Moving
Hey guys. So I’m young (14) and my dad got a gob offer from this place in Antwerp Belgium, and my dad is trying to get my whole family to move for his job. I don’t want to move, neither does my mum, my sister has moved out and my brother probably will soon too. I don’t want to move to Belgium, I’ll be moving to a complete new continent for heavens sake! I’ll need to go to a new school with new kids and make new friends with new families. I don’t care that we’ll be better off and making more money I can’t move. Everything would be different. Different people, different food, different culture, different language.(I already speak the languages, but not confident enough for everyday use) I’m scared and have told my dad that I don’t want to go but he just says “you’re young, you’ll adapt!” Or “you will just have to adjust to life there” or worst of all “maybe it’ll be good for you, you need to make new friends anyway, you don’t seem to have any here” I have talked to one friend about it but he’s not been much help. Please any advice???
Comments
Hey @Giraffelover
Wow, this is a big life change, and its completely reasonable that you're overwhelmed, stressed and worried. While there is a lot of things that you will miss from your life here, it's easy to overlook how exciting new opportunities can be.
I have a friend that was in a similar situation when she was also 14. Her family moved from Australia to the US because of a job offer. I remember her being so scared and sad to leave all of her friends behind. But now, 6 years later, she has created an AMAZING life over there. And, she comes back every Christmas to visit her old friends, so, she has 2 awesome lives on the opposite sides of the planet! I think that is really cool.
I can really understand not wanting to move. Adapting to a new culture and environment will be hard and will take alot of effort. But think about when you started school. That was adapting to a completely new environment, and you did it! So you definitely have it in you to do that again.
This situation must be really hard for you. I commend you on being able to post about it. Seeing that you are good at putting your feelings into words, maybe you could use this skill to have conversations with your mum and dad about how you are feeling. Maybe they are really nervous too, I am sure its not just you!
Would love for you to keep us posted on this.
Have a nice weekend!
Hi @Giraffelover,
It’s totally understandable that you're feeling this way. Moving to an unfamiliar place can be overwhelming, especially when you’ve established comfort and familiarity with the culture around you—from the food offered to the language spoken.
It sounds like you’ve already tried talking to your dad, but maybe he doesn’t fully understand the depth of how tough this is for you. It’s hard when people think it’ll just be easy to adjust, but for you, it’s a big emotional shift, not just a physical one. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to need time to process them. I especially think the tipis provided by @starhlights are amazing in terms of becoming more comfortable in this new space. I also think it's cool how @laubn22 suggested reading up on articles around other people's experiences.
You’re not being unreasonable at all, and it’s really brave that you’re speaking up about how you feel. Keep expressing yourself—it’s an important part of processing such a big change, and it will help you work through the feelings that come with it. A final tip would be to practice self care. I find this is super beneficial when feeling overwhelmed. If it's tricky to come up with things, I suggest putting together a list of things that make you happy and slowly working through it.
Wishing you all of the best and sending hugs!
Hi @Giraffelover, thank you for reaching out.
Moving to a different country, more so one that’s on another continent with very different people, food, and culture, is really difficult. I can understand how you’re feeling about such a big change. It seems that your mom feels the same way, I am wondering if you had the chance to talk to her about how you feel?
I was also around 14 years old when I moved here to Australia. Like you, I already spoke the language but was not confident enough for everyday use. I had to attend school only a month after I came and it was really scary. I remember crying on the way to school on the second day because I was so overwhelmed with how different it was from what I used to in my home country. I missed my friends so much and I used to be so upset when I saw how they were all together and I was alone. But eventually, I let myself open up to the people and culture here and adjusting got easier little by little. It will be tough at first and may take a while, and it may not seem like it right now, but things will get better.
The things that helped me adjust are very much similar to what @starhlightshas listed. It is really important to let yourself feel what you need to feel. Your feelings are valid and it’s okay to be upset or frustrated. Then, you can start finding ways to make this new place feel like home.
I wish you all the best. Sending you lots of love and hugs! 🤗💙
Hey @Giraffelover 💌
I hear you—moving to a whole new country and continent is a huge change, and it makes so much sense that you’re feeling this way. It’s completely okay to be scared or unsure. If you haven’t already, talking to your mum or siblings about how you feel might help, especially since your mum has some worries too.
If you do end up moving, I won’t lie—it can be really tough at first. I moved to a different country when I was younger too, and it took me a while to adjust. Everything felt unfamiliar, and I missed the life I had before. But little by little, things got easier. I met people I never would have otherwise, and I found new things to love about where I was. I still miss home sometimes, but I try to focus on what I carry with me rather than just what I left behind.
Something that might help is making a pros and cons list about the move. Writing things down can help you make sense of your feelings and see both the good and the hard parts more clearly. You can include things like what you’re excited about, what you’re nervous about, and even ways to make the difficult parts easier. If you’re unsure, maybe a family member or friend can help you think of things you hadn’t considered.
Other things that helped me:
• Letting yourself feel – It’s okay to be sad, nervous, or even frustrated. Big changes come with big feelings, and that’s normal. Give yourself time to adjust.
• Staying connected to home – Keep in touch with friends and family, hold onto traditions that make you happy, and find little ways to bring your culture into your new space (music, food, or even small rituals that make you feel at home).
• Being open to new things – It’s okay if it takes time, but there might be things about your new home that surprise you in a good way. New places, new hobbies, new friends—you never know what you might end up enjoying.
• It gets easier – Some days will be harder than others, but over time, things will start to feel more familiar. You’ll find your rhythm, and one day, this new place might even start to feel a little like home.
I know this isn’t easy, but you’re doing the best you can, and that’s more than enough. Even when it doesn’t feel like it, you’re going to be okay. Sending you lots of warmth and hoping things get easier for you soon!
Thanks for reaching out on the forums.
I just wanted to validate that it does sound really difficult, and anticipating change is super scary, especially at the thought of moving countries.
Have you spoken to your Mum and siblings about it and were they able to offer you some advice and support? It sounds like your Mum is in the same boat, perhaps you and her could talk about the adjustment and coping or just speaking to your Dad together about your concerns.
If you do end up moving, I just wanted to validate how brave and scary that would be, and with time, things may feel easier. I don't want to discredit your feelings of fear, I think anyone in your situation would be, but perhaps coming up with a plan of attack such as how to stay in touch with your friends, how often you come back to your home country and perhaps familiarising yourself with the country, new house and school can help you anticipate things and feel less in the dark.
I was doing some research on some articles and people sharing experiences and how they've coped and there's a few online - maybe have a google around.
if the thought of moving is causing you significant distress, consider speaking to a mental health professional or helpline such as kidshelpline to provide more personalised advice.
I wish you all the best.
