cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Main content skiplink
Join an event. Happening today.

Medical Appointments

I’ve been talking with my psychologist about the need for me to see my psychiatrist on my own, without a parent there. There are some things I’m just not going to say with my mum next to me, that my psychiatrist should know. If I talk about it, then I might get taken more seriously and get better treatment.

 

However, my parents are VERY involved with everything. They are great and mean well, but it can be annoying.

It took me until a few months ago to convince them to let me drive myself to my psychologist (it's so great to have some alone time after a heavy hour). So it’s not going to be easy talking to them about seeing my psychiatrist by myself.

 

I’m thinking I could approach this topic as part of me learning to be a more independent adult, me taking charge and control over my healthcare. And of course I will fill you in on medication changes.

 

At the end of the day, I’m 18 now, so I have more confidentiality and rights if I want to make the most of it.

 

I’ve got until January to figure out how to do this (my appointment got pushed back, don’t know why, am very annoyed and slightly nervous about the gap between appointments).

 

Any thoughts?

Akinna
AkinnaPosted 09-12-2022 11:36 PM

Comments (6 pages)

 
GerardGAY
GerardGAYPosted 21-04-2023 02:17 AM

MY DAD TO HAHAHA

 
Dem--RO
Dem--ROPosted 10-12-2022 01:10 PM

Hey @Akinna,

 

I can understand why you would want to attend the sessions on your own, it would be a good opportunity to open up more and be able to talk more freely. I think the way you have phrased it as learning to be more independent and taking charge of your healthcare is really good 💜 If you think your parents might freak-out a bit at this request, would you feel more comfortable saying to them that you wanted to try 1 or 2 sessions on your own to start with?

 

With your appointment being pushed back, did you want to put together a game-plan to get you through until January? Like a list of helplines that work for you, allocating time to journal and self-care, creating a playlist of your favourite music, and you also have the option of booking in some regular one-on-one peer chat sessions, more info available here. Do you think this would help show your parents that you are capable of taking charge of your healthcare, and help support your request to want to do sessions on your own?

 
 
Akinna
AkinnaPosted 10-12-2022 02:47 PM

Hey @Dem--RO 

I like the idea of saying it’s a trial.

 

Don’t really have a set ‘game plan.’ I’d already booked some extra psychologist appointments, weekly instead of fortnightly. Had to convince my mum about that one, and reassure her I was willing to pay for the extra ones 😅 There will be a two week gap over the holiday period, but am currently thinking I want to keep that frequency going through the new year if possible. I need it. But probably going to depend on what happens with the Medicare rebates for the new year.

 

I already have a list of helplines, and countless playlists. I kind of already have a journaling routine, although I’ve never been good at self care. Also never looked into the regular one-on-one peer chat sessions.

 

I’m just kind of sick of talking about my mental health with my parents. They’re good parents, but talking about my mental health is hard work. And these days I have a psychologist I can talk to now. She’s going to be more helpful than my parents, and I’m not going to feel guilty for talking to her or worry about her worrying about me because that is literally her job. I just don’t want to be talking to my parents about any details at the moment.

 

I’m in two minds about this psychiatrist appointment delay. I don’t want to be dealing with medication changes over the new year period because I have family from Queensland coming over, and I don’t want new side effects ruining it.

But at the same time, I’ve just had a big medication change in the last few months, and I know the dosage is too low. So if I saw my psychiatrist, he would probably increase it, and that might help.

But at the same time I can’t be bothered dealing with trying to change appointments because it’s tiring.

 

Lots of fun 🙃

 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 10-12-2022 09:15 PM

Hey @Akinna, It's so lovely hearing from you! 😊

 

It's great to hear that you've had so much support from your parents, but I can definitely understand what you mean when you said that talking about your mental health is hard work. Sometimes you want to be able to speak to your psychologist freely, without having your family know every detail. And I think that is okay too! But I do love the idea of you doing it for your own independence. Do you think it would be helpful to talk through what you might say? 

 

It sounds like you have some really great plans and distractions in place already! Well done 👏 How are you finding Journaling? Do you feel like it has been helpful for you so far?

 

I also want to say that hearing that you were able to recognise when you needed more appointments is huge in itself @Akinna and you should be so proud of yourself for everything you have achieved so far!

 

Changing medication this time of year can be really hard, especially when you've got family visiting. So I can understand why you might be in two minds about it. Just remember that you're not alone and you've got all of us here cheering you on 😊

 
 
 
 
Akinna
AkinnaPosted 11-12-2022 12:32 PM

Thanks @Courtney-RO 

 

Yeah it’s nice to have a bit of privacy, with my parents not knowing every little detail of my mental health. Especially when I’m worried about them judging me. Or worse, then over-reacting and losing trust in me (which has happened in the past and was awful).

I’ve got until January to figure out what to say 😅

 

It’s so great being 18 because now I will actually talk (with great difficulty) with my psychologist about things she probably would have had to tell my parents about before. It’s a new situation and I love it.

 

Journalling has been one of my main coping mechanisms over these last free years. I love it. You get at vent and process what’s happening, without anyone knowing. I find writing a billion times easier than talking, so it’s great. It’s also handy for looking back at to talk to medical professionals.

 

I decided to have some extra psychologist sessions when we realised I had some extra Medicare rebate left over, so I thought I may as well make the most of it. And since I’ve made that decision, stuff has happened that needs to be addressed quickly, so it was a good decision.

 

Unless my psychiatrist is extremely concerned about what’s happened since my last medication change and I last saw him, I’m pretty sure he will just increase the dosage of my new medication, instead of changing it completely. I would rather a dosage increase than a complete change, because I’ve had awful experiences with complete changes. I had two this year.

One of my medications needs regular blood tests to check the levels to prevent toxicity. The appointment delay means it will be 5 months since my latest blood test. That’s the longest gap I’ve ever had, so I’m a little nervous. But my levels have been stable the last two blood tests, and the dosage hasn’t been changed for months. And I’m good at googling symptoms of toxicity 😅

 

I almost always feel worse on holidays. I don’t know if it’s change of routine. Or maybe when we’re travelling. Like in July we flew to Queensland (I live in WA) to visit this part of the family. My bipolar was sooooooo bad the whole holiday. My head felt foggy the whole time and everything was heavy.

I only remember one holiday where that hasn’t happened. Which is a shame. Especially because I try so hard to hide it because I don’t want to affect my family’s holiday that much.

Hopefully this time will be easier because we’re not travelling. Maybe timezone change makes it worse.

I’m pretty sure it will be easier this time. But it sucks that even when you’re on holiday, mental illness never is.

 

Summary of my life right now: I hate medication, I hate psychiatrists, and I hate bipolar 🙃

 
 
 
 
 
Dem--RO
Dem--ROPosted 11-12-2022 01:56 PM

Hey @Akinna,

 

I love that journaling has been such a positive experience for you! 💜 

 

It's also really good to hear that you were able to grab a few extra psychologist sessions, and the fact that you told your mum that you were willing to pay for them, further goes towards the case you are wanting to make about taking more control over your healthcare. Give yourself huge credit, you're doing really, really well! 🤗

 

Looking back at that one holiday where you felt ok, compared to the ones where you didn't, does anything in particular jump out as to why that was? 

 
 
 
 
 
Akinna
AkinnaPosted 13-12-2022 07:59 PM

Thanks @Dem--RO   well I don’t really have much choice than to take control. You kind of just get thrown into situations and you have to figure out how to cope.

 

Absolutely no idea why that one particular holiday was ok.

 

I have my psychologist appointment on Thursday, which means tomorrow I’m sending her a pre-appointment email, which means I have to decide how much I share…

I managed to bring up a heavy topic in my last email for my last appointment… only problem with telling your psychologist about an issue, is then they want to talk about it 😅 It was a big thing for me to share just that much, but to actually address it properly, I have to share more. Which is hard, even in an email. I know what my psychologist is hoping I’ll share with her, but I am yet to decide how much I’ll say..

Yes I am talking about this vaguely on purpose on the forum.

So much fun going to therapy to talk about things you don’t want to talk about 🥲

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 13-12-2022 11:27 PM

Hey @Akinna, How are you feeling about your upcoming psychologist appointment?

I want to start off by saying well done on bringing up such a heavy topic with your psychologist, I know just how difficult that can be. I really want to acknowledge just how brave that is. I also really admire how much strength your showing, just by thinking about these things and working out what you feel comfortable sharing. It can be an incredibly difficult thing to do, especially opening up about such personal things. So I just want to remind you that we're all here to cheer you on 💜

 
 
 
 
 
Akinna
AkinnaPosted 14-12-2022 01:06 AM

Thanks @Courtney-RO 

 

I’m not sure how I feel about the appointment.

 

I start shaking a bit almost every time I think about the appointment/topic- hand/leg/arm(s). Like right now. I’ve been extra restless in general lately, but especially when thinking these topics.

 

My psychologist can’t help me if I don’t give her the information. So it’s kind of about how much information I am able to give her right now. Because it’s hard work.


The way I see it with this topic, there are like three stages of information sharing. Stage one happened last week. I think stage two will be enough for this week, because I don’t think my body can shake much faster than it has been, like right now even
😅

 

I always send her an email the day before the session, which is good because there is no way I would be able to voluntarily say some of the stuff I write there. So that gets us started.

 

See what happens! Worst comes to worst I just freeze and don’t talk anymore, while thinking of the chocolate frappe I’m getting on the way home 😅

 
 
 
 
 
Blake_RO
Blake_ROPosted 14-12-2022 11:26 AM

Hey @Akinna 

Thank you for sharing this with us and keeping us updated. How are you going with writing the email?

 

It’s so great to hear that you have been able to bring up such a heavy topic with your psychologist, I can imagine that it would have been difficult but really shows how strong you are and you should be really proud of yourself for taking that first stage, we all are!

 

It is understandable that talking about such a heavy topic will take time and the analogy that you used whilst talking about it in stages is such a great way is to look at it. Your perspective on these things and approach is so admirable – similar to how you write these emails prior to your sessions, you find ways and solutions to make it better for yourself and more comfortable. Breaking it down into stages seems like such a good way to share as much information as you want and to do so when you feel comfortable, has this make you feel better about talking about this with her?

Remember that if it helps you and makes you more comfortable with sharing this, you can always create another stage.

 

I’m sorry to hear that you have been shaking whilst thinking about the appointment, I can imagine that wouldn’t be a nice feeling. I was wondering whether you’ve had this happen before and whether you’ve spoken to your psychologist or anyone about this?

 

Is there anything nice you can do for yourself before your session tomorrow?

(Also the choccy frappe sounds so yum – now I’m craving one😅)

 

Remember that we are all here for you!

 
 
 
 
 
Akinna
AkinnaPosted 15-12-2022 06:00 PM

Well @Blake_RO I survived another psychologist appointment 😅

 

We talked a bit about that heavy stuff... and by that I mean her asking some questions, me answering with a few words and just going silent and getting extra fidgety.

 

So then we talked about some distress tolerance stuff, which was easier than talking.

 

Unfortunately my psychology sessions are going to be reduced next year because of medicare rebate changes, but we'll figure it out. Hopefully the rules improve soon 😞

 

I now have three empty chocolate frappe cups on my desk from Tuesday's work break, Wednesday's email writing, and today's post-therapy session. I used to work there so depending on who serves me, I either get a discounted or free drink. So I've only actually payed for one of those drinks!

It's a very yummy coping mechanism, and even better when it's free. 😂

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 15-12-2022 09:42 PM

Well done @Akinna! It sounds like it would have been a really hard appointment but I think the fact that you put yourself out there, really shows just how strong you are. While it may not seem like much, answering with even a few words, is still huge and I think you should be really proud of yourself for taking that step. 

 

I'm sorry to hear that your psychology sessions will be reduced next year though, that sounds really horrible. I'm sure something will be figured out soon, but just remember that we're all here for you in the meantime 😊

 

I have never had a chocolate frappe before but they sound delicious! It sounds like they have been a really helpful coping mechanism for you, especially if you can get them discounted or even free. You deserve to be able to treat yourself to something nice after all the stress you've been under 💜

 
 
 
 
 
Akinna
AkinnaPosted 16-12-2022 03:26 PM

Well @Courtney-RO you should try a chocolate frappe because they are yum.

Today I couldn't be bothered warming up left over pasta for breakfast, so I had some museli bars. I was hungry on the way home from work but couldn't be bothered finding food at home, so I got chips from red rooster (also got subway for lunch later because I can't be bothered). Then I needed to do notes from work today, but couldn't be bothered to do that 5min job, so I drove to my favourite cafe, ordered a chocolate frappe, and did most of my notes while I was waiting for it to come 😂 Depression... at least I'm eating something 🥲

 

No matter how many times you go through depression, it still sucks every time. It's annoying how complicated just existing can be.

 

I'm still freezing up so much in therapy which is soooo annoying. I think I trust her, but it's like the rest of my brain won't agree and just blocks all my words.

And yes I am talking about it with my psychologist.

 

Yesterday my psychologist introduced me to self-havening (which to my understanding is a distress tolerance skill) so I'm going to do some research to learn a bit more because I need all the help I can get 🙃

 
 
 
 
 
Blake_RO
Blake_ROPosted 16-12-2022 04:02 PM

Hey @Akinna

Firstly, I am soo jealous that you are getting some chocolate frappes for free or discounted!! Your posts keep making me hungry😂but you're so right, it’s so important that you’re fuelling your body!

It is understandable how you’re feeling about going through depression, I can imagine how annoying it must be for you and I want to remind you of how strong you are - you will get through it again. You’ve come so far and should be really proud of yourself, we all are.

I can imagine how annoying it would be to freeze up, but you have been talking about a heavy topic recently and it can take time and that is okay. Remember that you can always add another stage if it makes you feel more comfortable talking through this.

Do you think anything would make it easier for you or help you with freezing up in the sessions? I know that you send a pre-email and was wondering if it could be helpful to maybe write some things down and take it in with you? Or maybe even asking your psychologist if they have any ideas to help you with freezing up, or if they could send you back some questions/things to think about before your session. Do you think that any of these, or maybe something else could be helpful at trying? In saying that, remember that it is okay to freeze up and talking about tough conversations can take time.

Have you tried any of the self-havening techniques yet or are you still learning about it?

Thanks for keeping us updated, remember that we are all here for you!

 
 
 
 
 
Akinna
AkinnaPosted 16-12-2022 11:35 PM

I'm half Italian so if I've made you hungry @Blake_RO then my mission is accomplished 😂

 

Yeah lol in in my email before my last psychologist appointment I said I really really really really didn't want to talk about this. My psychologist said she got the message 😂🥲

 

I don't know, just this whole living with a mental illness and having to deal with it and talk about it gets a bit annoying. And I forget to be kind to myself, like realising it's ok if I'm freezing up and it's hard, instead of just getting annoyed about it.

 

I've tried the self-havening techniques a little but am still learning. I was super fidgety and restless in therapy on Thursday so my psychologist showed me and it did help me calm down a little then, which is good.

 

My energy levels have definitely dropped this week. I know I've been worse since this last medication change (next see psychiatrist in January). It’s almost that time of month so I’m sure that’s making everything worse. And I can tell I'm masking pretty hard. So it's all a bit tiring at the moment and I definitely feel like I’m back to just trying to kill time until my depression hopefully passes, which is always a frustrating stage to be in. Because it constantly hurts, you can’t escape it, there’s not much you can do about it, and you don’t know when it’s going to start hurting less. You’re literally just trying to kill time, even though you’re not interested in anything and have no energy.

 

But I’m still making it to work which is good for me, because I’m doing something and am thinking about something else. It means I have to get out of bed, get dressed, and do all that stuff to look after yourself. But distraction doesn’t make the problem disappear.

 

Fun times 🙃

 
 
 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 17-12-2022 03:35 PM

Hi @Akinna

 

It is great that you are sending emails to your psychologist before your appointment and trying out new strategies. And also so glad to hear that you found the self havening techniques to be calming. I want to acknowledge how hard it can be to communicate about difficult topics or to try new things (especially when you are exhausted and have tried so much already), so well done!

 

I don't blame you for feeling tired. It is hard to be in that limbo period of trying to kill time and wait for things to be not so crap. I can hear that you really are trying to make things work and totally agreed, distraction doesn't make the problem disappear. I hope it at least gives you even a tiny moment of peace, relaxation or calm.

 

I know we have talked a bit in the past which was a while ago now, and I know I only have a limited snapshot of what things are like for you but I wanted to say that I can see you have made progress attending appointments, speaking up, trying new things and having hope even if things are crap right now 💖

 
 
 
 
 
Akinna
AkinnaPosted 18-12-2022 06:51 PM

Thanks @Taylor-RO 

Thankfully some things have improved, but some things got worse again recently. Today is a bit lighter, which is nice, but also confusing. Because anything other than depression is confusing.

 

 

I’m feeling very frustrated and confused. I’ve always thought of my parents being ‘good parents’ and supportive. But just this last month or so I’ve been realising all these ways they have, and still do, ignore and invalidate my bipolar.

 

My bipolar and I are 100% interconnected. If you don’t know about my bipolar, you don’t know me. But then if you choose to ignore and invalidate my bipolar, then you are also ignoring and invalidating me.

 

I can think of countless examples of my family doing this. So last night I decided to try something. Washing dishes with my Mum and little sister (15yrs old). I complain/state (just one sentence), ‘I know I’ve been worse since this latest med change and it’s awful’ (which is an understatement). Their response? Silence. No ‘what do you mean,’ or even ‘I’m sorry to hear that.’ Just silence. Which proves one of my latest realisations… I don’t feel comfortable talking about my mental health around my family. 

 

They don’t understand, but they’re also not trying to understand. My bipolar diagnosis is over a year old, my depression misdiagnosis over two years old, and I was suffering for so so soooo long before that. I think hide my bipolar pretty well (there’s so much they don’t know) and I’m relatively ‘high functioning,’ but there are still signs that I’m not ok (for example, spending most of my free time just lying on my bed on my phone, eating handfuls of choc drops). They either have not learnt the signs (which they should have by now), or choose to ignore them… both bad options.

 

Which to me just proves I want to see my psychiatrist without my Mum. Because if they’re not interested in learning about how my bipolar affects me on a daily basis, then I don’t see why they should be a part of my medical appointments.

 

As a contrast… we have a family friend, my Mum’s age, who has become like an Aunty to me. She is just a beautiful human being who has taken the initiative to become my friend throughout all of this and has provided ongoing support with lots of encouraging texts and hugs. I saw her briefly today and one of the first things she asks me is how my mood has been. I live with my parents, I see her a few times a week, and she asked me a simple question I don’t remember my parents asking me. I told her the exact same thing I said to my Mum and sister last night, and she listened and responded! We had a very brief conversation (because of the environment we were in). Which is not that hard.

 

And even if my parents did ask how I am, I’m very likely to just close up because of how I’m feeling about them and their track-record in ignorance and invalidation.

 

 

 

And does anyone go through moods where they just don’t want people to touch them? Me right now in general. My Mum and sister looked at me so strangely just earlier when I reacted so strongly to my sister touching me on the arm/leg. I told her to stop, but she didn’t, so my next reaction was even bigger, and that’s when they looked at me weird. And noises are sometimes too much too. Again, my sister is mainly the cause. Like earlier she was playing with baby toys we just got for my cousin, and there were people talking, and it was urghghghghghhghghh yuck. She often gets in loud, hyperactive moods after dinner during which she has no regard for people’s feelings or personal space. That combination of invasion of personal space and noise really irritates me, but no one seems to get that I genuinely don’t cope with that.

 

 

So I guess right now not only am I hating bipolar, but am also angry, disappointed and confused with my family. Feeling irritable from bipolar, then having irritating things happen, is a very irritating situation.

 
 
 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 18-12-2022 08:57 PM

Aww @Akinna, I am sorry to hear that you can't talk to your family about your mental health. It makes sense that anyone invalidating your bipolar is also invalidating you.. which must be really hurtful coming from your family. What does your family not trying to understand your bipolar mean to you?

 

It also seems like you are feeling quite irritated as you have been triggered by some very uncomfortable behaviours. Everyone has different triggers and there might be times where you feel more impacted by them than others. You mentioned being likely to close up even if your family did ask how you are.. do you think there is any room for educating them on your boundaries and needs? How do you feel about approaching the topic of attending appointments alone?

 

I am glad you have someone who makes you feel heard and cared about. It is important to surround yourself with those types of people. It is so nice when people ask you questions or remember to check in on you.

 

I also just want to say that you aren't alone, I am also not able to talk to my family about mental health or really anything significant and it can feel isolating. What has helped me over the years is building a support network of other people and working with a therapist to accept my relationships with my family 💖

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Akinna
AkinnaPosted 22-12-2022 11:06 PM

@Taylor-RO my family not trying to understand my bipolar is really hurtful and confusing.

 

I had my psychologist appointment today and she's really encouraging me just to talk to my parents about this. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me gave us almost no information about bipolar. Mum was still doubting the diagnosis when we met a second psychiatrist a year later. I don't know how my family feels now.

 

So I have just ended up making a 6 page bipolar fact sheet about me. Complete with signs of each episode, ways to support me, my current coping stratergies, important things to keep on top of, extra notes, a good bipolar website link, and then of course screen shots of multiple excellent bipolar-themed instagram posts that do a really good job of explaining stuff. Plus a thank you at the end, I found a picture of a brain holding up a 'thank you' sign. Only thing I could add now is a meme, although I don't want to scare them with the dark sense of humour bipolar has given me 🙃

 

I think it's a good idea to educate my parents more. No one else has. Now I just have to decide how much and when...

 

I'm really not asking for much from them. Just simple check-ins is all I really need.

 

My next psychiatrist appointment is 14 January, so I have until then to tell my parents I'm going on my own. I've decided they honestly don't have a say in this one. I'm thinking a week is enough time for them to start to get used to the idea, but not too much time for them to try and potentially talk me out of it. But, my psychologist said it's not about them, it's about me.

 

That depressive episode seems to have actually lifted (a very rare occurance). They're all bad, but that was the worst in a while. And I'm actually feeling excited. That is not a normal emotion for me. Tomorrow is my last day of work for the year and we have family over. It's so weird to actually feel a little excited about something. Whenever a depressive episode lifts, I'm just like 'wow, this is how you've all been living?' But then I am immediately on the lookout for signs of a hypomanic episode because there are definitely some right now and I am always suspicious about my mood.

 

As I'm sure you guys know, mental illness can make holiday time-periods stressful because you're faking the same emotions as everyone else. No routine, more noise, less personal space and more time around people. At least this time we're not going away anywhere. I'm hoping I'll be able to enjoy this time with family.

 

 

When I take a while to reply I'm just processing everything 🙂

 
 
 
 
 
Blake_RO
Blake_ROPosted 23-12-2022 01:35 PM

Hey @Akinna ,

I’m sorry to hear that your family aren’t trying to understand your bipolar, I can imagine how upsetting and hurtful that must be for you. It’s a shame that you weren’t given much information about bipolar when you were diagnosed, I can imagine that it would’ve made it harder for your mum to understand.

Speaking to your family sounds like a great idea and it will allow them to understand it more and know how to better support you. I am once again impressed by your initiative and the way you take control and find solutions to help yourself, your fact sheet sounds brilliant and it’s so great that you will be able to educate them.

I also love how you have also included so many details and ones that are specific to you so you can be clear about how they can support you. You should be really proud of yourself for putting this together and for everything you do for yourself. I know I’ve said it before but your attitude and strength is so admirable.

I was wondering if you have shared this with them yet, If not, what do you think would be the best way to do this?

I wanted to share these 2 articles with you that I thought might be helpful for you to have a look over and might give you some ideas, 5 ways to get your parents to really listen to you and 6 tips for talking to your parents about mental health.

It’s good to hear that your mood has lifted. Do you know why that depressive episode was the worst in a while, did anything happen that may have impacted it?

I know you said that you’re noticing some hypomanic signs, and was wondering if you have spoken to your doctor or psychologist about this as well as your previous depressive episode being worse?

It’s good that you are keeping an eye out for the signs, would you feel comfortable sharing more about this and what you look out for? Do you have a plan or something you can do if you start to experience more hypomania signs and need extra support?

I’m not sure if you’ve seen this article or if you already do something similar but it includes links to a chart and app that help track moods which I thought may be helpful to check out if you’re interested.

You aren’t wrong, it can be a hard time of year for many! We have a really great post about end of year support if you wanted to have a read through. It’s great to hear that you will be spending some time with your family and I hope you enjoy it and have a lovely time.

 

 
 
 
 
 
Akinna
AkinnaPosted 23-12-2022 10:08 PM

Thanks for those article links @Blake_RO  I’ve had a look at them.

 

I’ve had to do a lot of research about bipolar to get to my current understanding of it. But I’m realising my parents haven’t had anyone teach them, and I’m not aware of them doing that same amount of research. So I’m thinking I could approach it as ‘my diagnosis is almost 1.5 years old, I’ve learnt a lot about it, and I wanted to share it with you.’

 

I’m trying to be conscious of not making it seem like I’m attacking them. Because that would be quite easy. I’ve actually included ‘None of these symptoms are your fault’ on my fact sheet. I’ve tried to include some more ‘I’ statements.

 

I’m hoping this conversation/fact sheet will also prove to my parents me being responsible about my mental health, and them being a little bit agreeable with me seeing my psychiatrist by myself. I hope talking with them shows them there is so much they don’t know.

 

I find writing incredibly easier than talking, and I want them to remember what I’m telling them. So of course dux student me decided to make a detailed fact sheet 😂

 

Something I hate is when Mum starts talking about how much all my treatment is costing. I am very well aware of that. I always have been. It is something I already feel guilty about, without anyone pointing it out. I offer to contribute. So in my fact sheet I’ve kindly explained this and said ‘I would much rather directly be asked to contribute if that’s what you’re wanting, as that would prevent me feeling like a burden.’

Do you think that makes sense? It really bugs me.

 

Haven’t decided when I will share this information with them. It’s going to be easy to procrastinate… 😅

 

I want things to change when it comes to how my family handles my bipolar. If that’s going to happen, I have to do something.

 

 

 

The main potential contributing factor to that depressive episode being worse than usual that I’m aware of is a recent medication change. Which is why I need to see my psychiatrist by myself. And I don’t know why it’s lifted either. And now it’s going to be interesting to see how the disappearance of routine affects me for these next two weeks of no work. Fatigue is normal for me, I’ve had high energy levels the last few days, but then I’ve had an energy ‘crash’ this afternoon. So see what happens next 🙃

 

I find hypomania hard to identify because it’s easy to confuse with emotions like ‘happiness.’ But as soon as I have an elevated mood and higher energy levels, I start looking out for other things like distractibility, talkativeness, goal-orientated behaviours and ‘amazing ideas.’ It often feels like I can finally think clearly, when really I’m being overly confident and obsessed with an idea/project/goal that is either impractical or that I wouldn’t normally care about. I might spend a solid few hours at the piano, decide to learn a new language, start a small business (actually did that), start a random project, or something else. I think I have ‘racing thoughts’ but that’s hard to tell because my mind tends to be constant chaos.

But I feel very uncertain identifying hypomania, almost like imposter syndrome. I’m trying to work on validation (a reason for deciding to talk to my family) which I’m hoping will make me feel more confident.

 

I haven’t talked about hypomania much with my medical professionals because it’s never been as debilitating or dangerous as depression. So I don’t have a plan for hypomania, I just try to at least be self-aware so I can kind of brace myself 😅

 

I’ve done a lot of mood tracking over probably the last two years. At the moment I’ve got a cute little bipolar journal I fill in each day.

 
 
 
 
 
Walter-RO
Walter-ROPosted 23-12-2022 11:46 PM

Hey @Akinna

 

Glad youve checked out those articles. Wondering if got anything out of them, even something small?

 

Love the approach youre planning to take with your parents on wanting to sharing with them the research youve done using I feel statements and providing fact sheets. They sound like really helpful ideas particularly the fact sheets that they can take away and look at further themselves.

 

When it comes to money, thats always a hard conversation. You feeling guilty shows how much you care. It must be hard hearing her talk abou how much treatment costs when our health is so important in a way, regardless of cost. 

 

When do you think it might be helpful to start sharing it with them? Do you think maybe putting a timeline on this for yourself, may help motivate you? Or perhaps rehearsing it to someone else you trust? Sounds like you want to do this sooner than later but a bit of fear is holding you back which is completely normal.

 

I can hear how important it is for you to be able to speak with the psychiatrist yourself which makes alot of sense. You sound very insightful and I love that you track your moods and use a journal each day. Have you written in it today?

 

Hope that you can get some rest for the night.

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Akinna
AkinnaPosted 31-12-2022 04:04 PM

@Walter-RO I had an open conversation with my parents last week about my bipolar and it went really good. I basically approached it from the angle of sharing with them what I’ve learnt. They were eager to see my fact sheet, and took it all seriously.

 

I guess that’s stage one.

 

Because next I need to talk to them about seeing my psychiatrist by myself.

 

Basically… the more information my psychiatrist has, the better quality treatment he can (attempt) to provide. There is some information I do not want to disclose in appointment with my mum sitting next to me as she does not know and I have no desire to share with her. But this information might (actually, should) affect his treatment decisions. Which means I have to talk to my parents about seeing him by myself. And I don’t want to have that sort of conversation.

 

I have just under two weeks until that next appointment. I’m wanting to have this conversation with my parents in just over a week from today. The day before my psychiatrist appointment I see my psychologist.

 

I guess this first conversation with my parents has been a test run/warm up, and it went well. I’m hoping throughout this next week some open communication about my mental health will continue with my parents, which should make the next conversation easier. But it’s still going to be hard.

 

I don’t know. It sucks living with a body and mind that hates you. I have my bipolar, then my IBS, and then some other random pain stuff that has been happening in these last few months and I can’t figure out what it could be connected to (I’ve noticed this new stuff since my latest med change, but there’s no clear pattern with when the pain starts in relation to the time I take my meds, so I don’t know. The stuff my naturopath gave me over a month ago hasn’t helped either). And so I just wait for someone to give me some sort of treatment that helps. Pain should not be a constant throughout my day. It should not have become normalised throughout my childhood. I’m tired. And getting fed up (again).

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 31-12-2022 08:22 PM

Hey @Akinna Firstly, I just want to say well done for talking to your parents about your bipolar. That sounds like it would have been such a hard conversation to have, so I want to say just how huge that is! What an acheivement in itself, you should be so proud of yourself for taking that step. I know we are! How are you feeling after having that conversation with them?

 

After taking such a big step, I am wondering if there is something nice you can do for yourself to celebrate? How are you feeling about talking to them about your appointments? We're always here if you want to run anything by us. 

 

I'm sorry to hear that you've been experiencing random pain over these last few months. It sounds like a lot to be dealing with on top of everything else. I know you mentioned seeing a naturopath, but is anyone else aware of these pains? No one should have to experience such pain on an every day basis, especially not you.

 

We're all here for you 💜

Welcome back!

Join the Community

ReachOut is confidential & anonymous.

8+ characters, 1 capital letter, 1 lower case letter and 1 number

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.