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How to be easygoing?

Hey everyone Smiley Happy Just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to be easygoing and stress less when talking to people at school that I don't really know and want to get to know better? I tend to become shy and come across as cold or boring. Also how do I make friendships in school lead to after school stuff? I only have like four people that I talk to outside of school and I'm feeling a little lonely.

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Re: How to be easygoing?

Hey @tadaa! Great questions!

Welcome to Reachout!

With socialising, I think that the more you practice, the better you'll get at it.

One thing I sometimes do if I have to meet people or socialise with people and I'm feeling a bit stressed about it is to take a little bit of time to myself first, to destress a bit. For example, I might arrive at where I'm going, and give myself 5 minutes to sit in the car (or even the toilet cubicle if there's nowhere else private) to collect my thoughts and chill out. 

You can also set a goal - eg - I want to talk to 2 new people today. That way you know that once you've achieved your goal, it's ok to go home, or stop meeting new people and just hang with a friend you already know. Sometimes knowing there's an end in sight makes it less stressful. Smiley Happy

This fact sheet has some good tips for getting started talking to people and making friends: 
How to make friends

People often like to talk about themselves, so if you observe something interesting about a person (eg they're reading an interesting looking book, or you spot them doing something like riding a cool bike or something)  -you can ask them about it as a conversation starter. This can also be good because if you can find things that you have in common with people, that can make it easier to suggest doing an activity outside of school. Eg - if you both like skateboarding, or you both like the same band  - you can suggest doing that activity together.

Will you come back and tell us how it's going? Good luck! Smiley Happy

 

Cheers,
blithe

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Re: How to be easygoing?

Hey @tadaa 

 

I think everything @blithe has said is great advice! Just one more thing I'd like to add, maybe you could organsie with your current friends a little get together sort of thing where they could all bring a couple of other friends and you could meet them. Because your mutual friends can introduce you to each other and with them there it will be less awkward and the conversation will probably flow better if there is more inputs from other people. 

 

Just a thought! Smiley Very Happy

 

Gabi 

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Re: How to be easygoing?

thanks @blithe - you have some really useful advice! I really like the idea of the goals and taking a minute to collect myself Smiley Happy 

@Gabi - thanks Smiley Happy I'd like to try what you suggested - only problem is my current friends are part of a small group of 5 (who i already know) and don't talk to many other people - I'm not sure if they would be too keen on the idea...how could i maybe bring this up?

 

I'll keep you guys updated on what's happening!

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Re: How to be easygoing?

Hey @tadaa 

 

Welcome to Reach Out!! Great question. 

Using breathing exercises prior to entering a social setting can help calm the nerves. As can running through a few different conversation scenarios in your mind. 

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Re: How to be easygoing?

Hi @tadaa!

I'm glad my advice was helpful. Smiley Happy

How have you been going?

 

blithe

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Re: How to be easygoing?

Hi @blithe ! Smiley Very Happy I'm slowly improving... I auditioned for a part in a play and got a main role which I'm hoping will mean I'll make a few friends outside of school Smiley Happy There is one person who I'd really like to get to know better and become close with but I don't really know how to go about it without being too forward - but on a whole I get the feeling I'll be talking worry-free in no time Smiley Happy

'

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Re: How to be easygoing?

Hi  @tadaa ,

Wow, that's brilliant news! Being in a play will be heaps of fun and will certainly get you over any nerves you might have.
Good luck with getting to know that special someone too. Smiley Happy

 

blithe

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Re: How to be easygoing?

Hey tadaa!

 

Awesome question!

 

It's great that you're wanting to build the confidence to be more easygoing and to stress less when it comes to getting to know more people. I remember when I was at school, I also wanted to build more friendships and being able to chill out. Most of the time, people thought I didn't have much of a sense of humour or just a very cold person :/ But what worked for me was joining school clubs or after school activities. This way, you get to meet more people quickly who have similar interests to you. Other times, it can also be a matter of chucking yourself out there in uncomfortable situations. Even though there's always space for awkwardness and feeling a tad uneasy, it definitely tests your improv skills! As for making friendships in school leading to  after school stuff, there's always partnering up with someone you don't know and let chance do the work Smiley Tongue 

 

Good luck!

___________________________________________________
Stay excellent
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Re: How to be easygoing?

@Myvo  - that is exactly what a lot of people think I'm like! I'm hoping to take things easy from now on and see how it goes. Smiley Happy It's a slow transition though!