When I was younger my dad was overly protective and overly involved in my life; we couldn’t go outside to the front yard without telling him and if we were in public my sister and I had to go to the bathroom together and he would just wait outside the toilet block, I had to check in with him about most things I was doing, he was like this until I was about 15-16 and then once I got to high school he was more neglectful.     My dad was an angry person when I was young and he scared me I think, he used to get angry most days and yell at me and my sister, I remember feeling like I was always disappointing him, I don’t remember what he used to say to me so idk if I can say I was emotionally abused because I was young and I cant remember, maybe I was just being a bad kid. I remember once when I was maybe like 5 or 6 I didn’t want to fall asleep alone or because I was scared of the dark and so I was crying and dad dragged me outside in the backyard and locked me outside in the dark until I stopped crying and agreed to go to sleep but I think it only happened once and I don’t know if my brain made it up lol. He used to yell at me when I was struggling to do my math homework and he would yell and punch the table when I kept getting things wrong and I always cry when I struggle with math or don’t get a question right in a test at uni now. He also used to get a bit physical when angry and get up in my face and grab me or push me and I tripped down the hallway and I used to run to my room and cry because I was scared but eventually I got sick of it and started arguing back and then he was a bit more grabby and pushy.   I know that it sounds bad but I honestly think it sounds worse than it was like I am successful and our relationship is better now and I'm not that fucked up and I'm pretty sure my issues aren't his fault or related to that. Like I know he loves me and he apologised for it after he was mean and tried to get help and be less angry and we did have good times so I'm conflicted if it was abuse and if I have childhood trauma, I know that based on the technical criteria it probably would count I just don’t feel like it does. ... View more

Hey :) So I am a uni student with a perfect GPA but I’m basically constantly on the edge of a mental break down. I am constantly stressed anxious and depressed I have an extreme problem with perfectionism and even if I reach my goals (top grades at uni in all classes) I feel like either I should do more work, should do better or that I’m stupid because I had to do more work than my classmates to get the good grades. God forbid I am unhappy with a grade I lose my shit and have a mental breakdown and can’t function anymore. It’s also other aspects of my life that my perfectionism really messes up include work, relationships and body image. If I’m not constantly doing something productive I feel guilty and like I'm a failure. On top of all this, I already have an anxiety disorder and related problems and am medicated for it. I feel like I really need help because all the stress and anxiety is really getting bad right now due to uni and I just can’t cope anymore but I don’t know what to do. I have been to 4 different mental health professionals, including psychiatrists, psychologists and mental health councillors and while they were all good none of them actually worked. I try hard in therapy and I do my best and I always go and engage and do the homework but it never really helps me as much as it should. One of the therapists told me that she can’t help me anymore and she doesn’t know why I seem to be getting better and suddenly go back to square one and said my anxiety was treatment-resistant. I don’t know what to do or how to fix this. I feel like a lot of it is related to the perfectionism but I have had it since I was a child and can’t seem to get rid of it and I don’t know what kind of therapy would work best for it? Ps. I have tried DBT, CBT and some ACT for the anxiety ... View more

Hey guys So I have been friends with my best friend for almost 8 years we are now in University (different degrees, same uni) and I definitely love her in a platonic soulmate way (I'd give her a kidney if she needed one) and I occasionally go hmm we are pretty close but its just how we are but literally everyone including my other friends and family think we are together. I don't think I have a 'crush' on her but I don't know if I love her more than a friend. Iv never had a crush or been in love with anyone. I was wondering if based on the following info I might? Or if someone can tell me how you can tell platonic love vs romantic love? So we talk most days via text (usually multiple times a day) if we don't I either wonder if she's ok or if I did something to annoy her. I suppose I treat her differently from my other friends like I like buying her stuff because it makes her happy and I have a photo wall of polaroids we have taken when we hang out. We have movie nights and watch movies on my bed and I suppose lean on each other. I get kind of jealous when she hangs out with other people. I'm not a touchy or huggy person I only have 2 people I really like hugging and she is one of them. We go on like birthday dates and for birthdays we write letters and give song suggestions not cards and organise like surprise birthday picnics etc. She is my lock screen we have probs 400+ photos of us on our phones. All of this could definitely be like a very close but last night we went to the Troye Sivan concert together and we were surrounded by hundreds of gay couples and I realised we kind of were acting like most of the actual couples and we kind of fit in like the linking arms and kind of constantly touching in some way and the like arm around the shoulder thing also I could tell she really wanted a hoodie from the merch stand but she couldn't afford it so I bought us matching ones and now I'm poor lol (they pricey). And like we looked at each other while singing the songs at some points and she kept crying during the concert (i feel like thats a bit gay). Also no clue if she likes sometimes i think she does. Anyway so am I big gay in love with her or is she my platonic soulmate? Ps: I am bisexual so not having a sexuality crisis also she knows and is like ill fight anyone who has a problem with it ... View more

Hey,    So I'm 19 and I was looking for a job to have while at uni and I had a very difficult time I applied for 160+ jobs and I got 1 interview and I got that job, not being wanted was making me depressed and I had that job for 3 weeks and then I suddenly got very sick, I got blood clots in my lungs and heart and my heart failed. I should have died I was in ICU for 2 weeks and recovering for 2 months and after I was better I had one shift at work and they fired me. So now I have no job and I feel very sad and depressed like someone hit me with a truck. I know I'm going to struggle a lot to get one and all my family say stuff like you do nothing, your lazy, get a job. I do 3 kinds of volunteering and full-time uni with perfect grades so I don't think I'm lazy.    I am a full-time neuroscience student in 2nd year and I have a perfect GPA of 7 and I'm terrified of losing it I would honestly probably sacrifice my friends and my health to keep it at a 7 I worked so hard to keep that I even managed to keep full marks while I was in ICU (it was week before exams when I got out). I honestly don't know what I would do if my GPA drops its unthinkable but I have a VERY hard course load this semester and the classes are really difficult and its a very large possibility that I'm going to end up with a 6.7 - 6.9 not a 7 and I would probably have a literal mental breakdown if that happens. Uni and grades are my life doing well academically is the only thing I have going for me in life and is the only thing I'm good at and proud of.    I should mention I have GAD and am medicated and see a therapist.    Not sure what the point of this post is I just don't have anyone to talk to. ... View more

Heyo, So to keep long story short iv been in CBT for 3 years 3 different psychologists and tbh I don't think it's done much (I saw a psychiatrist and I found him the best even though we did no therapy).     Background: I have severe health anxiety and Generalised anxiety and a bit of agoraphobia, iv have done CBT, talking therapy and DBT and they aren't bad I just don't feel like iv improved much if at all and the improvement I have seen is honestly, in my opinion, my medication. I do the homework and go to sessions and pay attention etc. I like my therapists I just haven't really found it useful. Im specifically anxious about health and dying and my own mortality. CBT hasn't helped because it's about identifying irrational thought patterns but I KNOW I'm being irrational.  Example; I get a headache and think oh I'm dying I'm having a stroke and I'm a med student I know I'm not having a stroke but despite the fact that I am able to be rational about it and know I'm probably fine doesn't help me, I'm still anxious and worried.    The fact that I can't control most things in life and that death is inevitable and that any of us could suddenly just drop dead without warning makes me panic. I KNOW that all of these things are possible and that there is no point worrying about it because I can't know or control it but this doesn't mean I'm not anxious or that it doesn't affect my life negatively.    I can't get rid of this fear and I can't control if I die so how can I just accept that this is how life is I can't do anything about it and just deal with the fact that death is inevitable and that life is almost entirely random and unpredictable?    Also what kinds of therapies are based on science/studies (I don't like wishy-washy therapy styles) that are good for anxiety, OCD and health anxiety that might help me based on the above explanation?   Thanks :)  ... View more

Hey :) So I have had anxiety and health anxiety for years I have been able to in last few months been able to tell myself I'm just anxious and not dying from a medical condition however a few weeks ago I had a near-death experience and Im lucky to be alive...   I was 100% ok walking around my kitchen when I felt my heart go funny and I felt like impending doom I assumed I was anxious so I sat on a high stool and woke up on the floor unconscious unable to move and I was home alone and I knew something was wrong I felt like Id been hit by a truck and my head hurt so I crawled down the hall to my phone and called an ambulance and waited alone for 2 hours for the ambulance and essentially I ended up having a very severe case of saddle pulmonary embolism; I had dozens of large blood clots in each lung that essentially caused my heart to be damaged and give out. I was rushed to ICU and given very aggressive meds directly into my lungs to save me. I was in ICU for 9 days and I according to my docs am lucky to he alive and they were very worried and its a miracle I even woke up when I collapsed. I had no symptoms of clots or embolism and I have no risk factors and they have no clue why it happened to an otherwise healthy 19-year-old. I am now on heavy blood thinning meds for the rest of my life and need to be monitored often.    Im now terrified to be alone, I cant sit on any stool at the breakfast bar. I also have been very highly health anxious and can't rationalise my anxiety anymore.  How do I cope with this (I already have a therapist)  ... View more

So I don't really know how to start this but I have had GAD with OCD tendencies and some depression and specific phobia for about 3+ years Iv seen 3 therapists a psychiatrist and been on 2 meds. None of the therapy really worked and I recently was sent back to my GP because my therapist said my issues were treatment-resistant and she couldn't help me anymore, I stopped the meds that did help because I put on 15kg and it was making me suicidal. I did actually get a bit better but lately iv been getting worse again.  The main point about this post is I'm finding everything difficult I'm feeling more depressed, I'm easily stressed I keep crying a lot which is abnormal for me. I feel lonely as I only have 1 friend who will listen to me about important stuff but she replies very irregularly so I can't talk to her.  I'm studying psychology at uni and I'm a 2nd year and I'm finding class boring so I'm stressed about maybe changing degrees and choosing medicine.  One of the biggest issues at the moment is my health anxiety, its not as bad as it used to be but its gradually getting worse again, I have IBS so my digestive system is whack and I have been controlling it for a year or two but in last few months its started getting irregular anf very temperamental, I'm getting sick when im out and getting stuck in public until im well enough to get home on the train again and I'm scared to leave my house, example today I had dance class which I really enjoy but I started feeling off before I was meant to leave and then I started feeling nauseous and panicked and I couldn't decide if I should go to class or not and I ended up not going, I paid for class so I wasted my money and I feel guilty not going because I know that I'm probably perfectly fine health wise and I would be ok but I can't seem to ignore that small chance that I am actually going to get sick in public and can't find a toilet. I rarely go out and when I do I keep having to leave early because I get sick. But once I'm home and I am sick for 15-30 min I'm ok after that. Being sick all the time is making me feel depressed and a bit suicidal I'm 19 i'm meant to be experiencing life and not being scared to go to uni or go out with friends. All I do is study to keep my perfect GPA (the only thing in life that gives me the purpose is having straight HDs) and I can't even go out with friends anymore or go to dance class without being so anxious I feel sick and cancel which makes me feel weak.  I'm not even sure what the point of this is other than life sucks.    ... View more

Hello :) I have GAD and I'm always scared when someone knocks on the door and I won't answer, today I actually answered it but it was religious people trying to talk about the bible, I'm an atheist but feel too anxious to say I'm not interested so I listened to them for 20 min pretending I was religious and wasn't very uncomfortable and then they started trying to convince me to get baptised they were really pushy about it and said the pastor could be here in 15 min, the idea of baptism is something I 110% never want to do and I felt so scared and peer pressured I lied and said I was going out in 10 min and then they said they'd come back another day and I lied and said I don't live here I'm house sitting and then they asked for my address but I said I feel uncomfortable giving my address to people and they asked for a phone number and I gave them a fake one and once they left I spent 20 min crying and panicing and shutting all the windows and doors and blinds coz I feel like they are waiting to see if I actually go out and I'm very scared. Im not sure what is wrong with me I almost let 4 strangers and a pastor come to my house and baptise me while I'm home alone and very scared and now I'm having a mild panic attack all because I didn't feel comfortable saying I'm not interested. ... View more

Hello everyone,   So I have/had a pretty severe anxiety disorder that reached its peak just over a year ago, essentially I constantly felt like I was dying and there was nothing I could do about it and I was going to drop dead any second, on top of this I had all the classic health anxiety and generalised anxiety symptoms, plus a few OCD like behaviours.    I went to GP and tried medications until I found one that worked and went to therapy, about a month ago I stopped my meds due to gaining a lot of weight on the pills which made me suicidal and brought out some other mental health issues that were overshadowed by the anxiety but related to it. On the meds I was much better, my anxiety was still higher than 'normal' but I can cope with it 90% of the time I'm fine. Since I have stopped the meds I feel the same as I did on then pretty ok. I feel guilty that I feel ok, I expected it to go back to me calling the ambulance every day convinced I was having a stroke but it hasn't yet. I'm anxious about the fact I'm not anxious, I feel like I should be anxious, I feel like I should be 'sicker'. I feel like I'm meant to be anxious, I have been anxious my whole life. I don't know why I'm not as bad anymore, now that I stopped meds I should go back to how I was because I didn't find therapy helpful so I don't see how that changed anything, my therapist thinks maybe its because I have changed my circumstances in my life that could have been causing me stress but I don't feel like much has changed. I'm also in uni I study 6-8 hours a day on top of uni I would do anything to get a perfect grade so I think im definitely under more pressure than I was so I don't understand why I'm not losing my mind.    I know I should be happy i'm less anxious and I am but I feel like its wrong almost like I'm meant to be anxious. I am definitely not mentally healthy I have other issues but my anxiety was the biggest issue and now I'm not anxious I almost feel like I failed at being sick or I somehow wasn't actually ever sick it makes no sense.    ... View more

Hi :)  So a bit of background info I have generalised anxiety disorder and specific phobia diagnoses and my GP thinks I may have some OCD and disrupted eating issues as well.    Firstly I have seen 3 psychologists that are paid and I have seen a therapist at a free service run by the government, however, I haven't really found any of them useful and I feel discouraged because I'm beginning to think therapy isn't actually helpful and a waste of time and money. My GP thinks that I need to go see an experienced clinical psychologist who specialised in CBT and anxiety related issues because I have more than one main problem and my case is complex but I can't afford that so I'm stuck with the free service atm.    I just wondered if anyone has actually found therapy helpful for serious mental illness and actually thinks its worth it?    I'm especially discouraged as I'm currently in uni studying to become a clinical psychologist, however because of these doubts and other things I have been reevaluating my career goals and am planning to apply for medical school and become a neurologist in the next few years, but I really care about mental health however because of my own experience with therapy I don't know if I want to be a psychologist anymore if its useless because I want to use my skills and time to significantly improve or help peoples quality of life and health.    What do you guys think?   Thanks.  ... View more

Hi    I have been doing dance classes for 6 weeks (1 class a week) Iv never taken a dance class others than the ones I’m taking at the moment. So I started doing contemporary for 3 weeks but I was very bad at that and it was too hard and during one class I felt so bad I started to cry and I felt horrible and useless and fat so after class I quit and dropped out of the class and I felt very suicidal all the way home and wanted to die and I felt that way for about a week (i also felt slightly suicidal the whole day even before dance but it got worse) So then my dance teacher said maybe it was just the style of dance that was wrong so I signed up for hip hop and have been doing that for 3 weeks but I’m really bad at this one also I feel fat and awkward and my body just doesn’t move that way I just look like a fat rigid clucky tree. After class I just feel sad and like crying. I’m considering quitting again but I feel like I’m giving up if I do that. I’m a perfectionist I can’t handle not being the best at things I am never satisfied with my performance for example I have a perfect GPA at uni and am attempting to get into medical school after my undergrad and I still have the need to beat everyone else and no matter what a grade is if I don’t get 100% it needs to be better. But not being good at things quickly almost always makes me suicidal if I don’t understand an assignment I get suicidal if I don’t look good when I go clothes shopping I get suicidal (I never look good clothes shopping) etc Im not sure what the point of this post is I’m just sad... I know I sound a bit immature but I'm not usually and I'm very ambitious probably to the point that its a bad thing. I work very hard to keep my grades at a standard that I think is acceptable I study approx. 6-9 hours a day, pretty much all I do is study. I also think my weight is an issue as I can't lose any weight because of my anti-anxiety meds no matter what I eat or exercise.    Ps. Not sure if it’s relevant but I have generalised anxiety disorder ... View more

Hi   So my best friend told me some secrets and experiences they had in the past surrounding abuse of an inappropriate nature and I'm the only person my best friend talks to or has told about these things. I have mental health issues and I felt bad so I needed someone to talk to about the issue so I spoke to my other friends about it to get some help but I feel very guilty for telling them. I didn't mean to betray my best friend I just needed some advice/help.   My other friends don't like my best friend because they don't like some of the things she does or how she is quiet and they think she is weird and boring but she's not and the way they see her is because they don't know her as well as me and a lot of the things they don't like are a result from her past experiences so I also told them to try to defend her and to get them to be nice and understand, which they do know but I feel really guilty because at that moment I didn't realise what I was doing but now I realise I have betrayed her and I feel awful. I was just trying to help her and help my own mental health....   What should I do? ... View more

Hello,   Some Background: My dad and mum got divorced because my dad was really mean to her and then many years later my mum remarried. My dad was a very scary and angry person and I was really scared of him when I was younger he hurt us and locked us outside for a few minutes at night if we were naughty and he made me feel bad about myself when I was younger but he's a lot better now. My stepdad is the problem now.   So my stepdad has always disliked me a bit I think ever since we have known him if anything goes wrong it's my fault, he's always angry and he's really unpredictable. One day it's ok if I have water in my bedroom or get food out the fridge without asking other days if I do that he will lose it and scream at me and threaten me and call me names etc. He glares at me if I'm in the bathroom and he wants to be. He essentially just glares at me anytime I'm near him and he is wanting to do something.   I'm walking on eggshells, every time he sounds mad I get scared and I am worried I did something wrong and I get really defensive and I just never do anything right. But he's really confusing because one min he likes me and I can hug him but 10 min later he's screaming or making me feel like I have done something wrong. I try so hard to be a good kid and do what he says and avoid trouble but he never notices if I do something right only wrong. He always says I'm selfish and lazy and all I do is stay at home and I should get a job. Which isn't true I'm a full-time uni student trying to get into med, I have a perfect GPA I'm hardworking all I do is study and I applied for at least 10 jobs in the last week, I'm really trying. Pretty much anytime I do anything or say anything he isn't happy or tells me to shut up or just makes it clear he doesn't care so I go away. We have arguments and fights multiple times a week and it makes me very sad and angry and I often feel like self-harming or suicidal after we fight (even though I don't act on either of these things) He just bullies me over silly little things like spilling some water or being in the kitchen when he is. I just don't know how to stop the arguments because I try so hard to be good. I'm 18 not a child I hate how he treats me like this but I can't afford to move out and sometimes he's nice to me and I like him and I'm confused.  ... View more

Hi Everyone,  I am extremely socially aware and politically correct as is my best friend and I made a comment complaining about a teacher at uni who was incredibly rude and bad their job and disregarded me when I asked for help with an assignment and she hasn't spoken to me in 2 days and sent me a message saying my comment was unnecessary followed by a passive-aggressive comment with a shrug emoji, it was also written very formally so I know she is mad at me because if she gets mad this is what happens she just cuts you out completely.    We have been best friends for 8 years and have both experienced & currently do experience trauma and mental health issues which we have helped each other through really tough times and I feel incredibly guilty that I might have offended her and made her mad at me and hate me.   All my other friends think the message I sent was fine and not offensive and that I'm not a horrible person but I feel cancerous and I can't stop crying and feeling so guilty I feel sick and can't concentrate on my studying and .I'm so anxious about this I didn't even consider the comment to be offensive and if it was it was 100% an accident and so I have sent her 2 messages apologising for profusely but she hasn't replied and I feel like this is going to mean she doesn't trust me anymore or hurt our relationship and I feel sick.    I can't stop worrying about this and because I have an anxiety disorder it's even harder to stop I feel incredibly guilty and like a horrible person who deserves nothing    ... View more

So I need to rant and I need advice     My best friend is one of the only people I really love (I'm a bit unemotional) and cares about a lot and she's been there for me through a variety of mental health issues and life stressors and I have been there for her through hers, neither of us has had it easy. She's quite a closed off, introverted kind of person so she doesn't talk to many people and I'm the only person who knows most things about her life so I feel kind of responsible in a way also I'm training to be a psychologist so I'm supposed to be good at the kind of thing and usually I am but I'm honestly out of my depth.   So my friend similar to me is quite anxious and often worries that something bad might happen to her family and last night she was very worried that her mum was going to commit suicide and then her mum just disappeared in the night and didnt take the car and was gone for hours and I spent that time trying to comfort her and calm her down but then she started telling me things like signs that were concerning so I tried to help her get in contact but we couldn't and later that night she said her mum did try to and then I didn't hear from her for about 12 hours and I finally heard from her and her mum is ok but they spent the night in hospital and I can't go into details as it was quite graphic but I feel really bad and scared for my friend, she already had past trauma and now she is gonna be even worse because she was the found who foud her mum and had to call help and try and save her and stop her young brother seeing anything and It was heartbreaking to hear my friend in so much pain and she said she would have done anything to be with her mum if she died if it wasnt for her younger bro so that worries me....   I just don't know how to help or what to do and I feel kind of bad for trying to calm my friend down when she was actually right.    ... View more