Talking about disordered eating to my supports
Long story short...
I badly lost my appetite last Friday and have since engaged in some eating disorder self harm behaviour. I have already expressed this to my case manager and KHL. BUT... I feel it's out of control and I feel like a skeleton (I don't actually look like one). My energy levels are pretty low and I think I'm getting side effects of my body not functioning properly (won't give details in case I trigger anyone).
I would like some help about how to approach this with my supports in way that expresses that I believe this is a problem that is not going to just resolve itself.
Did you want to make a new thread to talk about what's happening right now
well I've already expressed things in another thread @redhead and I got told to post what I wanted to ask privately on here so I'm a little put off and confused. Also what's bothering me is against guidelines. The thoughts about doing something related to disordered eating are pretty strong. And I just generally don't feel welcome on RO by the RO staff anymore and I can't say what they did because I'd get bullied for it. I almost wish I was admitted to hospital last week which is stupid
Hey @loves netball I see the conversation you had with Ben hasn't finished yet so I understand why you'd be frustrated about it all. It's tough to really get our point across via writing isn't it? It seems like it's best to leave that topic for when Ben is back tomorrow.
Let's focus on your wellbeing tonight and see what you can do to help manage the distressing thoughts. What normally helps when you feel this way?
-Lina/RO
P.S. You are very much welcome here and a part of the RO community!
@TOM-RO (Lina), if I still feel this bad tomorrow morning; I'm calling my case manager. I don't feel very welcome because of Ben-RO and Ngaio-RO and I think they both know that.
I kind of feel different today. Last year I used to go to uni and spend all my time there. Today it caused me great distress and I want to chuck in the towel badly. And then there's all these thoughts about food and that I'm not running enough. And I'm not eating the right food in general because I think all food but chocolate is gross. But of course marathon runners or people who play sport don't live off chocolate. I know it's getting dark but I'm going for a walk. If it doesn't help I'm not sure what's next
@loves netball that's a good idea!! hopefully the walk will clear up the feelings. Please contact one of your supports like Kids Helpline if it's not helping hey?
I went and shot goals @TOM-RO (Lina) and now the first thing I read has badly upset me !!
Oh and I'm not allowed contact with kids helpline till tomorrow. I have set days with them
@loves netball I know it's super hard but try not to focus on other posts...you're feeling emotional already so naturally they will upset you. Who else can you call to talk to? or What can you do to keep yourself distracted?
@TOM-RO (Lina), I think I need another weeks worth of punishment. Except the last punishment didn't work; it's actually made the negative feelings associated with RO 10 times worse. And I now have more eating issues that I didn't have before the punishment. I can't call anyone whilst my house mates are awake (they'll hear me). Bullying really should have made me toughen up a bit more, but it's done the opposite; I'm way more sensitive then I was and it keeps happening. I swear the severity of parts of my mental illness have increased. I want to erase the memories of the last month from my mind. I know that is not possible, so I want to know how I can accept what happened without being sensitive to it. It feels like bullying that happened two years ago and that to this day still triggers extremely dark thoughts for me. I want to be okay!
@loves netball Hearing you say you want to be ok is really positive! I'm going to email you regarding the post 🙂 🙂
Yay for colouring in @loves netball 
I hope you get a good sleep tonight. Hugs.
well I tried what I wanted to do and didn't work. I'm not doing great at soothing myself tonight 😞 I want to talk to someone but I'm not sure who
Could you go to your gp and ask for a dietitian who could really help with getting control back over eating rather than eating control you.
I'm not sure @redhead. My GP is at a new place and I'm seeing her again, but she doesn't have my records anymore. My case manager did want my weight monitored last year, but it never happened and I probably won't let it. I have a fear of putting on weight 😞
My case manager did talk about seeing a dietitian last year too, nothing ever came out of it. I've been told that I should know enough about eating properly from uni and I do know a bit. But the problem is that I don't want to make myself meals because I don't eat them. I have very little appetite and feel sick a lot and then I try to do things to stop feeling sick and it makes it worse 😞
I haven't eaten much today and I feel really sick and bad headache. Not eating is probably the reason after today's exercise but I don't feel like food. I'm trying to work out what food I want and I can't seem to work it out. Appetite please come back.
great thread to get some help and advice around this @loves netball
Just to clarify, are you asking about how to bring this up with your professional supports in future appointments/sessions?
Yep @Sally-RO.
It's been pretty bad. I haven't eaten dinner for almost every night since last Friday. Like I know what cause this, but now the pattern has started I don't think I can stop. I used have disordered eating habits when I was like 15-16
mmm I know you are going to be off the forums for the night soon, but what you have brought up would be great to be explored with your counsellor/case manager. Sorry to rush you off already @loves netball but please check in with us tomorrow
I just generally don't know how to approach the situation. I know it's a problem. I can't play sport and run and not eat very much at all. The body is not designed for that. But at the same time I think food is gross; I've been told I've lost more weight. And previously my case manager didn't want to talk about my eating habits, so how do I tell her I think it's quite a problem? Sorry I can't say how bad the problem is, but it's been getting worse 😞 I don't want to get anyworse
