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Hickeys
I’m 19 and In a relationship but live with my parents. I’ve gotten a few hickeys from my gf and my parents think it’s disgusting and told me not to get any more.
I believe that as I’m an adult it’s my choice and I should be able to do what I want.
They believe they look trashy and people will judge me or whatever. But I don’t care what others think about me. It’s my life and my body if others think that I’m trashy I really couldn’t care less. So I don’t understand why my parents care so much.
I can’t get them to understand me either. It just pisses me off and I don’t know what to do. I just wish they could mind their own business or not care. It doesn’t affect them in any way and its not dangerous so what’s the big deal??
Comments
Hey @Egg92
I'm 19 too and experienced the same thing with my parents and hickeys..
They made me feel ashamed and embarrassed about having them but your right, it's not dangerous at all and it's not a big deal.
That's great that you don't care what others think about you, and it IS your life so you can do what you want.
I'm not sure why a lot of parents are bothered by something as small as a hickey but no need to be bothered by it.
Your completely right that it's your choice. Just wanted to say that I relate
Hey @Egg92
Welcome to our online community, im really glad that youve been able to share whats happening for you.
I hear you!! I can see what you mean - hickeys dont hurt anyone and dont impact other people, so that must be super frustrating. No wonder youre feeling like your parents are making a big deal out of nothing.
No one likes to be told what to do, especially when we are adults. So its natural to be cheesed off and just wish they wouldnt get worked up about such minor things.
Im wondering if youve been able to share your frustration with anyone like your girlfriend or a good friend? And how do you think you responded to your parents when they reacted the way they did?
Whilst youre not wrong about it being your own body and that we shouldnt care what others think, Im wondering if your parents care so much because they may see a hickey as an explicit statement and they actually worry about others judging them as parents.
Note that we had to edit out a section of your post using possibly offensive language as this is part of our community guidelines.
There is a great article on how to best get parents to understand and listen to us better that may be worth checking out here.
Thank you for this response. I have spoken to my gf and another friend about it and they both seem to agree that my parents shouldn’t be so bothered about it.
I’m trying to understand my parents point of view and I understand if it’s a case of them worrying about what others think but they should know that I’m the only one who should be worried what others think and it doesn’t affect me if others don’t like it so I feel like they should be ok with that too.
As for how I responded when they got mad I tried my best to keep my cool. I think I reacted better than I usually would when they get mad. I tried to be understanding but also stood up for myself saying I like them so I should be allowed to have them and I’m an adult. But they just kept getting madder.
so idk what to do coz I know if I get another one they’ll be mad again but it’s my choice why should I have to stop doing something that doesn’t affect them or anyone in a negative way? The only real problem with hickeys is how people view them. I know they’re not very “professional” but I work in a donut shop so it’s not like I have a very high profile job. And customers just want donuts they don’t care what I have on my neck.
so anyway who knows. I don’t think they’ll be able to see my side of it no matter what I say.
Good on you for trying to see things from your parents perspective - i know that can be difficult.
Sounds like your friend and gf are both supportive so im glad youve been able to share it with them.
Its great to hear you tried to remain calm - when we are angry and yelling, our message is often no longer heard, but im guessing that if your folks were reacting out of anger that it would have been really hard for you to hear their point also.
Im wondering if perhaps there a sense of shame or embarrassment that they may be feeling - although like youve said, in an ideal world we shouldnt care about what others think, but many people still do.
Like you said, maybe they wont see eye to eye on this issue. So may be it would be helpful to consider - is it worth it then if they see another one and react poorly again.