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TW Alcohol

I don't really know how to explain this.. 

I'm 19 now. My dad has been an alcoholic i think ever since my parents got married. It just got worse and worse and created many problems in my family and between my parents that went towards my parents divorcing and everything going to shit. Made being a kid a bit traumatic, most of the time he was just a drunk and treated my mum like shit cause he was never really around for us because he would just be out every night and we didn't know when he would be coming back. It caused problems for my own life too that I'm still struggling with now. It's really hard to be able to trust and rely on him. I really want to because he's my dad and i love him, but he's the one who created my trust issues, anxiety, depression and overthinking. 

His drinking has made it uncomfortable to be at home and worrying, not that he would ever harm me or my siblings, but that he would just come home wasted most nights or wouldn't come home at all. 

His drinking has gotten so much worse, he's out every night, doesn't matter what day. Who knows what he mixes the alcohol with too. Comes stumbling out of a car or through the front door, slurring his words and us having to eat pizza more nights than i can count.

He's been out of control. 

He's never admitted that he is an alcoholic, until now. 

He's finally going to go to rehab - after years and years of his abusive drinking - my mum had to have a talk with him because me and my siblings have been living with him and he promised that he would stop drinking but he broke that promise..

And I'm happy for him and glad, but i also don't know if he's telling the truth. He lies about everything, even if he has come home drunk out of his mind he'll lie about not drinking at all. 

So I'm struggling with whether i should believe him or not and if this time will be any different.

ruby_t
ruby_tPosted 25-03-2023 06:25 PM

Comments

 
Iona_RO
Iona_ROPosted 27-03-2023 12:45 PM

Hey @ruby_t❤️

I've just had a read through of your posts over the weekend and wanted to check in on how you're feeling today? It sounds like you are having to deal with a lot of really tough stuff at the moment, so I'm really glad you were able to reach out for some support. It can be hard to do that when you're feeling overwhelmed, so well done. 

 

Am I right in thinking that you are living with your dad most of the time at the moment? What's your relationship with your mum like?

 

It's good to hear that you feel like your dad would never hurt you or your siblings, but you all also deserve to be looked after in the best way. It sounds like that's maybe not something your dad has been able to do for you as much as he should, would you agree? You might like to have a look at this information from 1800RESPECT. They are a service that helps with lots of different family dynamics, and could be really helpful for you to get some support from them.

 

Are you close with your siblings? How old are they? I know it can be extra stressful if you're older and feel like you have to look after them too. 

 

Looking forward to hearing back from you, we're hear to support you. 

 
 
ruby_t
ruby_tPosted 27-03-2023 07:38 PM

The days just keep getting worse and worse with everything in general. i've been staying with my mum for a while now which has been alright. she understands me a bit better and i get along with her better than my dad but it's all still awful. talking to her sometimes doesn't help at all. 

i'm close with my siblings sometimes, they are younger than me but are able to look after themselves just fine.

i hope that my dad will be able to get better, but i'm still struggling either way. sometimes i don't want to be at my dads or my mums. 

i'll check out the 1800respect - thankyou 

 
 
 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 27-03-2023 08:50 PM

@ruby_t I'm glad to hear staying with your mum is a bit better, even if it's still not the greatest. I hope it does get better after some time to settle, and even if talking to her isn't always helpful it sounds like she still wants to listen. 

 

Sounds like in both places, you still feel pretty isolated. So yeah, reaching out to 1800RESPECT and to Kids Helpline as often as you need to is a helpful way to stay connected while you're going through hardship. I think 1800respect would be especially helpful in terms of exploring options for extra support. You're welcome to keep us posted on how you go with it too 😊

 
 
 
 
ruby_t
ruby_tPosted 27-03-2023 09:02 PM

can i still use the helpline for kids even though i'm 19?

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 27-03-2023 09:06 PM

@ruby_t You sure can! They support folks up to the age of 25 😊

 
 
 
 
 
ruby_t
ruby_tPosted 27-03-2023 09:18 PM

okay thanks 

what do i do with how i’m feeling. i’m not able to talk to anyone and i’m really alone 

 
 
 
 
 
ruby_t
ruby_tPosted 27-03-2023 09:17 PM

okay thanks 

what do i do with how i’m feeling. i’m not able to talk to anyone and i’m really restless and exhausted and alone. 

 
 
 
 
 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 27-03-2023 09:34 PM

@ruby_t hmm... If you're not up for calling kids helpline right now, you could have a look around the forums to see if there's anyone you could chat with. I'll jot down some other ideas and you can decide if any of them appeal to you.

  • Journal about your feelings to try to get them off your chest
  • Try some distractions like watching a fav tv show or playing a video game
  • Download a meditation app and give it a go
  • Grab some pens/paper/paint/etc and try to draw your feelings (or anything you like really)
  • Have a bath or shower, and imagine yourself washing the feelings away
  • Find videos on youtube about how to manage/sit with difficult emotions
  • Head to bed and try to get some rest

Since you're over 18, you can always go check out the SANE Forums as well, it's another online community focused on supporting people with their mental health. They're a pretty lovely bunch 😉

 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 25-03-2023 07:03 PM

@ruby_t Thank you for sharing your story with us, it can take a lot to open up in this way. It sounds like things are really hard for you at home, and that the person who is supposed to be there for you and take care of you is really struggling himself - which is very unfair for you and your siblings. We might get in touch with you via email to check in, so keep an eye out. 

 

Whilst it is great to hear that he may finally be seeking some help for his alcohol issues, it is understandable that you're skeptical. Hopefully this is a turning point for him and he decides to follow through, for his own sake as well as for the sake of you and your family. 

 

Whether or not you believe him is...a tricky one. I'm not sure it's one that can be answered easily. On the one hand, putting trust and faith in him may help him to have faith in himself, if he's got the support of his family he may have a better chance of getting sober. On the other hand, I think you are well within your rights to protect yourself from the possibility of future disappointment by keeping to yourself in this situation, or whatever else you may need to do to protect yourself. Either way, coping with this situation is a tough one, and definitely easier to do so with plenty of support. I saw on the other thread you are talking to a therapist and finding it helpful, and I hope that connecting with us here will also provide you with somewhere to turn to in those tough moments. 

 
 
ruby_t
ruby_tPosted 25-03-2023 08:27 PM

I still don't know how to cope with the whole situation. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it which in a way is making me go through it alone

 
 
 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 25-03-2023 08:52 PM

@ruby_t it's a truly difficult thing to have to cope with, I can understand why you're feeling at a loss. Getting extra support around you can take time, especially ongoing/long-term. You could potentially talk to your therapist about getting some extra supports in place? Would also very highly recommend reaching out to Kids Helpline, you can call, email, or use webchat as often as you like, and you could also talk to them about what other supports you might be able to access. They'd be a great place to start, and an opportunity to get some of those really heavy feelings off your chest 💜

 

I know I've been sending a whole bunch of articles and stuff tonight but I hope that they can be helpful for you - like this one with tips for coping with the hard stuff, and here's another that would be good to look into in terms of ensuring you can keep yourself safe if you need to 🤞

 
 
 
 
ruby_t
ruby_tPosted 27-03-2023 07:47 PM

thankyou so much 

i might try the kids helpline 

thanks for the articles too 

it's really difficult to deal with without really talking much about it 

 
 
 
 
 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 27-03-2023 07:54 PM

@ruby_t you're very welcome, and I hope kids helpline is a good option to turn to when you need to chat to someone 😊

 

I always say "What's shareable is bearable" - we all need someone to talk to sometimes, especially when going through such difficult times. 

 
 
 
 
 
ruby_t
ruby_tPosted 27-03-2023 09:00 PM

can i still use the kids helpline if i’m 19?

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