Medical Appointments

Hey @Akinna,

I get what you're saying about how its easier to talk about physical health than mental health, and I'm really sorry that you're dealing with the pain. Its a really good idea that you have been tracking the daily cycles and patterns, and can share this info at your next psychiatrist appointment, hopefully it helps narrow down the trigger. I have to say that your organisation, preparedness, and dedication to your mental health and your appts is phenomenal!! I absolutely loved your fact sheet idea! 💖

If you think it might help, you can use this thread to help prepare for that conversation that you want to have with your parents about attending the medical appts on your own. Initially you mentioned that you wanted to word it to them as: Learning to be a more independent adult, and taking charge and control over your healthcare - Are there any other "selling points" that you think they might be supportive of/have a hard time saying no to? Also, given that you have a good rapport with that family friend who has become like an Aunty, would you feel comfortable practicing/rehearsing the conversation with her first, before you speak with your parents?

Just as a quick side-note, we did do a tiny edit to your post, and removed the reference to your location to maintain your anonymity and keep you safe online.

I've actually just made an official list of talking points with my parents about why I should see my psychiatrist by myself. Like I think I'm mature enough, I already have practice preparing for and taking notes during medical appointments, I've improved my adult communication skills, my psychologist thinks I'm ready, and my parents like this psychiatrist compared to the old one. In addition to what I've already talked about on here.

Over messages I asked a good friend my age with mental health problems if she has been to medical appointments by herself, as I was wanting to go to my psychiatrist by myself. She said she had been on a few by herself, but a lot of the time it was because her mum couldn't make it. So maybe I could mention that too. She is was more unorganised than me but it still worked out.

I might be overthinking this conversation and making a big deal out of it. But maybe I'm not.

I've still got until next week to talk to them about it 😅

Hey @Akinna I just want to start off by saying what an amazing idea! Taking the time to plan out and create a list like this shows not only how important this is to you, but also initiative, maturity and even how determined you are. You should be so proud of yourself for putting this together. How are you feeling about everything? 

I wonder if your psychiatrist might be able to help convince them that you are ready to attend appointments on your own too. Do you think they might be able to help in some way? 

You are doing such a great job @Akinna, we are all cheering for you 💜

Thanks @Courtney-RO 

This is important to me, so I’m really trying to make it work.

I’m not sure what to think about it. I might be overthinking this, but I might not be. I’ll only find out once I actually talk with my parents, which I should do in a few days. I find it hard talking about my mental health, and so it’s hard for me to even imagine having this conversation with my parents. My biggest concerns are my parents not letting me see my psychiatrist by myself, or asking questions I don’t want to answer. But surely not after the list I have made.

My psychiatrist doesn’t know I’m planning this. He’s new for me, I’ve only had three appointments with him, and the last one was early November.

But I have been talking about it with my psychologist, and she’s been the one encouraging me to see him on my own. And she’s right. But I next see her the day before my psychiatrist appointment, and I think it would be better if I had spoken to my parents before then. So I don’t know.

Hey @Akinna, I want to echo what Courtney has said above in that it is mature and proactive of you to want to take responsibility over your mental health treatment and to share this with your parents. 

It can be really hard to open up a conversation about mental health with your parents, I empathise with you on this! It's great that you have identified that there may be questions you don't want to answer. Maybe you could prepare a response in advance if they do ask these questions, like “I know you are concerned about X, but I'd prefer if we discuss the details of X later”. 

I'm so glad to hear that your psychologist is a good support and is encouraging you to see your psychiatrist alone. Has your psychologist given any advice or strategies that you might like to use when speaking to your parents?

I'm cheering for you as well and we are all here if you need further advice on how to navigate this conversation 💜

Hey @Eleanor-RO don’t think we’ve talked before 🙂

It’s not like I have many options. If I want better treatment, my psychiatrist needs as much information as possible, I don’t want my parents to know some of that information, which means I need to see him by myself, which means I need to talk to my parents about it. Not that many choices.

Hadn’t thought about preparing what I would say if they asked those questions. I think it’s possible to vaguely answer those questions based on my interpretation of what their asking. For example, if they ask if something has happened lately, I can say no because in my mind a few weeks ago does not count as lately if that makes sense.

They might not even ask those questions.

No my psychologist hasn’t given me advice/strategies for talking with my parents. There’s always so many things to talk about.

I’ve also got to decide how to bring up the conversation. I’m currently thinking I’ll start talking about a busy week and what I have on each day. When I get to talking about my psychiatrist appointment, I could go ‘by the way, I’ve been thinking a lot…’

If they’re appearing hesitant, I can tell them they don’t have to decide now.

I just have to decide when to talk to them about it. This afternoon is probably a good time to bring it up because it’s the start of the week, so it’s natural for me to be talking about what I have on this week.

But just because I realise I need to do something doesn’t mean I want to.

Urgh this sucks.

Hey @Akinna,

I know that you have been dreading having this conversation with your parents, and it sounds like you have formed a good plan to broach the subject. 

Just remember to take a few deep breaths, and know that we are in your corner! 💞

Keep us posted as to how it goes, and we're sending you big, big hugs 🤗

I did it guys

It kind of came up semi1natlly in conversation so I took the opportunity. It went well. They agreed quickly. They didn't ask questions I didn't want to answer. They just checked I was going to tell him about my latest depression and side effects. If it's in person this week dad also offered to drive me to save me from parking

Urgh like with everything I overthought this but I was nervous but I was prepared but it worked out in the end lol

The next step is the actual appointment, but I'm not worried about that yet, I'm just glad to get the conversation with my parents done

I can't wait to go to bed, I'm so tired, had my first day back at work for the year so I am ready to sleep. The day went well, but I'm bombed 🥲😴

Hi @Akinna , I'm so glad to hear that your conversation with your parents went well. It sounds like they were pretty receptive to the idea of you seeing your psychiatrist on your own, and it must be a big relief to know that you can talk a little more freely and in private. That's lovely that your dad still offered to drive you to your appointment too 😀

It sounds like you've already got some things in mind that you'd like to share with your psychiatrist without your parents there, which is awesome. When is your next appointment?

Hey guys.

I did it. Psychologist and psychiatrist in the same day. I made it through my psychiatrist appointment without Mum for the first time and even though I was soooo nervous it went alright. My psychiatrist is pretty easy to talk to, and I said everything I needed (I forgot one small thing I’ve been wondering is a side effect, but that wasn’t as important as the other stuff). He made sure I had support resources for if I need them, some stuff that’s new to me. But he didn’t do any medication changes, which I am annoyed about. Because this i s   n o t   w o r k i n g. He would have gotten that from what I said. He wants to wait before he does any more changes. I see him again in two months, and by then we’ll have some blood test results back for another medication. 

So I got to go through that emotional roller coaster twice today. I recovered from my psychologist appointment, only to be hit harder by my psychiatrist appointment.

I decently self regulated after my psychologist appointment in a healthy way. But I’m still really struggling after my psychiatrist appointment.

It’s ok guys. I’m safe. And thanks to my psychiatrist today I have a new helpline number. But I am feeling extremely over it.

Hi @Akinna@Akinna , well done for getting through an enormous and emotionally exhausting day yesterday. Even just one of those appointments can be difficult to get through, let alone two on the same day. Despite your nerves, you even got through your psychiatrist appointment without your mum for the first time, that’s amazing news! You truly have come so far, something to be incredibly proud of! 

I am sorry to hear that your psychiatrist appointment didn’t go how you expected it to. It can be so difficult and frustrating to feel as though you’re not being heard by a specialist, especially when things feel like they are spiralling. It sounds like you had a pretty difficult time a few weeks ago, I’m sorry to hear about that, and I am glad to know you are feeling a bit better now. 

It sounds like although yesterday's appointment was a tough one to recover from, you were able to employ some healthy coping strategies to overcome it - even when it felt like self-destructive habits were wanting to take over - which is a true display of your resilience. How are you feeling about things today? 

Thank you for letting us know you are safe. You really are doing an amazing job💛

I honestly feel really awful.

I’m so angry and upset. What do I need to do, what needs to happen, when will I finally get the medical treatment that I need and that helps?

I’ve decided that I’m going to get my psychologist to email my psychiatrist in the lead up to the next appointment. My psychologist understands better than my psychiatrist does. Maybe that will do something.

I thought my psychiatrist was understanding. But I was expecting some sort of medication change. Because this is not working. I thought he was getting that. Some good things came out of that appointment, but it was equally triggering and I still haven’t recovered mentally/emotionally. I don’t really know how to. I know I have some coping skills from my psychologist I can try, but this just hurts so much.

I hope my blood test comes back with highly abnormal results to prove my point. But that’s extremely unlikely since that specific medication that is being tested hasn’t changed.

It’s feeling like… I did well in school, I have a job, I’m functioning well. But I’m trying to explain that even though I’m functioning almost normally, I’m also dying inside. I’m still not sure that everyone is getting that.

Maybe that’s it, maybe it’s not. But I’m going mad. I’m sick of wait and see only to be disappointed and to keep hurting.

Last night I was crying in bed so I decided I may as well try some sort of online chat service. Not many are operating at that time of day, so I went with lifeline. I knew I would have to wait, and thought it would be a bonus if I got to talk to someone. After half an hour I left the queue because I had work this morning. At least by this stage I had calmed down enough to fall asleep, even though I was still really upset.

Made it to work today, which was hard but good distraction, and now I’m getting less anxious about this job I’m starting to enjoy it. I got to work with just a genuinely nice colleague and some nice clients.

Now I’m in the car with my family, we’re going away for the weekend. I am not in the mood so I guess it’s time to fake it ‘til I make it. And my little sister is in a bad headspace and we don’t know why and she isn’t saying which means I have to pretend to be calm and positive around her even when I’m not, to not make the situation worse.

Urgh I’m really stuck. I can’t win. If I’m functioning, I have to convince people I’m not ok, and I get worse when they don’t understand. If I’m not functioning, I feel worse because I’m not distracted and feel guilty for being a burden. I can’t win.

I honestly feel like I’m letting everyone down. I’m struggling to know what to do.

Song recommendation: Bad For Me by Meg DeAngelis

Hi @Akinna , it sounds like yesterday’s appointment is weighing heavy on your mind today. It is understandable that you're feeling angry and upset. I can hear that you want nothing more than for your needs to be heard and understood, and for the right changes to your medication be made. I hear you when you say that although it may seem like you are functioning like a normal person on the outside, on the inside you are experiencing a lot of pain that people cannot see. 

It sounds like you have thought of a plan for the next time you speak to your psychiatrist, and sounds like your psychologist has equipped you with a toolkit of coping strategies to use in the meantime. Although you didn’t end up getting through, it is really nice to hear that you reached out to Lifeline last night. 

It’s so great to hear that you are starting to enjoy your job! It totally makes a difference when you get to work with nice colleagues and clients. What are you enjoying about your job? 

A weekend away sounds like it could be refreshing! Though after your day of appointments yesterday, I totally get why you might not be feeling in the mood at the moment. Does your family have any activities planned for the weekend? 

Ps. thanks for the song recommendation - an oldie but a goldie 😉

I’ve always struggled with feeling like I have to prove how bad I am to get help. And my psychiatrist appointment on Thursday really triggered those feelings again. I almost feel like the fact that I am able to function and work is being held against me and I’m being under-treated because of it. I’m confused and very angry. I had really good interactions with the psychiatrist. But absolutely no medication change has made me really angry. My parents were surprised that he didn’t change anything either.

I’m angry about this psychiatrist stuff because I’ve never been ‘ok.’ But I’ve been worse since this latest big medication change back in September. But he doesn’t seem to be getting that message, even when I thought I was being direct enough.

I definitely need a plan of attack for appointments, especially when it comes to psychiatrists when you might see them only every few months. You really have to be assertive and advocate for yourself. I emailed my psychologist about how my psychiatrist appointment went, and she said she was surprised about no medication changes. Maybe her saying something directly to my psychiatrist will make a difference next time.

For this year I scheduled psychology appointments 3 weeks apart, compared to one or two weeks apart because of Medicare changes. But last night I decided that’s a stupid idea and I’ll just make more frequent sessions work because unfortunately I need them. Just have to tell my parents that.

Urgh I’m so sick of constantly trying to figure this out.

I think I’m starting to get more comfortable and less anxious about my new-ish job. Getting used to things. I much prefer it to my old job. It’s a nice balance between working with others, and having alone time. I just seem to be starting to enjoy it.

We’re with some friends at their beach house for the weekend. They’re friends I’ve know my whole life. It’s nice, but the annoying part is not much alone time.

Hey @Akinna I'm so sorry to hear that you're in this situation. I can imagine just how hurtful and disheartening it is to constantly have to prove that you need support. The fact that you are able to function and work is truly a testament to YOU and just how hard YOU have worked. But it should never be used against you, or prevent you from finding that support so I can certainly understand your anger and confusion. 

It sounds like your psychologist has been a really great support for you though, especially with everything that happened at your psychiatrist appointment. Do you think she might be able to help you with strategies on talking to your psychiatrist?  

That's also really great to hear how comfortable your getting at your new job too! It sounds like you are doing such a great job at managing everything, despite just how stressful its been lately. How are you feeling about everything? 

Hi @Courtney-RO I’m still so angry about the outcome of that psychiatrist appointment. It’s confusing because I had really good interactions with him, but I walked away feeling misunderstood and under-treated.

So I’ve been thinking about what extra support I can find myself. I just told mum I want more psychology sessions and she was just like ‘sure.’ I’ve already typed up a text to send to my psychologist in the morning. I might go to bed extra early tonight so I might be able to get through to one of those chats. Lifeline seems to be open the longest. And in the meantime I just have to hang in there while I use this forum and try the coping techniques from my psychologist. And have lots of doggy time of course.

I’m fortunate to have two family friends like aunties who I can talk to about mental health stuff. We’re away with one of them this weekend, and we ended up talking a little about therapy (she’s actually the one who contributed to me changing psychologists), and she gets that sometimes you need more frequent sessions.

I have decided I want my psychologist to email my psychiatrist before my next appointment. Maybe that will make a difference. I’m sure she will do it.

Don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but I have this app on my phone called ‘messages of hope.’ It’s created by a New Zealand mental health non-product organisation called ‘voices of hope.’ Only of the co-founders is Jazz Thornton, who I guess is my mental health inspiration. Anyway, every day, the app sends you a nice little message. I couldn’t believe it when today’s was ‘only you know what you are going through and it is not your job to convince others.’ Which is very appropriate for what I’m going through. But at the same time, I do have to convince others in order to get medical help.

I got to work to act and be distracted, then come home and crash.

So yay for being young and mental-ill 🙂

Hey @Akinna 

I am really sorry to hear that you're still finding the appointment triggering. I don't blame you for feeling that way and it might take some time before you feel less triggered by it. It is great that you're thinking of ways to get more support and that your Mum is really on board with you having more psychology sessions.

Using coping strategies can be a journey as you've discovered. It also sounds like you're feeling a bit stuck and conflicted. I'd encourage you to share your thoughts with your psychologist but in the meantime, try not to put too much pressure on yourself and just do the best that you can. Some days can be better than others.

Having a support network is really valuable and it is amazing that you can chat to people who understand. The messages of hope app is a nice way to have a positive and motivational message on your phone each day. I can't believe the message you saw today, that seems so fitting for you!

Hi Akinna i totally get what you've been saying about triggers and really struggling with them i struggle with depressive episodes myself and i can completely relate to what you've been saying about how bad they can get for me it's been a once or twice off every few days as my moods fluctuate and change but recently it's been getting to the point of being almost everyday now i'm autistic and being the only one in my family to be diagnosed with it hasn't helped and i can totally relate to how you've been saying it's a massive struggle talking to your parents and how it's those conversations about your mental health that you've been dreading having with them for me it's the conversations about my own mental health that i dread having with them because their not autistic like me and knowing they wouldn't quite understand my mental mindsets but since i've found this forum the people on here have helped me realize i'm not alone and that their are other like minded people out there who can relate to me and i'm really sorry to hear that you've been struggling with so much but i want you to know your not alone and you have come so far in finding the help you need it's a true testament to your resilience despite everything you've been struggling with and i hope you feel proud of yourself for how far you've come.

Hey @Akinna 💜

Well done for going to the GP on your own, and it's so great to hear it went well! 🙌 It makes such a difference when you find a doctor who really listens and validates how we're feeling. That's a shame that the DBT therapy course was cancelled today, but good on you for reaching out and writing out your thoughts here as a bit of an alternative in the meantime. How has the course been going so far?

Derealisation and depersonalisation is a really tough one, especially when you find yourself ruminating on it. Is there anything in particular that gives you joy in the moment? I'm wondering if finding something to focus on that makes you feel good, may take away from those questions around whether it's real or not? Maybe the focus could be switched to the happy feels instead of caring whether it feels real or not. Do you think that's something that might work for you?

Hey everyone

I went to my GP appointment by myself, and it went well. Got the referrals and and blood test forms I needed. He asked me what I think about my psychiatrist and when I said I had mixed feelings he asked me for the gossip. It was nice to have a doctor listening to my complaints and agreeing with them. I am going to be avoiding my psychiatrist until after my DBT course finishes in August if I can.

I was looking forward to DBT therapy today but it got cancelled because the therapist running it is sick. Which is disappointing because I really needed it. So I’m writing here.

The first time I read about derealisation and depersonalisation I felt like I was reading about myself. A few years later, I still feel the same. And it’s freaking me out a bit lately. I’m not going to list all the symptoms I have, because this would be a long post. I don’t know anything else so I’m almost used to it, but it’s still all unsettling and it’s getting to me lately. But the part that’s gotten worse again lately is I’m constantly wondering, ‘how can I know this is real? How can I know anything is real?’ This is OBSESSIVE and the most frustrating/unsettling/kinda scary part of it all. On top of feeling like everything is fake etc etc, these paranoid thoughts live in the back of my head. It’s so frustrating and confusing, especially when it makes it harder for me to figure out what I believe and stuff.

That was one of the things I wanted to say in therapy today but I can’t so I have to wait until next week 😞

Hi @Akinna , just wanted to chime in and congratulate you on beginning your new DBT course🙂 I am sorry to hear that you’re struggling with the homework. Therapy homework can be really challenging and exhausting, it sounds like a good idea to bring this up with your OT at your next session.

Deciding whether or not to bring your mum to your GP appointment sounds like a really tough decision. It seems that on one hand, having your mum might be helpful as she is a great advocate, but on the other hand, having her there might undermine the privacy you wish to maintain around certain aspects of your mental health. As you mentioned, there might not be a perfect option, but I wonder whether you are having any gut feelings about what would be the right thing? 

It may be a coincidence, but with the mentioning of wanting to be a ‘blob’ I was wondering if you had come across our infamous blob tree thread? (If not, check it out!) 

All the best for your GP appointment on Wednesday. 

Hi @Akinna 

Thank you for reaching out on the Forums!

I sounds like you are coping with a lot at the moment but I contratulate you on how you are processing your desicions. Family can be really challenging with our MH and we don't always get the response we hoped for. Though they can be supportive when we need it and it sounds like you have a lot of support from your family which is heartwarming to hear. 

Making decision about what to share is important and it sounds like you are thinking about it a lot and sharing those thoughts here on the Forums. It can be really helpful to hear/see our own thoughts and have the support of the community. We can also communitacte our desicions to our family so they know that we are making changes to how we share information so they know there is a change and can respect that too.

There's a good resource artices we have and you might find it helpful:

• 6 tips for talking to your parents about mental health | ReachOut Australia

Sounds like you are doing a great job already and speaking to your GP is a great step in staying safe and being open about you experiences. 

Take care

Pete-RO

Hey guys

I started my new DBT course last week. It’s being run by an occupational therapist for 12 weeks. It was alright. I’m actually really struggling with the homework though. But that’s not the main point of this post (I can talk to the OT about that anyway)…

I am very stressed and feel really stuck. I am seeing my GP on Wednesday for multiple reasons, a main one being to get updated referrals for my psychiatrists.

My GP is going to have (I assume) information from my hospital stay last month (haven’t seen him since then). That has self harm information on there. So I’m assuming he will want to talk about self harm.

Now that I’m 18 with more confidentiality etc, I REFUSE to let my parents know about my most recent self harm these last few months. They’re very supportive and I don’t know if I would still be alive without their support… but I know finding out will just upset them. They can’t do anything, so telling them seems pointless. They might lose their trust in me again, and I can’t have that happen.

If I bring my mum to my GP appointment, she will help advocate for me, but will make the self harm aspect harder. After going to two psychiatrist appointments by myself recently, my dad suggested I take mum again. If I don’t take mum, then there’s more responsibility on me but I can talk about self harm slightly less-awkwardly (if that’s even possible).

And my GP is better than my psychiatrist. I have been to an appointment to him by myself. Mum asked the other day if I wanted her to come (I said Idk), so she’s recognising I might want to go by myself. And when the latest psychiatrist I saw asked about self harm, mum offered to step out of the room so I could talk, and didn’t ask any questions later, which I really appreciated.

So I’m feeling very confused. If I have the chance, I can try to talk to the OT running the DBT group the day about it (that would be the day before the appointment)… but I don’t know. Whether I do or don’t go with mum, I’m going to be scared. I guess there’s no perfect option, it’s not black and white. I need to decide which option is likely to have the best medical outcome. That’s probably without Mum. But I still feel stuck in my decision making.

I would rather throw up than go to another medical appointment. I just want to be a blob (because blobs don’t have to be or do anything).

In better news… I have started watching the rookie with my family and am obsessed 🙂 But the sad part is that it’s just a tv show 😞 But watching that show with my family helps me escape life for a little and makes me feel happy 🙂

Hi there @Akinna ,

Thanks for the update and sharing with out how things are going for you right now.

It sounds like you have so much insight into what is happening and despite some people being invalidating, it seems like you have that awareness of what would be helpful/unhelpful. This is a very positive start. And yes! That wise mind that is a balance of the emotional and the rational mind. Having am understanding of the wise mind can really help bring things to perspective.

As for giving the meds time to work until after the next DBT course, that's sounds like a very wise idea. Meds can take time to kick in and for your body to adjust. Alongside medication, psycho-education is so important so I'm glad you have organised your work around your DBT sessions. It'll be worth it.

Go slow and be kind to yourself. Rome wasn't built in a day, and certainly out ways of thinking don't change in a day either.

We'll wait to hear from you next time.