I feel like my family has ruined my childhood
My family and I spent the first 7 years of my life and 9 years of my sister’s life in a social urban area. We had neighbours who were basically family and girls who were about our age next door. We moved in 2017 and I couldn’t handle it at the time, I was freaking out. We moved to the rural country, quiet and eco, it was beautiful but so so quiet. This wasn’t a problem because I went to public school and was social there, but I do not fit into the system so now to help with my mental health I go to online school from home, it helps with my depression but now I talk to no one. On special occasions I go out if I have a club/group I meet up with, like last year I met up with my acting group but that’s over and the loneliness starts again. My sister just moved out too, my best friend. I have my parents but my mum is going through a lot and me and my dad’s relationship is difficult. I’m so lonely, I have online friends but even they aren’t the best sometimes and they’re getting older so they’re busy and moving out but I’m still here with nothing and no one. I’m so lonely, it feels like my life would’ve been different if I stayed in my old suburb, I would’ve been happier. There’s a reason the people who live here are old retired people, because they don’t have a living breathing kid who needs to learn how to socialize. I’m just lost, I hate it here.
Comments
Hey @pigeonwaffles
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, but I’m so glad you’re opening up about it. Loneliness can be one of the toughest feelings to deal with, especially when it feels like everything around you is changing and you’re left behind trying to figure it out on your own. You’ve been through a lot, and it makes sense that you’re struggling with it, especially considering how different life is now compared to when you lived in the city.
It sounds like you really miss that sense of connection and the way your old community felt like family. I can see why you’d feel lost with everything so quiet now, and with the added loneliness from changes with your sister and friends. I think a lot of people would feel the same way if they were suddenly taken out of an environment where they felt comfortable and thrown into something so unfamiliar. It’s normal to grieve the old life, and it’s okay to feel frustrated that things aren’t how you expected them to be.
I want you to know that feeling this way doesn’t mean you’re stuck, even though it might feel like that. There’s a lot of potential for change, even if it seems far away right now. I’m glad to hear that online school has helped your mental health, but I can see that it’s tough being isolated. Finding ways to bring new people into your life or reconnecting with old passions could help. Whether it’s looking for new local clubs, doing hobbies you love that can connect you with like-minded people, or even finding online communities where you can build deeper friendships—it’s a journey, but you don’t have to take it alone.
It might help to reframe your thoughts a little. While the move and changes have been really hard on you, your past experiences are still a part of you, and they show that you can build close relationships, even if it feels distant right now. The world is a big place with lots of people, and you’ll find your space in it. There are people who will get you, even if they’re not right in front of you at this moment. Sometimes it takes finding the right time, place, or community.
It’s also okay to not be okay right now. It’s okay to have moments where things feel too heavy or impossible to handle. I want you to know that it’s okay to feel angry or sad about the situation. And when you’re ready, small steps toward reaching out or joining activities again could help shift the loneliness bit by bit. But there’s no rush. Take your time with it.
I’m here if you want to keep talking, or if there’s anything specific I can do to support you in finding ways to feel better. You’re not lost, even though it might feel like that now. You’re just in a transition, and things will get better with time. You're important and your feelings are valid.
Thank you for your message and advice, but unfortunately it is not that simple. When I say I live in isolation I mean it, we are 20-30 minutes away from any town/shop and my parents work every week day so its hard for them to drive me in. There are no other teenagers in my town.
Hey @pigeonwaffles ,
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling really lonely at the moment, this really sucks. Although I haven't had an experience quite like yours before, I can imagine that it would feel pretty isolating to move to a rural location where you don't know anyone, and understandable that you'd go through periods where this loneliness feels more intense.
I think that loneliness can be a really tricky feeling to cope with, and it's definitely something that i've experienced before. Something that sometimes helps me when i'm feeling pretty lonely is redirecting my attention to one of my favourite hobbies/activities to do on my own. I think this works really well, especially if your usual support people/family/friends aren't around for you to hang out with, and can be a lovely way to reconnect with yourself away from other people. For instance, I really like knitting and also going for walks while listening to a podcast, so these are often my go to activities, not just when i'm feeling lonely, but for whenever i'm feeling a little down etc. It's really important when things feel tough to keep up with doing the things that you enjoy, and that make you feel good.
I'm not sure if this will help at all, but for what it's worth, it sounds like you're doing a really great job at dealing with this and looking after yourself, even though things feel really hard at the moment. It's amazing that you've got a couple different coping strategies and ways to find community when you're feeling this way.
Sending lots of good vibes your way 💗.
PS, what a cute username, I love it!! 😇
Yes, thank you for this comment. I have hobbies like playing games, writing and drawing and they calm me down a lot. Unfortunately, I made this post during a meltdown so I was feeling very irrational and helpless. Do I still feel lonely? Yes, but I am finding ways to cope.
Hi @pigeonwaffles, very sorry to hear about how you’re feeling at the moment, I can imagine it's pretty difficult at the moment.
I can heavily relate to your experiences, moving for the first time in year 4 from a busy mining town to a rural country town, and then moving for the second time in year 8 to a retirement town as you’ve described.
I found it helpful to join sporting groups and army cadets, cause although I wasn’t particularly good at either, they are usually filled with a wide range of different people with different personalities and interests. I would definitely check out what your local community has to offer! You may even enjoy volunteering or having a part-time job, I’ve found some of my closest friends in these places.
As a younger sibling, I definitely understand how you feel about your sister moving out and not being particularly close with your parents. I know it’s not the same but phone calls and texting my older siblings, and my younger sibling when I moved out myself, definitely helped with some of the loneliness.
I know a lot of people downplay how it feels to move away from your hometown, and it's understandable that you're feeling upset and resentful. It's important to try and be kind to yourself and know that you won’t feel this way forever, even if it sometimes feels that way. The fact that you’re reaching out to support shows how strong you are already.
Hope some of this helps! Happy to hear more if you’re comfortable with sharing 🙂
Unfortunately, I am about 20-30 minutes from any sort of town/shop, there are no other teenagers in my town and it is hard for my parents to take time out of their lives to send me to the nearest main town. Thank you for the comment.
Hi @pigeonwaffles!
Feeling lonely and isolated in a rural town can be so tough. I’ve been there too. When I moved from a busy, social city to a rural area in primary school, it was hard to adjust and I experienced a lot of loneliness as well. I can completely relate to how you’re feeling.
It sounds like you’ve been doing an amazing job trying to create connections, and that’s not easy. What really helped me was looking into local clubs or communities that aligned with my interests. Volunteering also opened up a lot of opportunities to meet new people, and it made a huge difference in feeling more connected. Is there anything like that in your area that you might consider exploring?
I also found online communities to be a great way to feel a sense of belonging when local options felt limited. Sometimes even picking up a new hobby helped bridge that gap and gave me something to look forward to.
You’re doing so well — even just reaching out shows your strength. Be kind to yourself, and know that things can shift with time.
Take care! 💌
I have online friend groups but any sort of town/shop is about 20-30 minutes away, it's difficult for my parents to take time out of their life to drive me over and back. I am apart of the nearby main towns acting group but there aren't much opportunities at the moment.
@pigeonwaffles I can totally relate—where I lived, the nearest town with anything interesting was an hour away, and I could only go on weekdays, but even that was infrequent. It can feel really isolating. I just want you to know that it sounds like you’re doing your best, and I really applaud you for making the most of the situation. It isn’t easy, but you’re finding ways to cope, and that’s something to be proud of.
I know hearing this may not be ideal, but I found that thinking outside the box helped me distract myself from the loneliness. I got really into arts and crafts—making T-shirts, learning how to sew, and trying out different projects just to keep my mind engaged.
If you haven’t already, you might also consider talking to your sister about how you’re feeling. From what you’ve said, she may be able to relate to your experience in some way. Even just having regular catch-ups to get things off your chest could help—it’s always nice to have a listening ear.
And I know it might not feel helpful right now, but something that gave me comfort was reminding myself that this isn’t forever. As time passes, more opportunities will open up—whether that’s gaining more independence, meeting new people, or eventually moving somewhere with more options. It doesn’t make the present any less difficult, but I hope it gives you a little reassurance that things won’t always feel this way.
Hi @pigeonwaffles thank you for reaching out and sharing this with us.
It shows that you are carrying a lot at the moment and it is normal to feel this way as moving, losing connections and adjusting to a new lifestyle is so tough, especially when they come around the same time.
It sounds like you are doing your best to manage this situation with trying to stay connected to those in your acting group and even finding friends online. Is there any friends that you had in when you lived in the urban area that you could reach out to online to rebuild those connections? In your area is there any local clubs or classes you can join outside of your school hours to build connections such as a sport or art club?
Feeling lonely is really hard so be gentle with yourself as you are doing all that you can. Something i like to remind myself when i feel lonely is that this isn't forever; i will get older and get a job, travel, join new activities and through those so many connections are going to be made. 💜
I have only friend groups and hang out with my sister online almost daily after she moved out. The cloeset town/shop is 20-30 minutes away so it is hard to organise a trip into town to interact with anyone in person. My school offers clubs but I found myself feeling... unsafe around the male members of the club so I've tried my best to distance myself.
