Experiencing Loneliness and Seeking Connection
Loneliness is a common feeling that we all experience at some point in our lives. Sometimes it can be a temporary feeling and other times it can be a long term challenge. Whether you’ve just experienced a break up, drifted away from friends, or are struggling to connect with others, loneliness can deeply affect both our hearts and minds, making mental health struggles feel even more overwhelming.
As humans we seek connection and sometimes connecting with others can be really tough. It can be difficult to find a community or group that you feel comfortable in and where your social needs are being reciprocated. Things can feel really lonely with or without a connection. Loneliness is not linear - there is no one size fits all.
However, there can be ways to navigate loneliness! @Bel_RO will be sharing their experiences with seeking connection and how they’ve navigated loneliness.
Comments
I thought I was alone, I'm in Tafe rn and online schooling makes it so hard to build connections and makes friends. I'm happy t hear that you are staring to make more friends and I'm sure you will continue to do so! Thanks for making this post and sharing your story, I feel a little less alone.
Hi everyone! My name is Bel. I’m here to share my mental health journey in the hopes that you can learn something new or feel a little less alone experiencing loneliness and seeking connection.
My journey navigating Loneliness and Connection
My journey began shortly after finishing high school. The friendships that I had began to drift as each person became busy with TAFE, University or full-time work. We all became so focused on what we were doing that we didn’t put any effort into maintaining friendships. Having nobody to talk to and nobody to hang out with, it made me feel really lonely and disconnected.
Exams and study
When I started University I had hope of seeking new connections by making new friends. I did meet a lot of new people but struggled with connecting with any of them. I felt this was mainly because they already had a solid relationship with their own friends outside of Uni, which I didn’t have. Once again, those feelings of loneliness continued as I was focused on studying and I felt like I didn’t have any time to seek new connections outside of uni.
Relationships and friendships
Between the time I finished high school and began uni, I began dating someone. In this relationship I have felt connected and that void of loneliness has somewhat disappeared. However, I have had him as my only friend and he was the only person that I felt connected to. My partner had a few groups of friends, so he would go out with his friends often, and form connections along the way. This was hard as I had no friends and nobody outside of my relationship to connect with. The connections my partner has made are deep, they’re reciprocated and they share a number of interests and hobbies. In contrast, this is where I have struggled with connecting with others as I found myself sharing minimal interests and hobbies with other people in the past, which made conversations hard. I also found that my efforts to create a connection were often not reciprocated by others at the same time. This made the feelings of loneliness really strong, despite being in a loving and supportive relationship. I made sure to communicate this with my partner and reassure him that it’s nothing personal.
Work
During this time, I was also navigating a casual job while studying. This time, I thought for sure I would make friends at work. It was tough at first, but after getting to know a few people I became friends with two girls. They were already best friends though which made me feel like a third wheel most of the time. Part of me was just happy to have friends, someone outside of my family and relationship to talk to and connect with. Over time I have been able to better connect with these girls and have formed a great friendship. We go out together on occasion as we are all busy doing different things in life, but I am so happy to have found a connection with others. Although we share different interests and hobbies, we do have a few life experiences in common and share a joy of food which was the basis of our friendship.
Summary
Overall, the feelings of loneliness are still there from time to time. The way that I manage them is by reaching out to my friends and just having a casual chat with them, catching up on what we’ve been up to. Another thing I like to do is write in my journal and practice gratitude to reinforce how far I have come and all the amazing things in my life that I am grateful for.
I hope hearing my journey can help you feel less alone and know that connections take time but you will form them! If you’re experiencing loneliness and are finding it difficult to form connections, you’re not alone. You can find out more about Loneliness here and check out this amazing discussion on Loneliness here.
Hi @Bel_RO, I'm new here so apologies if I mess up any formatting, just wanted to say I've just finished my first year of uni and have had some difficulties making new friends so this has really resonated with me. It's quite relieving to hear about others' experiences of loneliness and difficulties making new friends, especially when all my other high school friends have ended up making lots of new connections and I'm stuck wondering if it's just me with this problem.
If I was to add a silver lining, I feel like my experience of loneliness has led me to focus more deeply on my existing friendships and put greater focus on solidifying those relationships rather than having many surface-level friends.
Thanks for posting this Bel ❤️
I graduated and finished my HSCs this year, so thank you for the tips and honest insights about social life beyond school. About that third-wheeling situation: I've experienced something similar, except it was my friend and not me who felt like a third wheel because when she joined, she thought of me and my other friend as a pair already. But ngl after she joined us, when she's not there, it feels like something is missing. We have become a trio now, and we've never thought of her as a 'third-wheel'. So if you're feeling like you might be 'third-wheeling' like the odd one out, I'd say there's no need to 🙂. There must be reasons why you get along with those two, and something you bring to the friendship that they treasure and enjoy, even if it is simply your existence 😉.
I guess I'll add my 2 cents about what I learnt about friendships and loneliness in school~
The part about friendships needing effort to maintain is so true! At some point during the last few years of school, I was forgetting to talk to my friends and prioritising study and extra-curricular work. My friends were always starting the convos first and initiating our get-togethers. One of my friends brought this up, and honestly, I was annoyed at first, thinking they were disturbing me from my work.
Anyway, I started actively trying to chat with some friends or go out more to relax after each exam period. And wow.. I didn't realise how lonely and stressed I was making myself. In the second half of Year 12, I developed a strategy of going out to socialise whenever the study got too mind-numbing. This may not be for everyone, but for me, I feel that talking with friends is a necessity, and it really helps me to reset, destress and put life into perspective when things get overwhelming.
When I sit on the couch at home, I have a hard time imagining how comforting it is to see my friends in person, so it was easy to say no to a hangout. It took me a while to realise that talking online doesn't have the same effect. So if you're finding yourself in a similar situation, I'd say putting in the effort to start or restart convos and plan day outs is really worth it, and good friends often reciprocate and keep you in their thoughts as well. It might feel boring or like a waste of time, but for me, I never realised how lonely I was getting, and how much of a different and more resilient person I am once I got the socialising I needed.
Hi @Bel_RO , thankyou so much for sharing this 💗. I'm at a point right now where i'm finding it really hard to form strong and lasting connections, so this made me feel much less alone 🥰.
