Aww @Eden1717, I can hear how scared you are and I'm sorry if you're feeling unheard. Do you agree with the health professionals at all when they say they will help?    The side effects SUCK. There's not really another word for them is there? So I can definitely understand your concerns and fears around going through it all again. Do you think maybe speaking with the team and coming up with some sort of plan that helps to make sure you take them every day at the right times might help? I know you struggle to take them in the first place so it won't be easy, but I'm just wondering if maybe learning to take them when you're meant to and keeping a regular routine with them will help with the side effects? I just know from my own experiences that taking them at random times etc always used to knock me around and is when I'd notice the side effects. Not all meds work that way, but just wondering if it's something you could talk to them about? Trying to form a routine?    It sounds as thought the devil is really not making this any easier hey? That must be so scary to hear! Have you spoken to them about what the devil is saying to you? I know he might be telling you not to say anything but I think it'd important you do so that they can keep you safe and know how to best help you?    Do you think maybe the devil is scared because taking the meds might help you and give him less power over you?  ... View more

It sounds like that would have been such an exhausting appointment @Eden1717, but it also sounds like they are willing to help and maybe do the right thing by you? As much as the meds and injections suck and are scary, I truly do think they just have your best intentions at heart and want to see you feeling more stable within yourself. I really like that they have organised another appointment for next week with you and that they are going to check in today. I understand it's a lot to take in, and I'm not trying to down play it or anything, but I do think it's good you have some support there and it sounds as though they are taking this serious and willing to put in the hard yards if you can meet them there and do the same? Idk.    If you don't mind me asking, what is it about the injections that is worrying you most?    I hope today is a little easier and that when you receive the check in call it reminds you of how much we all care about you and really just want to help. I'm crossing my fingers and toes that they don't let you down as you have been in the past!!  ... View more

I don't really know what I want to write and I'm sorry in advance if this doesn't make any sense because I'm not really thinking about what I'm writing I just need to talk to someone but I don't know what I need so please don't ask me what my needs are because I'm not in a good way and don't know how to work that out on my own at the moment. There is too much going on. I'm not going to go into it right now because I know it will push me over the edge talking about things that I'm not ready for but so much has started coming up and happening and I don't know how to stay aflot. Anyway it doesn't matter. I will work it out. But what I can't work out is uni. I can't stay on top of things and keep falling behind. I was going to go part time a couple weeks ago but then decided against it because I am stubborn as shit and thought I could do this and now I'm regretting it because I have so much to do and don't even know where to start. I met with my coordinator a few weeks ago when I was asking about part time and she gave me some options to help try to push me through the semester because she could tell how much I wanted to stay full time but now I feel like such a failure and I'm really scared to ask her if we can start putting it in place because I feel like people think I am making it up and trying to take the easy road out. I just hate myself so much and wish I could do this!!!! I don't know what to do. I am also doing my research honours at the same time but haven't been able to look at it. I really am trying, so fucking hard. Like I'm at uni 24/7 and have had a few 3am nights here but I feel like I'm getting no where. My housemates keep teasing me that I'm a nerd and live at the library with my book friends and it just makes me hate myself more because I wish I didn't have to spend so much time here but I don't know what else to do. I feel like it takes me at least 3 times as long as the normal person to get anything done. Like it literally takes me 4hrs to watch a 1hr lecture!!! I just feel like I'm drowning and don't know what to do. I keep going from trying to be proactive because I want to pass and do well for my lecturers but then I just completely lose interest and have no motivation and just don't care. But then I do care because I'm also a perfectionist and hate getting anything less than a HD. But I just can't get myself to care anymore but am going to regret it when I get my grades back. Sorry I'm ranting now. I just don't know what to do. My research is what's stressing me out the most. Every time I look at it I almost end up in tears because I really want to do it and I know deep down I can do it but there is just too much going on in my head that I can't keep up. I can't understand anything and I can't remember anything from my meetings with my supervisor and when I do meet with him he keeps changing things on me which is confusing me more and he talks super super fast that I can't keep up with what he is saying and I just feel like I can't do this anymore. I want to try and tell him to slow down and to not keep changing my study on me because apparently it's meant to be me leading it but I don't know how to because he is so full on and also male and I don't do well with that so I just do as I'm told but what he is telling me is getting so confusing. I'm scared to question him because I don't want to get in trouble and I know if I tell him I'm struggling and haven't made much progress he is probably going to think I'm not capable which I don't want. I already missed out on the topic I wanted because they didn't think I'd cope with it and that was disheartening enough so I don't want to give him any reason to believe I can't do this. But at the same time I also feel like saying fuck it to everything and dropping out completely because I'm so done. I just want to get on the road and never come back. I don't even know if I am capable of being a health professional anymore so don't really know why I'm bothering to push myself. I don't know what I want. I just want everything to stop!!!  ... View more

Aww @Lost_Space_Explorer5, my little mini me. You break my heart sometimes. I wish you were different to me and not cursed with the bs mind we have been 😂   Why do you think you said you were okay when you weren't today? Like is there maybe something you really wanted to talk about but didn't know how? Or something you didn't want to talk about and were scared she might bring it up or work it out? I often find if I'm really not okay I will try and hide it so hard while also secretly hoping my psych can read my mind and bring it up but then also hoping she doesn't because eww yuck, that's emotions and I don't do well with emotions and being vulnerable. That shit is SCARY! But then if she doesn't notice or bring it up then I get really angry at myself later because I didn't tell her and she didn't notice which means she mustn't care about me and then I cry and hate myself and convince myself she wants me to die and that I should die and then well let's not go there. I'm just trying to show you're not alone and I really hope you're okay because I understand how yuck it is to be in that place.    Was there a reason it was a shorter session? Cause I know that can often make it worse for me and am wondering if it's possibly the same for you? You know, seems we virtually share the same brain!    Also, just wondering, but are you seeing a psych face-to-face at all atm? Or is it just your counsellor on KHL? You don't have to share obviously, but I'm just wondering what supports you have in place atm? Cause I know a bit was changing and am wondering if a face-to-face session might make it a little harder to hide it all and pretend?    I want to let you know that I sure as heck do NOT want you dead. I would NEVER want that. EVER. So don't listen to that bullshit thought!! We all absolutely adore you on here @Lost_Space_Explorer5. You have the biggest heart and greatest dark humour I know and you're my baby sloth and no one wants a dead baby sloth. And if they do, they have serious issues and need serious help, asap! And now I'm rambling because I'm tired as heck. Sorry. Point is. We all think so much of you on here so you tell that thought (what was the name for them again? I can't remember.. for some reason I have Daryl in my head but I know that is totally not what it was 😂.. but also cool with calling him Daryl the Dumbass if you are? Lol) that he is wrong and you have no time for his nonsense tonight!!    I really hope you're okay @Lost_Space_Explorer5. And I hope you're asleep atm cause this is a silly time to be awake. But I hope you were able to be kind to yourself tonight, and that tomorrow you can do something nice for yourself to remind yourself of your worth! I'm happy to brainstorm some ideas with you tomorrow if you like. Just know that you ARE worthy and we all really really reallllyyyyy care about you here!!! Like A LOT. Okay I will shut up now. Sorry for the rant. I just hate you're having such shitty thoughts. Are you feeling safe? Please be kind to yourself 💙 ... View more

Yeah that's understandable @Eden1717. It's totally okay that you don't know either. There's a lot going on for you so I'm sure it's not easy to think straight atm.    Those voices sound scary and like they aren't saying very nice things.. is there something you can do to quieten them? Or maybe try talking back to them and telling them no?    It sounds like things are getting pretty intense and becoming extremely difficult for you. I know you don't want to take the meds but do you think maybe you could try again? I'm just concerned about you because I'm starting to notice things that I usually notice right before you end up in hospital and I really don't want to see that happen again, as I'm sure you don't want to end up back there. I'm not trying to scare you or anything, I'm just concerned and think that at this point maybe taking the meds is a good idea? I do understand how hard it is for you to take them though, and I respect it's entirely your decision but just from an outsiders perspective I do think it might help as I do notice quite a difference when you do. Just consider it okay. For your safety, because I am worried about you.    That being said, are you feeling safe tonight?  ... View more

Ah really? I would have thought they'd have them in every state cause it seems to be a government funded thing by the looks of it! So that totally sucks @Eden1717. If they did have such a service would it be something you'd consider?  ... View more

I don't really know my thoughts on anything right now sorry guys. I'm not doing too well. Today was difficult and then I also found out some stuff tonight which triggered me and I'm just trying not to self harm atm. I will reply to everyone when I'm more myself cause talking about me atm is not a good or safe idea. ... View more

I'm sorry to hear about the pain @Eden1717, that sounds awful. Are there any medications that can help relieve it a little? I know you don't think fondly of meds, but I know for me I'm more likely to take a med for something physical than mental. Idk, I'm wondering if maybe you're the same? Like do anti-inflammatories or anything help at all?    I'm really hearing how difficult things are for you right now and it sucks and I really wish there was something I could do to help! Please don't get upset with what I'm about to say, well you can if you want but what I'm trying to say is that what I'm about to say is with absolutely ZERO judgement and I'm only asking/suggesting it because I truly do care about you and it makes me upset to hear how much you're struggling when I can't physically do anything to help.. I promise there is no intention behind what I'm saying and I really do hope it doesn't make things worse for you and if it does, please let me know so I don't suggest things like it again okay? I just want to see you feel in control again and gain some of your life back..    Anyway, I was just wondering if you've ever heard of community care units within the hospitals? They are like residential settings where people can supervise and support you with regaining independence? Like they can help out with tasks such as staying well e.g. monitoring eating and medication intake, life skills e.g. cooking and cleaning, community access, returning to work and social commitments or uni etc. I'm really sorry if this seems like such a full on recommendation but it's just something I have recently come across myself and was wondering if maybe it could be something you might benefit from and potentially find helpful? Like, you live in your own unit but there are supports around. I was just thinking about it because I can hear how much you are finding the daily tasks a challenge and am wondering if they might be able to help? I think you need a referral, but if you haven't already, maybe it's something you could look at? Is potentially residing in one for a little to ensure you have support around you to complete daily tasks? I understand your views on the hospital scenes but am just wondering if this might be a bit different? Idk. I really don't mean anything bad by it, it's just something I've been looking into and all the things you're mentioning that you find so difficult are things they can help with. If you already know about them and what not then just ignore this. But I just thought I'd share the information in case you didn't. I don't want to bombard you because I know this may be hard to read but I do have a link I can attach about it if you feel it might help at all. It explains it a lot better than me. Idk. It's just a thought and obviously I am no mental health professional so please take it with a grain of salt. Like I said, I just wanted to share it. I hate hearing how difficult things are for you and just wish I could help somehow and wondering if maybe a service like this could? Idk.  ... View more

Sorry @Eden1717. I didn't mean to upset you, I was just hoping that it might help in some way to share a strategy I've been trying to use myself. But like I said, I totally get how complex body image and issues are. It's not a fun time. For anyone or any body type. It's such a bull shit topic and one I wish did not exist. I'm not going to keep talking about it as I can tell It's been quite triggering for you both to discuss and I really don't want to upset anyone. But I do wonder if you've ever contacted the butterfly foundation before? Or accessed support for it? You don't have to share, but like @Lost_Space_Explorer5 mentioned, I do hope you are able to find the right support one day. We're always here if you do find yourself wanting to talk about it, but I completely respect and acknowledge this may not be the right space for you. It sounds like there are a lot of terrible thoughts and experiences associated with your body image and I truly am sorry you feel the way you do because you deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin and to feel accepted in society just as anyone else does. I hope today you're able to do something kind for yourself. I can imagine it's not easy right now considering everything, but I do hope you're able to catch a break at some stage.    Are you watching anything cool on Netflix atm? What sort of movies do you like?  ... View more

Thanks @Janine-RO, I LOVE the GIF! You just reminded me I need to check on my plants actually, I took them all outside for a water a couple days ago and forgot to bring them all back in 🤦‍♀️ I have like 10 in my room now and got a couple for around the house lol    Thanks @MaryRO. I think my urge to hug has well and truly gone lol Idk what was going on. I'm back to being my shut off self though so it's all good, I feel more myself now! It is kinda weird though cause I went from wanting to be with my housemates and scared to be away from them to now getting so angry at them so easily when they've haven't even done anything and I can't work out why. Like my blood just boils and I have really bad thoughts. Yesterday was hard. I couldn't control my anger or work out where it was even coming from. I know I never would, or at least I hope to God I never would, but I just wanted to hurt them and scream and yell. But then a few hours later I went back to wanting to spend time with them. It was so weird. They don't know I was like that cause I went and hid in my room and I'd never let it show. But yeah. Idk what was going on. It's been happening a bit lately. I feel like I'm going insane. One moment I'm okay and the next I'm really not. Like yesterday I really wanted to self harm but I couldn't because my housemates were here and then I just got more angry and worked up because I couldn't do it and then I did something else for the first time ever that I guess in one way would be considered 'normal' if it wasn't under the circumstances but it made me feel so disgusting and I don't even know why the hell I did it because it's not me at all and it usually just grosses me out. I don't know what is going on with me. I just feel like I'm losing it and don't know how to gain control. They want me back on meds but I really don't want to go down that path again but then I wonder if maybe I should. I don't know. I just wish it would all stop.    I agree @Eden1717. I don't find the rubber bands or ice to help. I can't usually feel the ice cause I'm just so numb I don't even notice the burning sensation lol Occasionally I use the rubber bands if I'm at uni and getting really worked up or starting to disassociate, I'll go into the bathrooms and do it for a while but it very rarely works. Idk. I'm just trying really hard to stay busy and to spend all my time at uni cause that's often where I feel safest for some reason.  ... View more

@Lost_Space_Explorer5 you are incredible. Just feel like I need to remind you of that.    How are you feeling today @Eden1717 ?    **TW** I think what @Lost_Space_Explorer5 said about the body image is so true! I've struggled with it since I was a young girl. I hate the way I look and can barely look at myself in the mirror. But I'm sure you get it. What I wanted to say was that since doing anatomy and physiology at uni I've come to realise just how incredible the human body actually is!! This being said, it hasn't changed the way I see myself but it has helped me to try and remind myself of how lucky I am to have a body that functions. Idk. I was listening to this podcast where a psychologist and psychotherapist talk all things mental health, they're awesome, and they did an episode on body image. Anyway, one of their strategies they suggested (and you may have heard it, idk) is that when you are looking in the mirror, instead of saying 'I hate my arms they are so fat' to try and say things like 'cool, I have arms' and then gradually making your way to things like 'I have arms and they help me to do things' etc. Idk if this helps at all cause I understand how complex body issues are, trust me. But it's something I have been trying really hard to do myself. It definitely doesn't work every time, but sometimes I manage to shift how I see myself and although it hasn't quite made me feel amazing yet, it does help relieve some of the self loathing and leaves me feeling more appreciative for what I do have and how incredible bodies are whether they are fat, skinny, tall, short, black, white, yellow or purple! Idk. I just wanted to share that little strategy with you both because I'd never heard of it until a couple weeks ago and it's something I wish I'd been taught sooner. Like I said, it doesn't always work, and it's pretty hard to do sometimes but I encourage you both to give it a go next time you're hating on your body or a certain part of your body. Because you're both beautiful people and I have absolutely no doubts that it radiates to the outside too 💙  ... View more

That sounds super frustrating @Eden1717. It sounds like you know and agree deep down that you should be taking them but thoughts and fears are getting in the way? I know it's a bit of a long shot but any chance you still have that poster of reminders of why you should take them? Maybe trying to reflect on the good side of it all might help? Idk. Sorry.  ... View more

I also agree with @Andrea-RO in the way that you do seem different when you take them and that things don't seem as intense for you, so there are definitely pros to taking them. But I also understand you are really struggling and idk, maybe letting yourself calm down a little tonight and not stress over it might help you to re-evaluate tomorrow? Idk. I do think you should take them, so not saying don't, but it's also completely your call and it is okay if you aren't up to it today. I just think that forcing yourself isn't going to help. So you either need to make the call and take them or put it away for tonight and focus on something else that may help to keep you calm and stable? Does that kind of make sense?  ... View more

I can hear how much you're trying @Eden1717. you're so bloody strong! Would it help to just put them away for tonight and not look at them or think about them? Or at least try not to think about them? And maybe do something nice for yourself tonight instead?  ... View more

That sounds pretty intense @Eden1717. Have you managed to take them yet? I can totally understand why you'd be having nightmares about it. I think being on a treatment order and the potential 'consequence' being injections would freak anyone out, so try to be kind to yourself. That's some heavy and scary stuff.   You mentioned you don't know who your case manager is or how to contact anyone.. could you maybe try calling the hospital you were at and ask them for the contact details of who you saw, or leave a message asking for them to get in contact with you if they cannot hand out their information? Idk. Could be worth a try? It just sounds like you are in need of support at the moment and I think maybe letting your treating team know what's going on for you might help. I'm sure they don't want to see you end up on injections or back in hospital so would be wanting to know how you're travelling and that they may need to re-evaluate. Just remember that if they don't know what's going on for you, they can't help. I understand trying to chase health professionals can also be exhausting and stressful in itself, so if you feel comfortable, what about asking your mum or someone to call on your behalf? Idk. Sorry I'm not much help.  ... View more

Great topic @MaryRO ! I LOVE travelling!! 😍   This is soooo hard to narrow it down to 3..    1. Iceland - the scenery looks spectacular!!  2. Canada - to visit my best friends, they've been here but I'm yet to visit them there (stupid covid!!!)  3. Africa - dying to do a safari and see wild animals in their natural habitat!!    @Lost_Space_Explorer5 @Eden1717 what about you guys? Would be keen to hear where you'd like to travel. Only if you're up for it 💙 ... View more

Oooh @Hannah-RO they are both super cute!!! I've never heard of a stoat before though? What on earth are they? Take it they aren't Australian?    Hmm.. milk is more indulgent but I'm growing a liking to dark chocolate atm cause it's meant to be better for you and doesn't seem to make me break out as much.. but hey, can't beat milk chocolate!    Hmm.. Australian east coast or west coast? (To roadtrip) ... View more

Communication  ... View more

I'm sorry to hear your safe place is gone @Eden1717, that alone is super distressing!! I know this probably doesn't help right now, but do remind yourself that we are here to listen and help where we can.. maybe you could try and use us as a safe place until you sort out a new one or a way to get your old one back? Is there anything you feel like talking about or anything we can help with right now?  ... View more

Don't be sorry for a second @Lost_Space_Explorer5. i would much rather you focus on yourself and remaining safe and doing what you need to do to get through the days ❤ I'm relieved to hear you're feeling okay, and that you are safe. That was just my main concern. I can totally relate to the email regret lol If it helps at all, I am literally in the same sort of position atm. Sent a very similar email to my psych at the beginning of the week and now that my emotions have calmed down a little about it all I'm realising maybe it was a stupid idea to send. But whatever. Sometimes we do dumb shit and I kinda love that you do it too cause it kinda makes me feel a little more human? Or are we just sad messed up non-human beings? Lol Idk. I just love how alike we are and that whenever you post something I'm literally like HOLEY SHIT. SHE GETS ME. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DO.    I completely understand feeling wobbly still. Please be kind to yourself though because you deserve it! Have you got anything much planned for the weekend? I'm sending you strength and sloth cuddles ❤ Actually I saw this sloth video pop up on my FB feed yesterday and I instantly thought of you!! Went to tag you and all and then realised I obviously can't and then got a little sad cause I realised one of the people I see as a close friend is literally someone through a screen I'm never going to get to meet and then I got sad cause I have to leave soon and then I was just a ball of sadness. Lol. Life is wonderful. *cue the sarcasm* ... View more

Sorry my messages are so long tonight. I just feel like I really need to talk to someone.  ... View more

Thanks for checking in @Eden1717. I'm not great, but I'm getting there. I just don't feel safe in myself for some reason and for some reason I just want to go and see my psych and hug her. But I'm also not on board with it anymore and have stopped therapy for a while. Idk what's going on. I also got really dissociated this morning in class and had to take a break because my self harm thoughts were getting so intense I was scared people would notice. My lecturer kept looking at me as if she knew what I was thinking which freaked me out. And I also wanted to hug her randomly? Then my other lecturer who I spoke with last week and has put supports in place for me emailed randomly to check in and wish me a happy Easter and told me to call her if I need anything. So then I got teary. I wanted to cry but my body is numb so doesn't really allow that kind of emotion very often. Not really sure what's going on. I just don't feel safe and am really scared to be left alone which has been happening for a while now. And for some reason whenever one of my housemates is home I keep wanting to give her a hug and just cry. Idk why but I so badly want to hug her but feel like it would be weird. She's a hugger but also super caring and I don't usually hug so I know she'll hit me with a million questions. I just keep getting really anxious and scared when she isn't home cause I don't feel safe without her here. Same with her partner but I don't get as worried about him. Idk. I've kept them at a distance cause I don't want to get attached but for some reason I just freak out when she isn't home and then when she is I have to hold back the hugs. I think she accidently saw that I have self harmed too cause she's been overly caring and protective and keeps mentioning how strong I am which has come out of nowhere and she was pretty against leaving me home on my own this weekend. Idk. I think she just makes me feel safe maybe? Cause I'm not sure what else it is but it's weird. Part of me just wants to tell her everything cause I feel like she's been probing me and if she did see that I have self harmed I really don't want her to worry. She wasn't meant to see them but there was this night I forgot about them and since then she's been like this. I won't tell her anything though because I will probably scare her and then she won't want me living here anymore and I finally feel like I have a home so I don't want to ruin it. I just feel weird though. I'm scared to be on my own and don't know where this urge to hug people is coming from?!?! Any suggestions? Cause I'm at a loss. ... View more

Hearing you loud and clear with the uni @Lost_Space_Explorer5 and I reckon @Eden1717 can relate too! I swear people who manage to keep up or ahead are just not human.    I'm a little worried about your email you sent.. have you heard back from her yet? You don't have any plans do you? And you're right, it's not funny because what your feeling is valid and you shouldn't have to laugh it off but I can relate to the dark humour so also see why you might be laughing. I hope you're okay @Lost_Space_Explorer5. Can you just let us know if you're safe when you have a chance cause mumma sloth is a bit concerned. Do you know what might have bought on this mood?  ... View more

That sounds like a really tough situation to be in @Eden1717. Uni kind of SUCKS when you should be focusing on yourself and recovery hey? They don't make it easy. I almost feel like they just throw shit at us to see who breaks first. Idk. Have you spoken much with your uni regarding what's been going on for you? I'm sure you probably have and that you're probably registered with the right supports etc. But even if you are, it might be worth checking in with them to let them know where you're at? I know there's only so much they can do until you only really have the option to not pass and lose out with fees, but it could be worth chatting to them? I recently had to chat to one of my lecturers because I went downhill pretty bad and am also way behind because of it. I didn't think they'd be able to help but honestly, I was quite surprised at how much support she gave me. I know not all lecturers and unis are the same, but it's definitely worth chatting to them. I wasn't going to but am so glad I did because we've managed to come up with a plan to try and get me by so I don't fail and luck out with the fees. Idk, it's not going to fix it, but they may be able to put something in place to make it a little more achievable? For example, I now have the option to push back all my assessments and exams which has allowed me some breathing space to try and get myself together again. It's still hard as shit and I'm still way behind, but I'm trying to just break it all down into small tasks. And by small I mean minute lol Just don't be afraid to ask for the help cause loading yourself up with extra pressure right now is probably not wise. I know it wasn't for me anyway. Also, I am SUPER PROUD of you for recognising you weren't up for it and not going to class. You put yourself first and that is exactly what you should be doing right now, so I hope you're proud too!    Also, with how you're feeling at the moment, can you maybe check in with your doctor you saw at the hospital? It could be worth letting them know how you're feeling and what you're experiencing at the moment?    Sorry this is so long 🙃 ... View more

How are you going @Lost_Space_Explorer5? Did you end up catching up on your uni stuff?  ... View more

How did you go today @Eden1717? Did you end up going to class? If so, I hope it went okay for you.  ... View more

That does sound like a lot. And that must be hard about the alarms, I can see how it would be easy to miss medications without reminders. I'm trying to think of other ways that might help.. have you ever tried leaving yourself little notes around the house? Idk. My creativity isn't quite there tonight sorry.   I hope the confusion doesn't cause you too much grief tonight, but do remind yourself to be gentle because like we both know, medications can take a bit of adjusting too. Your brain and body are probably going through a few changes at the moment and trying to adjust. I hope it gets easier soon!    I'm with you, maybe don't listen to that song again.. it sounds like it was a bit scary so avoiding it might be best. I think especially while you're trying to transition back into every day life from hospital, you don't need anything triggering you.    Do you have to go to class tomorrow? Cause I think it's important you don't push yourself and rush into things. I think the most important thing right now is to accept your limits and where you're at and not over do it. I'm not saying you can't, and only you know your limits, but if you feel like you're pushing yourself to go then maybe it isn't wise and staying home to work on things at your own pace might be best? Idk. Just don't feel like you have to be there. You could spend the day getting your medical certificate sorted and maybe working through some of the stuff you've missed while away?    Have you got something easy at home you could whip up for dinner?  ... View more

That sounds pretty tough @Eden1717 and I'm sure the broken sleep wouldn't be helping the situation either. Is there something you can use to set reminders about the meds so you don't forget and are taking them more regularly?  ... View more

Thanks @Eden1717  ... View more

Thanks @Bre-RO. I'm doing okay. She said she isn't going to cancel my appointment yet in case I change my mind and decide I need it still which I'm slightly relieved about but also annoyed about because I feel like she is trying to make me go when I don't want to. So I'm just going to cancel it with the office guy when he is back at work instead so she can't make me feel bad and like I should be going.    I'm sick of needing help and want to go back to doing this on my own cause I was so much stronger then. I just had a meeting about my placements and even she seemed to think I won't be able to do certain placements because of my stupid accessability adjustments so I'm just annoyed because I feel like no one believes in me. This is why I don't tell people shit because they just assume I can't cope and try to give me the easy way out and I hate that. I'm not going back to my supports anymore. When people didn't know they treated me normal and pushed me, whereas now I just feel like a child that can't cope with anything. I need to get back to coping on my own and being strong again and the only way to do that is to stop telling people how I feel and what's going on and to just deal with it myself in my own way. ... View more