Reply
Super frequent scribe
Posts: 52
Registered: ‎07-03-2015

What the hell do I do?

I have been seeing this guy for a while, we're not dating though. I am don't have a social life at all, he's fulfilling all my fantasies but I don't like him seeing me depressed but I've been so depressed lately and I don't want him to see me like this. I just feel like such a failure I just want to know places I can meet people to hang out with, like is there an app I can use?

I've tried a few but I've still had no social life for 5 years, I'm still 17. Like strangers always think I'm such a nice person but no one ever hangs out with me. I really want to date but I don't want to date unless I have a social life. I'm not sure with my current situation anyone would really want to associate with me either. I'm disgusting, but I don't want to be keeping a massive secret my whole life. He knows my secret but I don't tell many people.

I was also woundering if I should talk to a therapist but I feel they'd tell me stuff I already know and I don't want all this on my medical records. They'd probably asses me as emotionally unstable. Like I know I should have seen someone earlier but I feel uncomfortable at headspace. I feel uncomfortable talking to a female about my issues, but I don't want to talk to a guy either. I find most counselors to be intimidating and I don't open up. I need the "I care about you're issues and won't stare at you the whole time" approach.

I know I can't fake it for much longer and I need to see a therapist but I just don't know how to open up about it when it always feels like an interrogation. I can't do it but I need to
Mod Squad
Posts: 613
Registered: ‎14-05-2016

Re: What the hell do I do?

Hi @Hicks, you seem really aware of what's going on with you and what it is that you need. It sounds like the real issue is about meeting new people and having a social life beyond dating (for now). That's wise of you to say that you don't want to date unless you have a social life. If we're just focused on one person, especially in a romantic setting, it can become really intense and often unhealthy which can lead the the relationship not working out well. 

 

I don't know of any friendship apps but there's www.meetup.com where you can go and join groups of interest. If there's something you are interested in doing, you can find a group for that near you and go to one of the meetings. One of the best ways to make new friends is to do things you genuinely enjoy. When you're busy doing enjoyable activities, it's easier (and more natural) to meet new people and befriend them. 

 

I'm not sure what the massive secret is that you're referring to and you don't have to talk about it here. But it does sound like you should try and find a therapist to confide in. Usually it takes a few tries before finding a therapist that you'll feel comfortable with but don't give up and keep looking. Who knows, you may even find one pretty soon. The good thing about a professional therapist is that they won't judge you and give you labels to make you feel even worse. A good therapist will listen to you and validate you within healthy boundaries. Of course it's intimidating to open up to a stranger but you can make the choice to trust the therapeutic process. It's not easy but it's very much possible to slowly open up. You can even write a journal at home and then take it with you to your session and see what you want to talk about. 

Mod
Posts: 917
Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: What the hell do I do?

Hey @Hicks sounds like you are feeling a bit lost at the moment and are really wanting to reach out to people. Meeting people and making friends can be really difficult. Does the guy you are seeing have any friends that you think you would get along with? It's understandable that you want to have some friends before getting involved with someone. You said strangers always say you are a nice person which is awesome! Smiley Happy Where abouts do you typically meet these people?

It's awesome that you are thinking about getting some help from a professional - have you seen a therapist before?
Super frequent scribe
Posts: 52
Registered: ‎07-03-2015

Re: What the hell do I do?

I have seen a therapist before but they always make me feel really uncomfortable. I have tried meet up but I'm a bit nervous about meeting new people. As I said earlier he is not my bf, he is my Fwb and I don't really want to impede on his life too much. He is a fair bit older than me, he's 22 I'm 17 I don't want it to look like he brought his sister along. And well he knows I lied about my age, I felt guilty and told him my real age. At the moment I am not ready to date but I'd like to be able to date.
Highlighted
Mod Squad
Posts: 1,807
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: What the hell do I do?

Gday @Hicks what about something with a slightly slower approach (I can understand meetup seeming a little daunting).. What about some volunteer work, that way you're all kind of new and engaged in an activity. What sort of stuff are you interested in?

Do you need support?

ReachOut NextStep is a tool that can help you find the best support for you.

Open tool in sidebar
Top High Fived Authors