@Hannah-RO  I guess I have been really lucky living in wa, we had little to no restrictions applied. Bigger events during the uncertain times were canceled but everything seems to be going back to normal slowly.   And well idk how she feels or what she felt that night. I haven’t asked about calling and idk seems like a lot  ... View more

Haven’t said anything in awhile here, I don’t think I’m struggling with the same issues as I once was, maybe slightly different but a bit more positive. I’ve limited my gaming and twitch use as I was finding it unhealthy and I think I’m doing a lot better, I’ve recently gone to my first two live music gigs and I think I’m already addicted to it, everyone there is on the same level and the acts are amazing.   My closest  friend has recently gone fifo for the mines 3 on and 1 off and I guess it’s led me to realise that the only time I’m out with people he’s been there. So I’ve sort of been just staying home until he gets back then we go out with friends but now I’ve been going to these music gigs and it like going from 0 to 100, with no one then massive crowds, but it’s been good I met this girl from the first gig and I’ve been talking to her hopefully we can meet up sometime. It’s weird how stuff happens like you have no control but when it happens you’re greatful.  I had never met this girl before, an absolute stranger, we didn’t even exchange any words, I went to rest my arm on her shoulder and she grabbed my hand without a second thought and I just went with it, we held hands and danced from what I can recall was about 10mins (night is still a little blurry) then she disappeared in the crowd never to be seen again. But during that time was idk if I want to say happiest but definitely the first time I felt happiness in a long time, like nothing else mattered in that moment, it was just us and the music having a moment and it was just complete bliss. But I guess this is where my issues come in because now I felt that I want to have that feeling again but I don’t know if I ever will, I don’t know if it was her, the music or everything combined but I think I’m associating that feeling with only her and I just hope that we can meet up, be good friends or maybe something more? Idk anymore. I somehow found her and started talking to her and she seems keen to also meet but she’s moved and now lives like 2.5h away so idk how to, I don’t have my license so I can’t drive and she seems like a very spontaneous person, said she doesn’t really like making plans and sticking to them which I can understand because I feel the same way sometimes.   I guess I just want that feeling of “true happiness “ again :( ... View more

@Andrea-RO it just feels like an unhealthy distraction, so I'm cutting it out to see how I feel.    " Distractions are important for temporarily putting aside how you're feeling" if this is true I've been putting my feelings aside my whole life, I don't know if I'm scared to face them but it's easier this way. ... View more

I thought I'd get used to being alone, feels like it's going to stay that way for a long time. The thing is I can't stand being alone but I do nothing about it, I'm always using distractions to get away from reality, always searching for new escapes, never wanting to feel alone but I can't escape, there is no escape, only distractions. Whenever I'm alone I always listen to music, I can't bare silence, I can't even sleep without something, I always listen to music. And for the past four months I used twitch as an escape, before that it was YouTube, I used photography as an escape but that didn't last long, I bought my own DSLR and haven't used it for months. Only I can help myself but it's hard doing everything on my own. I wish I had someone close that I could rely on, someone who could help me. ... View more

I feel terrible, I feel like I'm doing nothing with my life and that I'm letting twitch consume me. I felt so out of control, so I uninstalled the app and I left all the discord servers associated with it, but now I'm feeling almost a sense of guilt, because I keep thinking I'm doing because I'm seeking attention, but that's not true I just want to get away from everything. This is all so confusing, I thought I would feel a sense of relief from leaving everything, but I'm instead stuck with this ill feeling of guilt. I just want to be in control for once but my emotions always control me. ... View more

Sure ... View more

I guess I'm also feeling really lonely and I haven't been helping myself by keeping to myself and withdrawing from people. I would never try to bring anyone else down and it makes me happy to see others happy but it also makes me sad because I know I could be out doing stuff that makes me happy but I don't, I don't know why I don't want to help myself. Often I'm confused how to feel and the only thing I know how to do is be sad so I've been resorting to that emotion when I'm overwhelmed, doesn't last for long generally but I think it's been affecting my sleep, even right now I feel so tired and exhausted even though I haven't done anything. ... View more

I've been apart of a online community for about 4 months now and I think I'm starting to realise that nobody really wants me there, like I'm apart of it but all I am is just there if that makes any sense. Sorta reminds me of when I was at school or with certain people/friend groups, felt like no one really wanted me there but I was there, no one was really opposed to it but felt kinda out of place if that's a better way to put it. I don't know why I feel this, I honestly don't know why I feel certain ways most of the time and it can get pretty confusing and stressful at times. Don't know what I'm expecting to hear from this, feels better to get things out I guess. ... View more

@Maddy-RO    I've never heard that saying before but I really like it.  ... View more

I'm sorry but I don't think I can really talk about it ... View more

I was somewhat glad to finish school because it meant I didn't have to hear or deal with drama, but I'm starting to realise you can't escape it because people thrive off of it, no matter where I go irl or online it finds me and I'm kind of over it, people need to just grow the fuck up, let go of shit and move on. Guess it's just the society/generation we live in, I've noticed most of the time people cause shit for self gain but there's a large minority that does it because that's who they are, they don't gain anything from it yet they still do. I'm sick of seeing it everywhere I go, everyone should be able to just get along to some extent. ... View more

@Tiny_leaf sorry to hear that you're not feeling to great atm, but atleast they're doing something about your situation now. I recently fractured my ankle, went to the hospital and they put a back slab on my leg (basically just half a cast) then said they will contact us in a week, well they didn't get back to us, after about a month of not hearing (because of the pandemic we knew it might take a bit longer) we went in and they said that I must have got lost in the system or something, was an annoying process but we got it sorted out and now I've got the cast off, still finding it difficult to walk though ahah. ... View more

@Tiny_leaf Hey,   Not sure if you remember me, I haven't been on the forums in a while. How have you been? How are you? ... View more

Hey @Janine-RO    I'd say my sleeping is pretty normal at the moment and it happens whenever. Sure I can look into those things, I usually just listen to music when trying to go-to sleep which usually works but there are some songs that make me, uhh it's hard to explain because I don't think it's just sadness so I'll just say emotional. ... View more

Hey @Bre-RO    I don't know to explain it, it's a bit confusing, I guess I'd express it as a wave of sadness or too much being overwhelming causing me to break down. Often when I'm alone at night/when I try to sleep, can't make any sense of it because there's usually no trigger or reason. ... View more

I'm back here huh, I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, good because I know how supportive everyone is but bad because it's the only support I have as I can't talk to anyone about anything really.   Still yet to see anyone for any diagnosis or talk to anyone about this stuff, guess it's disappeared for a while not to concern me, but past month I'd say it's started showing same sort of symptoms from what I remember. Irrational emotions not many thoughts this time suprisingly, but mostly just confusing emotions not making any sense at all. There's no real triggers just random waves of emotion lasting anywhere from 10 mins to a couple hours, I want to make sense of it all but I know that means seeing someone, a professional. I don't think I'm up for that sort of thing yet and from what I've heard it's not the best to be diagnosed with BPD.    I don't have anyone to to turn too with this sort of thing, I don't think anyone could really make sense of it anyway, I just feel as though I need physical support, someone I can hug and tell everything but whenever I try to open up my emotional side they disappear, is it too much for them? I don't think I'm searching for a romantic relationship just someone that I can be close to and rely on but I've stopped searching for people, I've decided to let people find me in a way I guess, let our paths cross organically and if things progress then so be it.  ... View more

Just after posting that last one and reading over it, I do feel something I guess. Not emotionally but physically, I have a slight tenseness in my chest it's extremely mild but I have had this worse when experiencing a panic attack. I'm fine for now though. ... View more

I was just informed less than an hour ago that my great grandpa passed during an operation last night. And I feel the same as did last time almost nothing, I feel like something is wrong with me. I miss him of course but I don't feel sad, I don't feel anything, a neutral state of mind quite relaxed, no tension anywhere. I don't know if this is how I've learnt to cope with loss, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't think I'm dissassotiating, I'm very much aware, I know I'm here.   I think I'm fine. (Yes I'm safe I'm talking in general how I've been)   Just a little update, hope everyone and whom ever is reading this has a great day!  ... View more

It's weird how I'm feeling emotionally, for months now I've felt nothing, empty. Not really feeling any emotions then my nan passed away not long ago and I was fine until the funeral date, I felt angry, not at myself but others. Then back to nothing and the most emotional I've felt since was watching a video in my YouTube recommend about how Kurt/nirvana changed the music scene transitioning to grunge. I cried evething is confusing but it feels like nothing is wrong because I don't feel anything like a neutral state. ... View more

Hey @Maddy-RO,   I don't think I really have a problem with socialising or talking to people, I think I have more of a problem opening up and letting people know what's going on. I have no supports and no one to talk to about this I think, I've tried to use the helpline but it just doesn't work for me, kinda had for me to think that they genuinely care, they are stuck there for hours listing to people's problems that are probably far worse than mine and feel kinda bad for wasting their time.   ... View more

I'm safe and will always be, I don't think I could inflict pain on myself or anyone else. I finished yr12 last year and now I'm stuck at I job I don't want to work, no one messages me to see what I'm doing, I'm always the instigator in that sense. Whenever I ask "friends" they are always busy with work or something/someone else. ... View more

Cap ... View more

@Tiny_leaf yeah, I've got two dogs and cats, fish and a bird. What about you? ... View more

@Tiny_leaf yeah I could be doing better aha. Fish are always good, as pets and food 😂. ... View more

Hey @Tiny_leaf, been a while huh. How are you doing? ... View more

Well it's been a while since I've put anything on here. I thought I was doing good, not needing support from others or relying on the forum, but here I am. I've just recently been experiencing some of what I used to, feeling drained, tired, random emotional out bursts. I'm fairly sure I know what has triggered this but would have to be more subconsciously than on purpose, if that makes sense. I really just want someone to be there for me atm, because it truly does feel like I'm all alone. ... View more

@MisoBear I generally just listen to music or watch YouTube. ... View more

Hey @MisoBear, I really don't know if I can talk to anyone else, I don't really know what I can or would do. ... View more

Hey @Jess1-RO that's exactly how I feel. Haven't confirmed if I'm seeing them this weekend, hopefully it works out. I'm looking forward to it, I just want to talk to someone about everything face to face, I think it will be reliving to get everything out. ... View more