cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Main content skiplink
Join an event. Happening today.

Being lonely for a while is taking a toll on my mental health

Hi guys,

 

I have felt very lonely ever since I graduated high school as I am no longer in contact with my friend group except 1 or 2 people who I am able to talk to. I know people say go join a club and I have done those things and it seemed everyone had their friends outside of the club or social activity where they would prefer to be with them. Some info that may help; I am a male who is 21 years old and some of my interests are going to the gym, fashion and online games (however I am slowly losing interest as I no longer enjoy it as much as I used to back when I was young). I need help and would like to know how you guys personally were able to make genuine friends. 

aloneinqueensland
aloneinqueenslandPosted 22-02-2022 09:54 PM

Comments

 
Maddy-RO
Maddy-ROPosted 22-02-2022 11:03 PM

Hi @aloneinqueensland

 

Firstly, I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely. Unfortunately, experiencing loneliness is very common amongst Australians; you are definitely not alone in feeling lonely. In fact, there is a whole new phone/text/chat service dedicated to treating loneliness (FriendLine).

 

In terms of friendships, I think I have some handy tools I can share with you in terms of making genuine friends, as I think I have been relatively able to make a decently sized set of genuine friends. One thing I really look for in others is kindness; this is very much something I am drawn to. For instance,  tend to notice how people speak about others in front of me. If I meet someone for the first time and they spent the majority of the time bad-mouthing someone else, then that is a red flag to me.

 

Another thing I learned from a university lecture, is that people are more likely to develop a relationship/friendship with someone if they are close in proximity to them. For example, you've mentioned joining groups. It would be helpful to join groups that are near you, so that if you want to catch up with a person then it will be relatively easy to organise.

 

I've also noticed that I tend to befriend people that I see regularly. For example, work! Because I see people at work so often, over time, I've developed friendships with them. So I think the duration and frequency of seeing people also play a part. For instance, with the groups you attended, it might be helpful to continue to attend them even if you don't make friends straight away, because the longer and more frequently you attend, then the more likely a friendship will develop (at least that's what I believe).

 

Sharing common interests also plays a big part. So you've mentioned enjoying the gym. There's a chance that you might end up making friends with someone at the gym over time. If you attend every morning, then you might become familiar with another who does the same and then over time develop a friendship. You might start by smiling or saying hi. Then over time, you might initiate a "gym-type" conversation e.g., "can you spot me, bro?" and then see what occurs from there.

 

I can say that I have become more confident with making friends and initiating conversations with strangers as I've gotten older. With practice (e.g., new jobs, university, etc.) it does get easier. I hope you find these ideas helpful 🙂 and that you are able to find yourself a good set of genuine friends sooner rather than later.

 
 
aloneinqueensland
aloneinqueenslandPosted 23-02-2022 12:44 AM

Hi @Maddy-RO 

 

Thank you so much for taking your time to respond and thanks for giving me your personal scenarios (it has actually helped tremendously). I will definitely keep your advice in the back of my mind. I also forgot to say I have joined my first uni society and will actively try to get myself out there and go to as many events as possible (with social anxiety it is hard but I remember one of the chats I had here to deal with it, was to get out of your comfort zone - that is where the gold is at.

 
 
 
Iona-RO
Iona-ROPosted 23-02-2022 10:47 AM

Hi @aloneinqueensland

I'm really glad to hear that the advice @Maddy-RO gave was helpful for you 😊

I totally understand how difficult it can be to get to events when you have social anxiety, I struggle with the same thing. However, I think taking gradual steps to get out of your comfort zone is a really great way to tackle it. Don't pressure yourself too much, and always give yourself permission to leave if you start to feel overwhelmed. 

Keep us updated on how you go! Would love to hear about which events you go to 😊

 
 
Maddy-RO
Maddy-ROPosted 22-02-2022 11:08 PM

I might also add - @aloneinqueensland - quality over quantity. You've mentioned having 1-2 friends. I recall learning that people with a few good (close) friends are happier than people with several, questionable (or not very good/close) friends, so keep that in mind 🙂

Welcome back!

Join the Community

ReachOut is confidential & anonymous.

8+ characters, 1 capital letter, 1 lower case letter and 1 number

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.