here we are again
so i've had a GP appointment and a headspace appointment and my parents are still saying i'm fine and i don't need help. that i'm being an attention seeker and that i'm being selfish by trying to get help for my eating disorder. my mum isn't even trying to understand my point of view. she's just saying that i'll be fine and if i say but i need the help, stop brushing it off, she'll call me an attention seeker an i'm being selfish which then just leads me to breakdown and weighs down on my anxiety and my self esteem as well as my confidence levels and how i view myself as person. i know she's just trying to work through it but she's being doing this for three months and she's not making it any easier for me to work through. i had to fill out a questionnaire with her for my diagnosis with anorexia and she keeps on saying i'm lying and that i just want a label like my father, that i'll get no where in life if i have that sort of diagnosis. i want to help her through the process but i don't know what to say and how to say anything to her. any advice?
Comments
Hi @Alex-Taylor 
Things sounds really difficult for you at the moment as you seek help. You are currently struggling with an eating disorder, I wonder if you have been able to manage your feelings through this situation?
I hear that your mum is being dismissive regarding your mental health. It seems as though each time you are vulnerable and attempt to openly discuss your problems, your mum shifts the conversation from attending to your needs to labelling you very hurtful things. Your needs are not being acknowledged as you ask for help. It sounds like your mum has very little knowledge regarding mental health, however, this does not take the pain you have experienced away.
This has clearly taken a further toll on your mental health and has changed the way you perceive yourself and elevated your anxiety. I want to remind you that your diagnosis does not define you as a person, a diagnosis is not a label which restricts you to certain characteristics, and a diagnosis is most certainly not setting the trajectory for the rest of your life. A diagnosis helps make sense of what is happening for you at the moment, so that you can seek further help.
From what I have heard, you are an incredibly strong individual who is brave enough to seek help, despite the repeated dissmisal, misunderstandings, and hurtful labelling from your mum.
You have taken the first step which is seeking help. I encourage you to see if your mental health professional can speak to your mum and educate her on what you're going through, and the importance of psychological intervention.
I want to commend you for your bravery and strength in seeking help despite these challenges. Thank you so much for reaching out, looking forward to hearing from you 😊
Thank you! I will try and get my doctor to educate her a little more and I hope it helps. Thanks for the advice and I hope you have a great day.
Hi @Alex-Taylor ,
Welcome back to the Youth Community! I'm really proud to see that you have talked to your GP and attended a Headspace appointment! These are really big steps to take!
It can be very hurtful to have your concerns be dismissed by your mum especially as she is also making very unfair accusations towards you. I want to let you know that it is never okay to be treated like this. I also want to reiterate, as @Boxmore has mentioned, that your diagnosis does not define you as a person.
Nonetheless, I can see how much you care for your family as you're clearly doing your best to support your mum throughout this process. I want to acknowledge how much strength and resolve it takes to be supporting both your parent's and your own needs in your mental health journey. We have some articles here that can offer tips on having conversations around mental health. Here's are some on how to talk to your parents about mental health, how to tackle difficult conversations and how to get your parent to listen to you. We also have one on how to tell people about your mental illness.
Understandably balancing two people's needs at once can be extremely draining and I'm wondering if there was anything you have been doing for yourself as self-care?
If you're looking for further one-on-one support. The Butterfly Foundation can offer free and confidential support over the phone (1800 33 4673) or online for anyone concerned about eating disorders. Their website also provides extensive resources about eating disorders that could help your mum understand what you're going through. Here's one they have on myths about eating disorders.
We will also be sending you an email. Please keep an eye out for it!
Hey @Alex-Taylor 
I am really sorry to hear this. It is so difficult when our parents, who we imagine to be our biggest supporters, don't support us or believe us. I see this kind of thing far too often, and I think it comes from such an 'old-school' train of thought and lack of education surrounding mental health.
First of all, we are really proud of you for seeking help and the ReachOut community 100% understands you. She is also wrong, you will definitely have a beautiful and fulfilling life regardless of your diagnosis because it doesn't define you! So many of my peers, family and friends have diagnoses ranging from schizophrenia to anorexia nervosa and they have truly wonderful lives.
Regarding advice, the only thing you can do is prompt her to educate herself about these mental health concepts. It is difficult for you to try and teach her because she seems quite sceptical. But perhaps the opinions of professionals can influence her mindset, or at least broaden it. There are services like ParentLine which are telephone counselling services for parents, who can ask questions and/or receive support regarding their children and mental health.
I hope this helps!
Thank you! I'll make sure to tell my mum about it. Hopefully it helps.
Hey @Alex-Taylor ,
Thanks for sharing, i'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this at the moment, it sounds like you've had a pretty rough time lately with your mental health. I'd like to say first up that you should feel really proud of the way that you've been advocating for yourself in regards to getting help with your eating disorder. It takes so much strength to be able to actually reach out to people about what you're going through, and to seek support. I can imagine that it would feel so incredibly hurtful for your parents to then immediately dismiss your concerns in such a careless way.
One of my loved one's has been in and out of eating disorder recovery over the past couple of years, and through watching them experience this I've gained a real understanding of how intensely difficult it is to struggle with an eating disorder, and how difficult recovering can be. This said, I'm really feeling for you at the moment, and I'd like to reiterate just how amazing it is that you're actively trying to seek help at the moment, i'm really proud of you for that.
I agree that it really can take a little while for parents to process these types of things, especially if it involves admitting that their child is struggling. However, I hope you know that you're not an attention seeker and you are absolutely not selfish for simply trying to look after yourself. You deserve support from people in your life in being able to access these types of mental health supports too.
I'm wondering whether your parents went to the appointments at your GP and Headspace with you? Sometimes I think people can understand a little better if there's a health professional they can speak to who is affirming the experiences you're reporting to them about struggling with an eating disorder. You are of course entitled to privacy around this too though.
I'm sorry that I haven't been able to provide much advice here, but please know that I'm thinking of you and sending lots of care your way. We're all here to chat a little more if you need 💛🌹
Thank you so much. I hope your loved one is getting better each day. My mum has gone to my appointments and has heard what they've had to say but the reactions are still the same. I know she's very set in her ways of how she deals and responds to stuff, actions and words but it does hurt. Thank you for the reply, means a lot. Thank you and take care.
