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Losing My Mum

Hello there, people of the internet, this is my first time using this forum so please excuse any mistakes I make, or if this doesn't make sense at all haha.


Recently, I've been extremely down because of the loss of my Mum back in 2014, with a lot of anxiety and depression consuming my emotions. It got so bad that I didn't want to go to school and I got extensions on my assignments. I just get constantly reminded of her, and while I have a step-mum, it doesn't help the overwhelming sense of grief, as she could never be a replacement (my step-mum is super awesome tho). 


Whenever I talk about it with any of my friends, it feels like they don't understand how to comfort me (which is completely understandable, as it is an extremely heavy topic), but this leads me to feel isolated in a sense. If I'm at one of their houses, I feel like the emotional one, while all my friends are having fun without a care in the world. 


I am getting professional help through my school counselor and a psychologist and they help because I like talking about my emotions, but as I said, my emotions are a heavy subject for most people. 


Anyway, I think that's enough, for now haha, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Thank you!


Re: Losing My Mum

Hey @Phantom1105 I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a family member is one of the hardest things to go through. How are you doing recently? That's really good that your school counsellor and psychologist are helping, talking about emotions can really give us some clarity and a sense of relief. Even though it may feel like your friends don't understand, it is really good that you are open with your emotions. It may just take some time for both you and your friends to adjust and with the pressures of high school it can be really difficult. Maybe you could suggest a fun activity that you like doing? (e.g. movies, putt putt, bowling, going out for breakfast/lunch etc.) That way you can focus on the activity and enjoy your time with your friends. Hope this suggestion helps Smiley Happy


Re: Losing My Mum

Hey @LovesFood, thank you for responding to my message, I appreciate it Smiley Happy


Recently, it's been getting harder and harder. I'm reminded of her a lot of the time and therefore the sadness and anxiety overwhelm me at times, to the point that I don't want to go to school or talk to anyone. This is quite strange, as usually I am a pretty social person and love to see my friends. I think the pressures of senior school also gets to me, trying to go through this loss but also keep up with the workload.


I think my friends and I are going to hang out soon at one of their houses and play Super Smash Bros., which probably will be a lot of fun and could distract me quite a bit. 


Thank you again for listening Smiley Happy


Re: Losing My Mum

Hey @Phantom1105 


Welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing your story. Opening up about our concerns can be difficult, especially when the topic is as sensitive as yours, so that was courageous of you. 


I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your mum. Losing a parent is not easy. I lost my dad last year, therefore I know how hard it is Smiley Sad. Grief is an odd thing in that everyone handles it differently. It's a matter of trying to figure out what helps you deal with it best. I'm not sure about you, but sometimes I find it helpful to try and "connect" with or remember my dad. Sometimes I write to him in my diary. I like art and drawing so drawing photos of him also helps. Watching old videos is bitter sweet but overall I like it because it reminds me of the good times and makes me feel closer to him. 


It might be helpful to consider what your mum would've wanted for you. I'm guessing she wanted you to be happy, right? Therefore, when you're having a bad day, it might be helpful to think "mum would've wanted me to be happy" or "mum would've wanted me to push through the day" or "mum would've wanted me to push through these negative feelings and go for a walk" as it might help you overcome some of the sadness you're experiencing. If this works, then the one thing that is getting you down is also getting you back up, you know? 


It's sad that you're friends aren't that comforting - I'm sure it's unintentional. I guess it's one of those things - you don't really know how it feels until you go through it. It's possible your friends are unsure of how to approach the topic because they have never been through it themselves? I think it's super great that you have sought professional help though! It's good to express your emotions. 


These are just some of my own suggestions but of course, if you need some additional professional help (outside of the sessions with your psychologist) then please call Kids Help Line on 1800 55 1800 or Griefline on 1300 845 745 


Thinking of you and thanks again for sharing with us! Heart


Re: Losing My Mum

Hey @TOM-RO  , thank you also for listening Smiley Happy


I'm also sorry to hear about the passing of your Dad, at least I know you're sort of in the same boat haha. I feel like I'm still trying to figure out what works for me personally. I've tried digging myself into games, youtube, and music, but they don't work as well as they used to. Sometimes I talk to my Mum and flip through her Instagram to see what she was up to before she passed, as she posted every day. I feel the exact same way with videos though; it's really bittersweet, but it brings me closer to her.


I completely agree with thinking that she wouldn't want me to feel sad. I've tried, but most days it doesn't really work, unfortunately... I get too deep inside my own head if that makes sense.


I feel like I'm a wild card with my emotions, and I try my best to express them in any way I can, which usually consists of talking to people. I get scared when I talk about it because I know they can't really help when they don't know how it feels.


Anyways, have a good night and thank you again for the suggestions and listening! 



Re: Losing My Mum

My pleasure @Phantom1105, that's what we're here for! 


It sounds like you had a great relationship with your mum, which is something to cherish.


Yeah it is really hard Smiley Sad, I know what you mean about getting to deep inside your head. Your psychologist should be able to help you with that - to help you become aware of your thought patterns, recognize when you start over-thinking, and then provide you with some coping strategies to help you avoid going "too deep" inside your own head. It can be hard to do but it is possible.

I'm not sure if you believe in the afterlife (I personally do), but if one exists, then I am sure your mum is with you and looking over you all the time.  Keep us updated about your journey, as well as how you go with the psychologist. Know that ReachOut are always here for you; always willing to listen and support you. Be strong! Heart