Hi @Hannah-RO  I am feeling a little better today. My life is about to change because I am moving far away from home for the first time, and starting university. I haven't been doing pretty much anything with my life for a while because of covid, I have struggled with unemployment and am still unemployed, I only had a couple of friends to begin with, and since covid I have barely seen them at all.  I am going to try and start excising again and just forcing myself to not go on my screen as much. I know I will hopefully be okay, but its just hard to deal with sometimes. ... View more

Hi everyone, its been a while. Sorry, but i just need to rant and get this out because I have been feeling like this for ages.  I am freaking out about a lot of stuff in my life atm. And I feel like that anxiety makes me procrastinate and then not get around to doing anything, but everyday I think of what I should be doing. Its like my mind never stops, and I always think of things I could or should do, but never actually do them. I think I am addicted to escapism, I spend most of my time on my screen watching youtube or reading or just living through other people on the internet, I guess. I feel like i have totally lost myself. But when i do get off the screen I am overwhelmed with this great gnawing emptiness and i just cant stand it so i go back on my screen again. I just feel totally empty a lot. Like really just empty. Not sad or low or anything, just absolute nothingness. I feel this hyperawareness of myself and my physical self which I don't like, and then emptiness. Like its just my body and my mind, and the great absence of good things within it. I think I might have depression clinically. But my life is still kind of empty anyway and i know there are a lot of reasons why I could be depressed, so idk. I also dont want to go to a gp or therapist or anything because my life is about to drastically change in around a month, which I have been waiting for, for ages, and I think things will change with me mentally then too. Idk.  Sorry, a lot of this doesnt make sense. But i just feel so empty and i really dont know how to deal with it or what to do to get over this feeling. This isnt new at all, but I know it has been especially persistent lately.  I just wanted to get that out there before I implode.  ... View more

Devil in Paradise - Cruel Youth   Is anyone voting in the hottest 100 ? ... View more

Australia ... View more

@Macaria I agree. There is a massive pressure put on people, especially women, to conform to societies standard of 'beauty'. We have been conditioned to think about beauty and our bodies a certain way, pretty much since we can remember. Even for instance, the dolls we might have played with. Or the characters on our tv. I know beauty standards are unrealistic for a large majority of women. And I try to remind myself of this, but sometimes it gets the better of me. I am still going to try and talk to butterfly foundation or someone about it. Thank you for your reply <3 ... View more

@Bingo1234 I am going to try and look at my body more as what it should be, just a body. The 'vessel', so to speak, for my soul. I am going to work towards appreciating it and loving it more. And just being healthier in general. This body image issue stuff comes and goes pretty frequently. Sometimes, like recently, it gets a bit worse than usual, but I'm working through it. Thank you for your support. <3 ... View more

@new1234567I have a feeling my parents would have a similar approach. I think I will try to talk to a professional and someone who deals with health. I want to be healthy, so I think I'm going to try focusing on that. Thank you for your support <3 ... View more

@ayrc_1904 @Taylor-RO @Tiny_leaf  Thank you for your support. I haven't really considered telling my mum, because she is quite blunt with these things and I know she would just think im being stupid. She already has a little go at me when she thinks im not eating enough. Which I know is out of care, but if I did tell her I just know it wouldn't be much of a conversation.  Sorry by the way about my post, I should have read the guidelines first, and now that you edited it I can see and understand what I shouldn't have put in there.  I think for me, this thing is probably more tormenting for my mind than my body at the moment. I think it is taking a toll on my mental state to be this consumed with my body image and my eating.  I also just want to say I don't think its really bad, but I also don't think its really good. But I don't think I would allow myself to get to a really bad point with my health, but still, I know this isn't exactly healthy either.  I have tried to talk to butterfly foundation last night, but they were too busy. So I think I will try again today.  Thank you everyone. I'm feeling okay today. I think when I feel better mentally, I tend to take care of myself better too. And both impact the other aswell. Thanks again. <3     ... View more

@basketofmonkeys It's exciting that you're getting braces. I got my braces when I was 17 and after almost 2 years I am about to get mine off. I was super nervous about getting mine, both because I was older and because I just hated dentist stuff. But having braces actually made me get over my fear of dentists since I had to get regular checkups. They will be uncomfortable at first but after the first month or so you wont even notice them. I also had crowded teeth and I was really self conscious about smiling and laughing. I'm happy I got them and that they are finally coming off lol. Good luck and don't worry too much. It will be okay so long as you take care of them. Hope you are feeling okay after having ur teeth removed. =)   ... View more

@Hannah-RO I started on monday this week. And it is very intense to say the least. I am sore all over, but as the days go by my body seems to be adapting a little bit. I also hate waking up early, but you gotta do what you gotta do I guess. ... View more

@Hannah-RO Thank you, I'm pretty nervous because I haven't worked in a while, and its also a very labor intensive job, but I'm still happy to be making money again. ... View more

@Abderian Its okay, I appreciate you replying at all. This week I have been feeling pretty good actually. I just got offered a temporary job, so I'm happy about that. Overall things have been going alright with me. Thank you for your support. I hope things are going well with you. ... View more

@wanderingwasp For general anxiety and physical symptoms of it, I found it quite hard because the physical symptoms were with me for a long time, even a while after I had stopped feeling so anxious. I just tried to do breathing techniques, grounding excersices, spending time in nature, sometimes when I was fidgety and restless I would try and do a workout or dance, to use up some energy and tire myself out. I also ended up trying this really mild herbal medicine at one point, which was called 'seremind', I think it helped a little bit. Maybe trying aromatherapy, or essential oils, especially lavender.  I use to say 'mantras' in my head. I would do visualising and externalizing, so imagining my anxiety as an 'energy' I could shake off or breathe out. I also use to externalise it, so I would imagine it as a seperate being, and use to tell it quite literally to 'f*ck off', which may sound strange lol, but it worked for me. Also finding pressure points to ease anxiety, I think the one I used to do was about three fingers below your wrist and lightly massaging it, it use to help me a bit.  Its cool that you're trying meditation, so something else I really recommend is 'guided sleep meditation', its on youtube and they do a 'talk down' so you gradually release tension from your body and just generally calm down with the words of the video, you don't have to do it in your sleep or anything, but I use to listen to it before I went to sleep while I was laying in bed; if you find the right one they can really help. Also, I wanted to recommend this youtube channel that focuses a lot on dp/dr and anxiety, that I use to watch a lot, his name is 'Jordan Hardgrave' aka 'anxiety ninja'. I hope some of that may be of help to you. The physical symptoms of anxiety really suck . I used to get pretty frustrated sometimes, simply from being so jumpy and easily startled, and even having shaky hands and all that. Especially the heartbeat though, I went to hospital a couple times in the beginning because I was scared I was having a heart attack, but gradually I learnt to deal with these feelings through these techniques, and importantly just lowering my anxiety overall, and giving my body time and patience to lessen the symptoms of it.  I hope you are feeling okay today, and hopefully some of these may work for you.      ... View more

@Bre-RO Thank you  ... View more

@Saltwaterdreamtime Love this idea! This playlist I would say gives me the vibes of moving on and being at peace with the eternal movement of life.   And so we go on: Always Forever - Cults Running Red Lights -  The Avalanches Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear Mud - RAT!hammock Love It Or Leave It - Asaf Avidan Bad Things - Cults Cherry Flavoured - The Neighbourhood Ya No Te Hago Falta - Sen Senra           ... View more

@wanderingwasp Hi, this is the thread I made a while ago if you want to have a look =) ... View more

@wanderingwasp I'm so glad that my reply may have comforted you a bit. I know how horrible the experience is.  The whole 'triggering cycle' is really tricky, and it was actually one of the hardest parts of trying to overcome it, because my immediate response to such dissociation was to freak out, but it only made it worse. At one point I was just in a perpetual state of fear and anxiety, and I actually spiraled into a bit of a mental break down because I felt like I was losing my mind and I couldn't handle it anymore. It was actually from that point onwards that things started getting a bit better. It took a while, and I was in this really really anxious space of obsessive thinking and anxiety and detachment for a couple of months, and it was absolute hell, but I learnt a lot from it. I had to learn to sit with discomfort and fear and detachment, and not fuel it by freaking out or focusing on it, which is not an easy thing to do at first. I use to think about the dp/dr every day because I was desperate to be over it, but I had to learn to think and focus on it as little as possible. When it was super intense and I was really aware of it, I had to try and act as though it were nothing, so as not to tell my brain it was something 'significant' or something it had to 'protect' me from. So, honestly there wasn't an exact moment when I realised it was gone. It happened very gradually, so much that I didn't really notice it happening. From not focusing on it, it became natural for me to not to think about it, and so it kind of just faded and became less intense over time. Its hard because its kind of like a lifting fog, if you sit and stare at it, it will likely seem like nothing is changing, but if you look away and then look back after a while ,you'll realise that it's gone. Its really hard because desperately wanting it to leave will usually only extend it. The main point, at least for me, was trying to forget about it, not focus on it, give it less power and energy from my thought and anxieties. But also learning to be more comfortable with the feeling of dissociation, and realising it was not an inherently terrifying or terrible thing, and I started seeing it more as something my brain had done to protect me. But I can say now, that I get moments where I notice that the dp/dr is mostly gone, because suddenly I am feeling something. Suddenly, I am liking someone, or missing someone, and I am reminded that I can finally feel things again. Sometimes I am sitting outside and suddenly I feel like all my surroundings come into focus, I can feel the world around me, my senses aren't numb, I feel like I am present in the moment, and it is wonderful.  I do still struggle with it sometimes, it isn't entirely gone, but I'm okay with that because I stopped believing in being 'better again' or back to something I used to be. I learnt that recovery does not lead to that paradise place of 'better', sometimes it only leads to okay, before it can lead to good, and that is enough. Sometimes you relapse, or you think you're over something and then you're pulled back into it, and that's okay too.  It will take a while for you to notice that it has lifted, when it finally does. But you will notice it eventually.  I hope that wasn't too long, and I hope that made sense. I struggled with it for a long time, and I know there isn't a lot of support or conversation around it, so if you have any other questions or you just want to talk about your experiences and symptoms, than I am always open to talk to.  ... View more

Hi, @wanderingwasp  I made a similar thread a while ago because I felt like it wasn't talked about a lot. I think its really great that you've started this thread, as dp/dr is something that isn't that widely known. It's nice for people to be able to know they aren't alone.   I dealt with dp/dr for a a couple of years, and I still deal with it sometimes. But when I was in the depths of it, I thought I was never going to be free from it. It truly is a horrible feeling. I remember feeling like I had lost all grip on reality, I thought I was going 'insane'. I felt entirely disconnected from my surroundings, the people around me, and even my reflection. Everything felt almost two dimensional and simply 'unreal'. I also struggled with feeling like I was stuck inside my body, and having 'inner body' experiences, where it felt like I was behind my eyes and not in control of my body at all, if that makes sense. Feeling as though there were a pane of glass between me and the rest of the world. Something else that really troubled me was being emotionally numb, and feeling entirely retreated, almost like I was just a shell of the person I use to be. During this hard time, I thought it would never go away and I would have to live with it forever, and I would never feel again, like I use to. However, what helped me, was talking about it to others, and trying to address what had happened to me, in my case it was extreme stress and repeated low-level trauma. DP/DR isn't easy to deal with. And its something that a lot of people who haven't experienced it, will have trouble understanding. I remember telling my mum one night, and she actually got a little offended once I told her I couldn't feel any emotion towards anyone; that I knew I loved my family, but I couldn't feel it.  Things that helped me get through this, and finally into a better place where I rarely have to deal with it like I use to, were mainly: Trying to address what had triggered it in the first place. Trying to be understanding towards myself and of DP/DR by educating myself on it, so I was no longer as afraid or confused about it, and less alone in it. Trying not to freak out or focus on the feeling of dissociation, because in my experience it only made the feeling temporarily worse, because it can signal to the brain that it needs to 'protect' you more, and so it tries to pull you away from it, but only results in taking you deeper into the feeling. Grounding techniques is something I used a lot, so like, putting my hand on a cold surface and focusing on the feeling, listing things for each of my senses, what can I smell, what can I see, what can I touch, what can I hear. Sometimes I would simply touch objects around me to better help me feel grounded and aware of my surroundings, and to remind myself that the things around me were real and three dimensional. Listening to meditation or calming music without vocals, and doing breathing exercises. Talking to people and getting professional support. And, one of the most important, being patient and kind with myself.   DP/DR can be extremely troubling and disheartening and scary, but it does improve. It can take a while, but you are not alone. You matter. You are enough. You are real, and everything around you is. You will be okay. I have been in the depths of it, and felt as though I would never be free from it. But with time, I got to where I am now, which is a much, much better place. ... View more

@Hannah-RO  Hi, thank you for your support. At the moment, looking for professional help is more just me trying to talk to someone through head space or another professional online. It may sound a bit strange, but I don't think I'm willing to dive deep into what ever this is just yet. I feel like there is a lot on my mind and things I am trying to work out in my life right now, and I feel like I don't really have the mental space to start dealing with it on a deeper level yet.  I would like to discuss it a bit with a professional, but I don't want to start seeing a psychiatrist for it right now. I think I am in a relatively okay place with my mental health over all, and it has taken me a while to get here, so I think I will try to deal with this lightly, if that makes sense? I think I just really needed to tell somebody, and understand it a bit more for the moment. I definitely think I need to address it, but I don't think I really want to start having sessions in person right now.  Thank you for your support, I really, really appreciate it. ... View more

@Abderian Thank you so, so much. That really helped me, and put my mind at ease a little. I think I can connect with 'mild' and non-physical experiences having a deep impact, that makes a lot of sense. Thank you for sharing that with me, I really appreciate it.  At the moment I'm feeling better than I was earlier today. I still feel kind of weird. This thought of wether I may have some kind of childhood trauma is something that has come to me a few times over the past year, and each time it always puts me in a spiral and I struggle a lot with weird feelings and anxiety, but I have never really reached out for professional help, which I think is important for me to do this time. Rn I'm feeling okay, even thinking more of these feelings and thoughts I think I am already understanding them more.  Thank you for replying, it means a lot. ... View more

@sunnygirl606  Hi, I have been trying to connect with a professional but they have been pretty busy I think. But I will keep trying. I have thought about writing out these feelings, and maybe that would help me understand them more, I think I will give it a go. Thank you for your support. ... View more

@StormySeas17Yeah, its a little daunting to see people writing to so well and fast lol. But no, I don't really have a goal in mind. I would like to write more often and feel more motivated to write, but I'm personally not a huge fan of routine.  ... View more

Pink Moon - Tash Sultana ... View more

@lokifish cool idea,   I joined on 16th of December. ... View more

I'm just curious, do a lot of writers here have a writing routine that they follow? Or do you just write when you feel like it?  I have been writing this idea out, but I have no routine, I just write when it comes to me, so sometimes I don't write for days or weeks, and then other days I write a lot. It just comes in bursts. I have seen that some authors take around 6 months to a year to finish a book. But I get the feeling my first draft won't be finished for like a couple years lol.   ... View more

U.N.I.T.Y - Queen Latifah ... View more

@AnnoyingCockatiel Yeah, I think backpacking would be an amazing experience sometime in the future when the world is in a better state. Its a shame about this situation. Hopefully things will improve soon though.  ... View more

@ecla34 Thank you for the recommendations. I actually bought pride and prejudice a few months back, but I didn't get past about ten pages because I thought it was kind of boring. However, I am determined to read it at some point, so I'll have to start soon.      ... View more