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Re: INFOBUS: Keeping it safe in summer

"The absence of no does not mean yes" - do you agree?

 


Agreed! It's so hard for people who are shy to give a firm 'NO' to something. Especially in these sorts of situations - it's up to the partner to make sure that this is something that they actually want, and that they're not feeling unsure or scared about it. 

Re: INFOBUS: Keeping it safe in summer

 

Sometimes, someone will say yes, they want to participate. But they might not mean it. They might tell you no with their body language and other non-verbals.


Does anyone have examples of body language that says no?

Re: INFOBUS: Keeping it safe in summer

"The absence of no does not mean yes" - do you agree?

 

Absolutely agree with this. People know if they are taking advantage of someone and if the other person/people are not entirely comfortable than consent has not been given!

Re: INFOBUS: Keeping it safe in summer



"The absence of no does not mean yes" - do you agree?

 


I totally agree. On the topic of consent, I would argue that's it the lack of good education on the ins and outs and laws of consent that lead people to feeling like have no power to say no in the bedroom and aren't able to say no to something they might not want to do. If people aren't informed about the power they have to clearly state "yes" or "no" then how easy is it going to be for them to say that to someone if they don't realise they actually have the law behind them to back them up? Educating people on these topics leads to a hugely increased sense of empowerment and autonomy in the bedroom and contributes to people's confidence to say no when the other person thinks their silence means yes.

Re: INFOBUS: Keeping it safe in summer

Sometimes, someone will say yes, they want to participate. But they might not mean it. They might tell you no with their body language and other non-verbals.

 

Any body language which implies that the person is uncomfortable, nervous or scared about it. Obviously there are going to be nerves, especially if it's a first time - but this needs to be discussed properly beforehand, so as to be sure that it's not due to the person being unwilling to do the act. If the person seems uncomfortable or scared, on the other hand, this is a pretty good indication that they aren't happy to be doing it.

Re: INFOBUS: Keeping it safe in summer


Magga wrote: Obviously there are going to be nerves, especially if it's a first time - but this needs to be discussed properly beforehand

Couldn't agree more Magga!

@deepbreath - thanks!

@deepbreath - thanks!

Re: INFOBUS: Keeping it safe in summer

@Magga: That's really true. It's a bit of a tough one though.. on the other hand some people may be willing to get involved and are consenting to have sex, or whatever the act may be, but they are just nervous for whatever reason. Maybe they are still new to being intimate with other people, maybe they just REALLY like the other person and don't want to do anything wrong (that's a whole other topic in itself...). I think that's why communication is SUCH an important part of relationships, whatever sort of relationship that may be. People really need to be open and honest to each other about what they do and don't want to do, what they are and aren't comfortable with, and simply whether they actually want to be with that person at that point in time. Talk to each other people!

Re: INFOBUS: Keeping it safe in summer

Jeremy - I agree that education helps a LOT and knowing where you stand legally is helpful - but there are still a lot of people who are too shy or are worried about upsetting the other person (whether they care emotionally or are afraid of what will happen to them)

 

Does anyone have examples of body language that says no?

 

A lot of different things can. In these scenarios, something like turning away or even sometimes just not being enthusiastic or participating fully. Someone might resist a move the other person tries to make or not return it. Someone might have very withdrawn body language (fetal position even) or even have a particualrly unhappy expression.

 

Sometimes, people might become violent especially if it got more urgent/serious (although a slap in the face might occur at the very beginning if you're confident enough!) or try to wriggle (or even run) away.. There are endless possibilities.

Re: INFOBUS: Keeping it safe in summer

I think you're spot on Leethal! Gold star for you