Juggling the Holidays
Hi,
Just finished school and now I'm back at home and have no idea what to do with myself. I'm here with my younger brother and dad as mum is still working and will be back late Friday night. A few things that have happened is that I got my VCE results today for my accelerated subject. I'm also struggling with dad at the moment. I also feel low and I'm not sure what do with myself.
So, the easiest issue is dad because mum will be back tomorrow but I'm still feeling really annoyed. Because mum's not here, it feels like he's expecting me to do everything she would do and he's not even asking, just telling or assuming, and his excuse or reason is that he's doing stuff on the farm and the grass is out of control. Because it's only the first couple days of the holidays, I thought I would get a proper chance to just stop for a minute because it's been so intense. Dad thought I would just do dinner just because and I got a bit annoyed at just being expected to do it. Thankfully, my brother agreed to help but even when we finished, dad didn't come in for the food to eat with us and then asked where it was hours later and told me to put the rest in the fridge. He also asked me what I was going to do for dinner today and to make him a shopping list, then added that I should clean my room and wondered if I was going to start my homework today. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I don't feel like I'm getting break. He also woke me up early (6:30am) because mum was on the phone and then finished the conversation in my room when I was trying to sleep. The other thing was that when I went to feed the horses, he was mowing right next to them and set them off while I was in there, making me feel unsafe as the horses hadn't been handled a lot while I was at school. There was also moldy food in the fridge.
I know that most of these problems will be solved when mum comes home but then I also feel guilty because then she has to put up with it all. I don't mind cooking, especially with mum or having fun with my brother, but being told or expected to do it on the first day of the holidays was just draining, as well as all the other things.
Dad does have neurological issues that make it hard for him to see things from others perspective, he also forgets a lot and sometimes does things that don't make sense (like throwing out the box of a box of chocolate and then leaving the chocolate on the table). Because of this, I know that most of the things he does isn't necessarily malicious or his fault but it's still really frustrating.
The other thing that's set me off today was the VCE results. I know I should be really proud and happy with my score and it is an amazing achievement, but I also can't help feeling like I should've done better as my predicted study score was higher. It's a horrible thing to feel because it is a good score but I feel as though my predicted mislead my belief in myself. I came out of the exam thinking I could've done better but overall happy with what I managed, but now I feel like I wasted all of the hard work I put in to not achieve my predicted. What I really want to do is find out how others feel about their SS or speak to my teacher, but I feel guilty for seeking someone else's score to feel better about my own. I'm struggling to feel happy and proud with myself, despite knowing I did the best I could in that situation. This has also made me feel anxious about next year in Year 12 where I don't want to put pressure on myself or feel disappointed.
Additionally, I just feel generally low and out of touch. I did some water colour with my brother for a bit and I've done a little writing but nothing much has held my attention or made me feel any different. I have holiday homework to do and dad's comment about getting started hasn't helped, especially as I already had a plan to start and finish within a week only to be told afterwards that we had things on despite checking repeatedly. I feel low and unmotivated and my list of things to do looks daunting. I was really looking forward to the holidays as a chance to finally stop, especially since I haven't been to our real home since the Easter break as I went on a school trip during the June-July holidays. I feel really burnt out and I haven't been able to appreciate things as they happen.
Also, my parents and I finally went to the doctors because I've been so stressed and anxious and they finally recognised it as a problem. I'd been so scared to tell them anything that it was a relief when we finally went but I could not be more disappointed. The doctor said it was probably just burn out and that I'd be fine after the holidays. He said I probably just needed a break and suggested we use Headspace, which we haven't done and I feel worse than before we went because now my parents don't think anything serious is wrong and that I just need a break and everything will be fine. I don't feel this way. I do think a break will help in the short term, maybe, but I also know that it's more than workload and exams that make me anxious and that won't just go away. I still get really low for no apparent reason and can't find an interest in anything. I'm anxious about doing homework before we leave to travel, and I'm stressed about getting extended family presents for Christmas.
I feel like I'm losing my mind and I don't know what to do. I'm sure I'll feel fine a few days though, but I don't know how to stop feeling like this or get out of it.
Thank you.
Comments
Hi 🙂
Thanks for sharing this ❤️
Just putting a few of my thoughts and experiences ~ school&holidays-related ~ hope this helps..
Yes, adjusting to holiday life after school is honesty a struggle sometimes because it's a completely different routine. For me I had a similar issue where family members sometimes said reminders or imposed stuff to do (out of goodwill) without realising I was already setting my own rhythm and had other things to stress about. Honestly, I don't know of a quick fix to this, but I usually replied, explaining I had something else to worry about, or that I was tired or busy - and eventually they worked out how to give me space to manage my own things. Hope you can take care of yourself and catch a break ❤️ Perhaps if you have the energy, you could talk with your Dad and explain that you want to chillax for the beginning of the holidays? You've just made it through a whole year of hard work, so it's definitely deserved!
I did an accelerated subject last year and just finished the HSC this year; what you mentioned about making plans and feeling overwhelmed by the list/ things not going according to plan - so real. Each time it neared the end of term, I remember looking over my assessments and things and thinking 'right, I'm gonna grind. This holidays, I'm gonna have the time and energy to do everything....', then some random thing comes up on the first day.. and the second.. and suddenly the timeline's all messed up...
Does this somewhat sound familiar? It's ok if not, just sharing my experiences 🙂 By the time the trials and HSC rolled around, I kind of learnt that long-term planning doesn't always involve sticking straight to schedule and fulfilling everything on the checklist. For me, life got a lot easier after I focused more on doing a bit each day and stopped worrying about how much I got done yesterday or over the past week, because that doesn't really matter. It sounds to me like you're quite the hard worker, so trust that the efforts you put in will pay off ❤️
You mentioned you got a good score, although you're disappointed because you feel like it could've been better - this happened to me and so many of my friends! It's a good thing, because it means you're aiming high! But also, does cause unnecessary stress and disappointment. I hope you can one day look back and feel like your result is a flex 😉. I feel like the further into Year 12 I went, the more I realised what makes a score better isn't necessarily it being higher. Once you start looking into uni course preferences and things (obv no need to stress about that now, just illustrating the idea here), the best score is honestly the score that you need to get into the course you want. It sounds like you received something many people would be happy with, so it's most likely a score that would be useful for the future 🙂
And it's ok, we've all done the 'seeking others scores to feel better', so don't feel bad - it's part of the high school experience for many people, and honestly the way the grading system is organised doesn't help. Definitely talk to your teachers if feel like that would help, they usually have more perspective and reasonable advice or evaluations of how you're going.
Anyhow, take care Lemon 💕. Hope you can have some good rest and relaxation this hols
Hello @Lemon_Fox,
First of all, great job at finishing Year 11, quite a milestone! Apart from that, sorry to hear that a lot of things have been rocking up for you since then.
In terms of your issues with your dad as of this moment, you mentioned that your dad has neurological issues, is he like aware of the fact that he strike up as such? Had you talked about this with him and how you feel about it? I would acknowledge that might be a bit difficult especially since he is your guardian and it took quite a bit of energy to convince your parents to take you to see someone on your anxiety.
I’m sorry to hear that your first visit to your doctor about your anxiety and stress was not to your liking. It is sometimes difficult for people to get a good picture right for the get go and In sorry to hear that that you didn’t end up having a follow up with Headspace as well.
A suggestion I would make on that would be perhaps you can look toward online peer chats or calls as another means of maybe getting some problems across ( with our very own Peerchat & Kids Helpline being a good start).
In regards to your exam results, I get you on that as well, I used to be very fixated by grades as well and when it was not as I expected I would typically be in a very depressed state for quite a bit as well ( as within my degree in Psychology, gate way into an Honours and Masters degree are very competitive) and I got into this super perfectionist state when it came to grades in the early stages of my Bachelors which definitely puts me in a state which is not the best.
However, as I continued on, I felt like while there is strong validation when I get a really good grade, it’s definitely more satisfying to see it as effort put that led to a good grade albeit sometimes I would admit that there has been some shortcoming with some of my subjects, rather than effort that has been wasted.
What I learned is that as long as the grade guided me toward my goal, I would be quite happy and content.
In any case, I hope that this was of help and I’m wishing you the best ☺️
Hi @Lemon_Fox,
Welcome back to the ReachOut Youth Community! First, congratulations on finishing year 11! It sounds like it's been a big year for you!
It's understandable that you're feeling exhausted and would like a break. I can see how frustrating it can be to be expected to do a list of chores right after finishing with school. Naturally this can make anyone feel like they're not getting time and space to properly relax.
I'm also hearing that not getting the predicted study score has made you feel disappointed which can add to the frustration. I want to let you know that you're not alone in this and that the community is here for you!
You've mentioned that you've noticed that you tend to get anxious and feel low, and that burn out doesn't fit what you're experiencing. I'm wondering if you've had a chance to get a second opinion or talk to your doctor again about how you feel?
I also see that you have been referred to Headspace and I'm wondering if you've had a chance to check their website out?
It's understandable that you're feeling stuck as well. It sounds like you're wanting some time and space to yourself to process you feelings about your results and what happened with your dad. What do you find manageable for you at the moment?
We have an article on how to manage stress and anxiety that may be helpful to you.
I hope to hear from you soon and I hope you find the support you seek here!
