkward and my body just doesn’t move that way I just look like a fat rigid clucky tree. After class I just feel sad and like crying. I’m considering quitting again but I feel like I’m giving up if I do that. I’m a perfectionist I can’t handle not being the best at things I am never satisfied with my performance for example I have a perfect GPA at uni and am attempting to get into medical school after my undergrad and I still have the need to beat everyone else and no matter what a grade is if I don’t get 100% it needs to be better. But not being good at things quickly almost always makes me suicidal if I don’t understand an assignment I get suicidal if I don’t look good when I go clothes shopping I get suicidal (I never look good clothes shopping) etc Im not sure what the point of this post is I’m just sad... I know I sound a bit immature but I'm not usually and I'm very ambitious probably to the point that its a bad thing. I work very hard to keep my grades at a standard that I think is acceptable I study approx. 6-9 hours a day, pretty much all I do is study. I also think my weight is an issue as I can't lose any weight because of my anti-anxiety meds no matter what I eat or exercise.    Ps. Not sure if it’s relevant but I have generalised anxiety disorder ... View more

Hi   So my best friend told me some secrets and experiences they had in the past surrounding abuse of an inappropriate nature and I'm the only person my best friend talks to or has told about these things. I have mental health issues and I felt bad so I needed someone to talk to about the issue so I spoke to my other friends about it to get some help but I feel very guilty for telling them. I didn't mean to betray my best friend I just needed some advice/help.   My other friends don't like my best friend because they don't like some of the things she does or how she is quiet and they think she is weird and boring but she's not and the way they see her is because they don't know her as well as me and a lot of the things they don't like are a result from her past experiences so I also told them to try to defend her and to get them to be nice and understand, which they do know but I feel really guilty because at that moment I didn't realise what I was doing but now I realise I have betrayed her and I feel awful. I was just trying to help her and help my own mental health....   What should I do? ... View more

Hello,   Some Background: My dad and mum got divorced because my dad was really mean to her and then many years later my mum remarried. My dad was a very scary and angry person and I was really scared of him when I was younger he hurt us and locked us outside for a few minutes at night if we were naughty and he made me feel bad about myself when I was younger but he's a lot better now. My stepdad is the problem now.   So my stepdad has always disliked me a bit I think ever since we have known him if anything goes wrong it's my fault, he's always angry and he's really unpredictable. One day it's ok if I have water in my bedroom or get food out the fridge without asking other days if I do that he will lose it and scream at me and threaten me and call me names etc. He glares at me if I'm in the bathroom and he wants to be. He essentially just glares at me anytime I'm near him and he is wanting to do something.   I'm walking on eggshells, every time he sounds mad I get scared and I am worried I did something wrong and I get really defensive and I just never do anything right. But he's really confusing because one min he likes me and I can hug him but 10 min later he's screaming or making me feel like I have done something wrong. I try so hard to be a good kid and do what he says and avoid trouble but he never notices if I do something right only wrong. He always says I'm selfish and lazy and all I do is stay at home and I should get a job. Which isn't true I'm a full-time uni student trying to get into med, I have a perfect GPA I'm hardworking all I do is study and I applied for at least 10 jobs in the last week, I'm really trying. Pretty much anytime I do anything or say anything he isn't happy or tells me to shut up or just makes it clear he doesn't care so I go away. We have arguments and fights multiple times a week and it makes me very sad and angry and I often feel like self-harming or suicidal after we fight (even though I don't act on either of these things) He just bullies me over silly little things like spilling some water or being in the kitchen when he is. I just don't know how to stop the arguments because I try so hard to be good. I'm 18 not a child I hate how he treats me like this but I can't afford to move out and sometimes he's nice to me and I like him and I'm confused.  ... View more

Hi Everyone,  I am extremely socially aware and politically correct as is my best friend and I made a comment complaining about a teacher at uni who was incredibly rude and bad their job and disregarded me when I asked for help with an assignment and she hasn't spoken to me in 2 days and sent me a message saying my comment was unnecessary followed by a passive-aggressive comment with a shrug emoji, it was also written very formally so I know she is mad at me because if she gets mad this is what happens she just cuts you out completely.    We have been best friends for 8 years and have both experienced & currently do experience trauma and mental health issues which we have helped each other through really tough times and I feel incredibly guilty that I might have offended her and made her mad at me and hate me.   All my other friends think the message I sent was fine and not offensive and that I'm not a horrible person but I feel cancerous and I can't stop crying and feeling so guilty I feel sick and can't concentrate on my studying and .I'm so anxious about this I didn't even consider the comment to be offensive and if it was it was 100% an accident and so I have sent her 2 messages apologising for profusely but she hasn't replied and I feel like this is going to mean she doesn't trust me anymore or hurt our relationship and I feel sick.    I can't stop worrying about this and because I have an anxiety disorder it's even harder to stop I feel incredibly guilty and like a horrible person who deserves nothing    ... View more

So I need to rant and I need advice     My best friend is one of the only people I really love (I'm a bit unemotional) and cares about a lot and she's been there for me through a variety of mental health issues and life stressors and I have been there for her through hers, neither of us has had it easy. She's quite a closed off, introverted kind of person so she doesn't talk to many people and I'm the only person who knows most things about her life so I feel kind of responsible in a way also I'm training to be a psychologist so I'm supposed to be good at the kind of thing and usually I am but I'm honestly out of my depth.   So my friend similar to me is quite anxious and often worries that something bad might happen to her family and last night she was very worried that her mum was going to commit suicide and then her mum just disappeared in the night and didnt take the car and was gone for hours and I spent that time trying to comfort her and calm her down but then she started telling me things like signs that were concerning so I tried to help her get in contact but we couldn't and later that night she said her mum did try to and then I didn't hear from her for about 12 hours and I finally heard from her and her mum is ok but they spent the night in hospital and I can't go into details as it was quite graphic but I feel really bad and scared for my friend, she already had past trauma and now she is gonna be even worse because she was the found who foud her mum and had to call help and try and save her and stop her young brother seeing anything and It was heartbreaking to hear my friend in so much pain and she said she would have done anything to be with her mum if she died if it wasnt for her younger bro so that worries me....   I just don't know how to help or what to do and I feel kind of bad for trying to calm my friend down when she was actually right.    ... View more

Sooo I'm not really sure what to write so this will be a bit of a mess but here we go... Lately, I have been feeling bad about myself more than usual (tbh I always feel kind of bad about myself) and it's bothering me... I lack self-confidence in all aspects of my life particularly my physical self, the only part I kind of like is that I'm fairly competent academically I just finished my first uni semester with straight HD's so I find myself extremely fixated and obsessed with my grades and school work (I'm a perfectionist & a control freak) which isn't healthy probably but my entire self-worth is dependent on my grades.   I'm kind of off topic but I just really don't like my body at all especially my weight but I can't control my weight at the moment because I have a few anxiety disorders which I'm medicated for and the only side effect I get is weight gain (so I want to stay on them) and I can't lose weight no matter how I eat or exercise, even before the meds I had a hard time losing weight and I just feel incredibly ygross like I try not to look at myself without a lot of clothes on and I can't take a compliment ever especially about my appearance and my friends talk about sex or relationships and I'm fine talking about them but as soon as I'm brought into the conversation about my body I really hate it like I will never be physically attractive to anyone or be 'hot' or anything like that. I'm also trans so that makes the body issues worse because there are some things that are against me genetically that I can never fix or change like my chubby face or hips etc.    My lack of confidence in general not just about my body is impacting my life because I don't like going out in public and I cry when I shop for clothes plus due to the confidence issues I can't be assertive or ask for respect from others in my life eg. I have been out to my family for years but can't ask them to use the correct pronouns or name or say I want to go on hormones or anything, I can't ask people at uni to do that either and I have never corrected anyone when they misgender me I'm just so nervous and lack the confidence to have any control over my own life I care way too much what others think and don't trust myself at all and second guess everything I do, it stopped me from trying sports or dancing and applying for jobs or medical school. I'm not really sure what the point of this post is I just wish I was happy and not ashamed with my body, myself as a person or my gender and sexuality.    ... View more

  So I just need to rant a bit I am at uni and just a freak-out and definitely overreacted and feel horrid.   My friend and I were meeting at the unibar to get food because I don’t have any today and don’t have enough money to buy myself anything like a full meal so we were going half’s but when we got there she changed her mind and she kept changing her mind and wanted to go somewhere more expensive and I completely freaked out and had a stress induced break down and she went where she wanted to go without me and I feel as if she hates me and I have spent the last hour feeling incredibly depressed almost suicidal and crying.   I don’t know why I reacted that way I just get extremely stressed and anxious with change or not following plans. I suppose the fact that I have an anxiety disorder and am incredibly stressed about many things and exams in a few weeks might have contributed but I just feel like a cancerous person. ... View more

Hi guys, Sorry if this makes no sense I'm currently sobbing because of a Uni assignment. So iv been at uni for about 6 weeks and I'm having my first mental breakdown, I have an assignment due Thursday that I tried to start Monday (couldn't do it earlier because I had 3 assignments & a test last week) but I'm not sure how to do it, so I tried to do it yesterday but the assignment sheet is very vague and I don't know exactly what to do and I have an Anxiety disorder along with OCD symptoms and low self-esteem so I'm really scared of doing anything wrong I need someone to tell me what to do so I know im doing it right. But anyway i tried to do it Monday and I couldn't figure out how to do it and I can't get any help from lecturers till Thursday & thats when its due so I spent hours yesterday sobbing & iv been trying for hours today but I cant do it because I'm scared ill do it wrong so Iv have done nothing and I cant stop crying & im like 80% sure the uni won't  give me an extension even though I have a disability access plan because of my mental illness becuase its not an excuse to get an extension apparently & im to ashamed to ask coz i look unorganised and weak. I haven't gotten a grade less than a High Distinction since I started uni so I'm really worried I won't get a HD. What do I do? I can't stop crying & I kind of want to die. ... View more

  So my grandpa died this morning and I need to rant.   Ok so a bit of backstory, I was really close to my grandpa he was like my parent as a kid when my parents divorced I lived with them for years and he and my nana live next door so I see them everyday, he was my favourite relative. He was diagnosed with skin cancer about 5 months ago and he was in a lot of pain and was in hospital for a while but he was slowly getting better but then they found out he had cancer in his lymph system that it was aggressive and was incurable that was less than 3 months ago. He was really depressed and lost 50kg in a month and has been in and out of hospital and in pain and he has been really mean, grumpy and depressed for a few months. Last week he got pneumonia and went into hospital and has been there since and he just wanted to die so he wouldn't let the doctors treat the pneumonia so they just kept him comfortable. I have been really detached and unfeeling since we found out he was sick and I was fine I didn't feel anything unlike the rest of my family who have been sad and worried. I went to see him last night and he was unresponsive so we just sat there and the others were talking to him but I didn't because it made me uncomfortable and  didn't know what to say or do. My parents told me he died this morning and I just went oh ok and went back to sleep and was fine all day I studied did a test and went to uni all fine and I haven't cried until I wrote this & IDK why? maybe because he hasn't been himself since and it feels like he was already gone, maybe its because I'm mad at him for not letting them treat him, maybe something is wrong with me idk, I'm ok and then I remember I'll never see him again and its strange, I didn't even go see the body I just went back to bed. I hate showing feeling in front of people especially family so I will never cry in front of them or tell them how I feel. Sorry about the rant I don't really know what the point is. ... View more