Hi @May_ no I haven't spoken about this before on the forums. Yes I feel safe. The last time I saw him in person was the day my friend passed away and he rushed over after he finished work to "support" me. He could not have been a worse "support" and actually made me feel worse. He was getting snippy at me and I said to him "Why did you even come?" and then he just got so enraged that he stormed out of my house. But the worst part of it was was that my son started chasing him down the hallway crying cos he could see him leaving. And this is just one example of several times when he has suddenly walked in and out of our lives with promises for change.  But this time I could see the hurt and confusion my son is experiencing from this toxic dynamic. Like he's starting to have anxiety around him even if he just leaves the room for a sec cos he thinks that it could be him walking out. So that combined with my absolute disgust in how he approached the situation in my moment of absolute heartbreak and raw grief has really set in stone I feel that I just can't keep this cycle going. And because I have not allowed him to see my son or I since or contacted him, he has been sending me "poor me" messages and if I dare respond with an explanation of my choice, he blasts me with abuse calling me every name under the sun. Says I'm not a good mother for "denying" their relationship, etc. When actually what I'm doing is protecting my son from constant uncertainty and instability in their relationship. That stuff affects development sooooo much in these early years. AND children identify most with the parent/parental figure of the same gender. And I don't want my son learning to disrespect me and learn his unhealthy emotional reactions.  ... View more

Hey @lennycat2017 did you get a chance to try anything out? I didn't do any of the last week's one which was to do with sleep hygine. ... View more

Hi @Pearl78    1800Respect could be a good starting place for info and support if you haven't looked them up before https://www.1800respect.org.au/  ... View more

Hey @Bananatime04 you should be a builder :P you're doing a great job in supporting and checking in with the forums users.  Today I finished day 1 of training to be a school mentor and tomorrow is the final day of training for it. I'm really proud that I actually made it to the training and it's not another thing I want to peruse but don't end up doing. So that was a massive achievement for me. I also got my final grade for my last uni subject I finished about a month ago. I got a Distinction so I'm really stoked about that too. But then I came home and just cried for my friend. Waiting for the funeral is really hard. How about you?? ... View more

Right now I am annoyed that I forgot to put the bins out last night and woke up today and did a mad rush to put them on the curb.... only to have been missed lol ... View more

Aww well rest up this weekend with your sore back if you can :) DInner was good thank you. My mum had my son for the night and I'm about to go pick him up. She said he didn't sleep to well and seems to have a cold :/ So nah no plan this weekend ... View more

Bob Marley made me so happy yesterday. Give me loveeee give me loveeeee!!   And the Bee Gees lol ... View more

1. Breath underwater 2. Seafood or curry 3. Definitely night person 4. Stationery  5. Not sure because I'm a bit out of the loop with superheroes. Maybe Spiderman? ... View more

I did thank you. I had a friends birthday dinner and saw all my old school friends. Have you got any plans for the weekend? Get Outlook for Android ... View more

Thank you but no thanks. There's nothing more i want to say about it here. Having his friend come see me so we could grieve and cry and talk about it together was the best support i think i could get from coping with this. I just wanted to let bananatime know that i can't support her or anyone on the forums now. Get Outlook for Android ... View more

Hey @Bananatime04 thanks again for checking in with me I'm eating tazeki and crackers in bed even though i have a house full of food. I'm fucking crying cos I'm reading all these beautiful posts and photos being posted on facebook about my friend who died. I just want my friend back :'( And I'm also laughing cos I keep finding hilarious memes in my newsfeed. I've been patting and playing with my kitten Jerry. He's so lovely. Everyday he gets more comfortable, even though he still spends most of his time under my bed. I got a callback for a job I applied for yesterday, so fingers crossed for that. I'm also doing the online part of my First Aid course that needs to be renewed.   How are you? I'm sorry that I haven't been engaging in the forums. I've only been logging on to reply to you ... View more

Thanks for checking in. I have been uncontrollably crying since I found out yesterday morning. I had only saw him last Thursday and we had said "see you next time" :'( We don't know what hapened to him until the family gets the corriner's report. He did have sleep apnea and would often stop breathing during his sleep.. or maybe he overdosed :( Maybe both the sleep apnea combined with drugs did it? He was only 32 ! I've known him for years and he was the most kind hearted soul in the world. Spending time with him was like my happy safe and always comfortable.  I didnt really have any mutual friend's with him, but one of his friends I met a few times came over last night and we grieved together. Having someone there who actually knew him and talk about him and memories and cry together was amazing. I feel like I don't have to grieve alone anymore by just saying general stuff to people who didn't know him. Does that make sense? I'm literally writing freely and probably rambling but yeah.  It feels so wrong that he is gone. He deserved all the happiness in the world. I wish I had told him that I loved him. Our friend told me that he would have known that I did. I wrote in chalk in my backyard "I love you Mark". Writing this is making me choke up again :( I will go t his funeral when we know when it is. So many people loved him and I just wish it was all a disgusting joke and that he's actually fine :( I even called him after I was told he had passed. I knew he wasn't going to answer. ... View more

I'm sorry @Bananatime04 but I'm in no position to support anyone right now. My friend died today. He just didn't wake up and I'm absolutely heartbroken. ... View more

No worries @Bananatime04. I hope you sleep well.   I'll do my best to log in tomorrow. If you tag me in the post like you usually do anyway, I'll get an email notification so I'll know when you're ready ... View more

Yes and no. I'm doing resume / cover letter job stuff. And I'm talking here on the forums.    I've got 1 tab open for jobs and 1 tab open for you! haha   What would you like to talk about? ... View more

Thank you @Andrea-RO for the reminder. Did you edit my post about this already?  ... View more

The job was for an intake and assessment position for people who are experiencing homelessness ... View more

Okay I'll edit that word out. Thanks for the tip!   Please don't do anything to harm yourself :( You'll have let that bully win if you do that.  ... View more

Awwww @Bananatime04 we must have good taste ;) ... View more

omg what a piece of **** he is!!!!!!!! i'm so angry that he has said those things to you!   Whoever he is I suggest you block him so he can't tell you anymore toxic lies. There is clearly nothing positive that can come from this person.   How do you know him? Is there a way you can make him accountable for his actions by telling a parent or school?   It is extremely abusive what he has said to you and it is NOT ok. It sounds as though he has every intention of causing you harm.   I can relate to you feeling like self-harming as a way to "prove" your mental health issues. When I first self-harmed it was because a psycho guy I was seeing devalued my depression so I self-harmed and showed him and he just called me stupid :(  ... View more

And I'm also proud that I applied for a job! ... View more

I adopted a rescue kitten this week!!!! I named him Jerry and he is 4 months old. He is still very scared and has been hiding under my bed since I bought him home. I have put a fluffy blanket under there for him and moved his food and water under there too. He has come out to use the littertray so at least he knows what to do there hahah.    Tonight I heard him creep out and do a sneaky scratch on his post - so that's a good sign!    I've just been sitting down on the floor with him telling him that I'm so glad he's here and I can't wait til he lets me love him more ... View more

Hi @Bananatime04 sorry that I haven't been on the forums lately. I have read the last few posts on this thread. I am online now to talk with you about whatever you need <3 ... View more

Hi @Clarents. Congrats on quitting smoking weed! That's such a massive achievement! :D I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling in your relationship right now. Can you identify any reasons why you no longer feel attracted to him anymore?  From my experience of using drugs and being in a relationship with another user, I found that I associated them with drug use and the relationship as a whole on drug use. ... View more

Hi @DruidChild thanks for following up with this and sharing your routine :)   Hmm..the last week has been slightly better. But there are definitely some things I still need to improve - for example, not going back to sleep after I drop my son off at daycare! It makes me feel like the biggest bum when I do that. I have found that just settling down on the couch after dinner with a pillow and blanket watching tv for a few hours has helped me wind down before I go to bed. I just got a new mattress delivered and tonight will be the first night I sleep on it so I'm excited for that! My old mattress was like sleeping in a wok! ... View more

@lennycat2017 cooling eye masks??? To stop you from going back to sleep!?? Wow. That sounds amazing. I must look them up ... View more

Hi @missep yes I can totally relate to thinking "I have work tomorrow" and non stop thinking about it -.- It's so frustrating cos for me there is literally no new information or thoughts that I will think about to do with it. It's as straight forward as "I have work tomorrow" and thoughts like "I have to get to work" "I have to get up" "I have to do my job" "There are XX number of people who work at my job" etc   Mindfullness is a good idea. I have been trying to listen to Smiling Mind meditations before bed. I'm still very new to it though.  ... View more

Hi @Bananatime04 sorry I haven't been online for a few days. How are you today? Don't feel bad about blocking the guy you don't know. Sometimes i get randon adds for stranger and i just block them. Weirdos ... View more